


Exile (Revised)

by star_gir1



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Exile, Exploring the Force, F/M, Romance, Slow Burn, The Force, rey and ben get to know each other better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 55,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22342825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_gir1/pseuds/star_gir1
Summary: After the conflict has ended in Ep IX, the powers that be of the Resistance have decided that Ben Solo, formerly Kylo Ren of the First Order, should be exiled to the planet known as Laris, and that Rey of Jakku, the erstwhile self-named "Last Jedi" and Resistance warrior, should join him. While they are there, they will discover things about themselves, each other, and about the Force that could change everything they thought they knew.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 58
Kudos: 137





	1. Exile

**Author's Note:**

> Herein follows the revised 2nd edition of my Reylo magnum opus, "Exile," which I first started working on back in 2017 after The Last Jedi came out. It has been so much fun and such a wonderful challenge to come back to this AU that I've created and I am so happy to be sharing it with everyone in this incredible fandom which I am proud to call my own. Please enjoy and, as always, leave kudos and/or let me know what you think in the comments.

The Resistance decided that Kylo Ren would be exiled as punishment for his crimes against the Republic and the galaxy. Due to Rey’s support of Ben Solo after he turned his back on the First Order, it was decided that she would join him in exile on the remote but habitable forest planet of Laris until such time as the Resistance deemed their sentence to be fulfilled. General Leia Organa, of course, pulled as many strings as she possibly could without infringing on the democracy she’d fought to protect for so many years. In the end, she managed to narrow their sentence down to five years for Ben and a year for Rey.

But Rey assured Leia that she was prepared to spend as much time as possible with the man with whom she shared a Force bond. They both had so many questions, and the best way to answer them was if they could be alone together, without the disruptions of war and politics, where nothing would stand in their way.

On their last day, Rey said a heartfelt goodbye to all of her friends. Poe Dameron, Rose Tico, and Finn had all come to a reluctant understanding of why she was meant to be with Ben. She’d helped them to see that he was truly more human than they’d previously thought. Her friends still couldn’t begin to comprehend the mystery of their dyadic connection, or what it meant, but they accepted it.

While on exile, the two would be allowed correspondence with off-worlders via hologram only, and visitors could only come for one week at the end of each year. Meaning they would be alone on Laris for 1,825 days, and Rey could only see her friends for 25 of them. The thought made her feel weak and sick; but when she reminded herself that Ben would be with her, she felt stronger. She knew he would never force her to stay apart from the people she loved. But, of course, it wasn’t his decision to make.

Rey pulled Finn into a long, tight embrace. He was the first friend she’d ever had, and he’d never given up on her, sticking by her side after all this time. He never once faltered in his support, even after Rey explained to him the nature of her connection with Ben Solo. He’d believed in her like no one else ever did. Rey knew she would miss him the most.

“Just be careful out there,” Finn said as they hugged.

“I will, Finn. I promise.”

“Especially with Mr. Dark-Side-Hot-Shot here,” said Poe, playfully but aggressively punching Ben’s massive shoulder, then immediately regretting it when he caught his annoyed glare.

When the two friends finally parted, Finn turned to Ben Solo, staring defiantly up into his face without an ounce of humor in his eyes. “You better take good care of her, Solo.”

“Finn,” Rey said, “I can take care of myself.”

Ben said to Finn, “I’ll try. But she’s right, she can take better care of herself than I ever could.”

“That’s right,” Poe remarked, still trying his best to lighten the mood as only he could. “We all know Rey’s tough enough to handle anything that tries to mess with her. Or her food.”

Rey smirked at the jab about her hoarding habits.

“To be honest, I’m more worried about how her companion will cope when they’re all alone out there.”

“Yeah, what’s he gonna do when the going gets rough?” Rose chimed in, “Whip out his big red lightsaber and start screaming at everything?” She and Poe snickered playfully.

Rey knew that they were only teasing him, but she could feel Ben growing more uncomfortable. She sensed that he was anxious to be alone with her where they could both converse on equal ground, without fear of judgement from others. Reaching out to place a hand on his arm, she sent him reassurances through their bond. Ben began to relax slightly at her touch.

“I’m going to miss you all so much,” said Rey, tears streaking her face. Finally pulling them all into a warm group hug, she said, “I just wanted you to know before…”

“We know, Rey,” said Poe, smiling.

“I love you all.”

“Just promise you’ll holomessage whenever you can,” said Rose.

“If you ever get around to it. We know you’ll have plenty to keep you occupied on your little vacation,” said Poe, grinning conspiratorially.

Rey’s cheeks pinked.

Still, he wasn’t far from the truth. She and Ben had a lot of things they needed to figure out. For all they knew, it might take them five years.

Biting her lip to keep from breaking down in front of everyone, she said, “I will.”

“Rey,” said Ben, his voice gently urging her to join him. Swiping one last tear from her cheek, she took one last look at her friends, and finally turned to follow Ben. Taking his hand, they boarded the _Millennium Falcon_ together.

As soon as the ship’s door screeched shut behind them, Rey headed for the cockpit. She couldn’t bear to see her friends standing outside, knowing that if she did, she wouldn’t be able to leave them.

Chewbacca was already firing up the engines, silently grumbling to himself as his paws skimmed skillfully over the panels he knew so well.

Rey and Ben were both relieved that he would be the one to transport them to Laris. During the time she’d spent with the gruff but gentle giant, Rey had come to think of him almost as a kind of father figure; Chewie always looked after her, taking her side in every fight, unless she was being unreasonable, which, given her inherent hotheadedness, happened more frequently than he would have preferred. He’d stuck by her through thick and thin, as a copilot and as a friend. He was the last friend besides Ben that she’d see for five years.

More importantly, he knew Ben the longest of anyone besides Leia, and had always been like an uncle to him. Although Chewie promised them that he’d visit whenever the Resistance allowed him to, it still felt like it would be forever before they saw him again.

Rey’s stomach plummeted as the _Falcon_ lifted off the ground and began its ascent. She couldn’t help looking out the window of the cockpit, just to catch one last glimpse of the figures of her friends below, growing smaller as they climbed higher. They didn’t wave, and Rey knew that they would watch the _Falcon_ for as long as their eyes could track it as it faded further into the sky.

She finally let the tears come. They seared her face, making it harder for her to watch them disappear from view. Chewie rested his giant paw on her arm, snuffling reassuringly, all too familiar with the pain she felt. At the touch of her dear friend, Rey felt instantly lightened.

Once they cleared the planet’s atmosphere, quickly fading into the dark emptiness of space, Rey got up to leave the cockpit, and was startled to find Ben standing in the doorway. His presence was no longer a looming threat, but an overwhelming comfort to her.

The devastation that racked her body had momentarily clouded their bond, so that she couldn’t feel him when he was behind her the whole time. But now that she’d been able to breathe, Ben Solo’s presence filled her senses, dissipating her grief almost completely. He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t have to; looking into his eyes, Rey knew that he was there for her, and only her.

She fell into his arms, unable to stand on her own any longer, relishing the warmth of his strong embrace. She felt so safe, so complete with him, she couldn’t help but cry again. Her tears were fierce and born of a mixture of sadness and relief. Ben let her unleash them onto his chest, soaking his shirt with all her pain. He would gladly hold any burden that she could not carry herself. For now, it was enough to simply hold all of her. For now, it was all they needed.

Chewie laid in the coordinates for Laris and pulled the lever that activated the ship’s hyperdrive, sending them into light speed. Before Rey could attempt to copy every inch of the Resistance Base planet into her memory, the view outside the cockpit dissolved into stretching lights and bright-blue static, pulling them to their inevitable destination.


	2. So Close, And Yet So Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they make their way to the planet Laris, Rey takes a moment to remember the events of the weeks leading up to their exile. Leia does everything she can to ensure her son's safety, meanwhile noticing the mysterious bond that exists between he and Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part 2 of my Reylo magnum opus, hope y'all enjoy it and let me know what you think in the comments below! Can't wait to post part three!!!

While the steady glow of hyperspace sucked them through space, Rey and Ben decided they needed to talk. They could both use a little comfort after the events of the previous weeks.

In the bathroom, Rey splashed her face, drowning out the tears that refused to stop coming. When at last her shivering breath had steadied, and her heart slowed enough that she could focus on everything that had happened without fainting, she closed her eyes and tried to remember…

After Ben Solo turned against the First Order and helped Rey to defeat Palpatine, they were both transported back to the base. Ben was immediately taken into custody; he hadn’t really expected them to roll out any kind of welcome mat for the former Supreme Leader of the First Order.

He’d thought of nothing at all as he and Rey stood together on the transport ship, hopelessly entangled in each other’s arms. The smell of her hair, the feel of her cheek pressed against his heart, the strength of her small body as he held her, made it feel as though she was the last drop of humanity left in the universe.

Rey was the only hope he’d ever allowed himself to hold onto. Not since he was a child, when the only thing he’d craved was the sustenance of his mother’s love, had he ever needed anyone so much. In that moment, he silently promised Rey that he would never leave her again, no matter what happened. She promised him the same. Everything that needed to be said flowed between them through their embrace.

Soon they both started crying, generous tears slipping through the spaces between Rey’s trembling face and Ben’s heaving chest. Together they crumpled to the floor, still hanging on to each other, fused together by their shared grief and overwhelming relief.

Neither of them minded the fact that at least a dozen Resistance fighters stood around them, staring awkwardly at the odd spectacle unfolding in front of them of two people from opposite sides of a war, embracing as though they’d known each other their whole lives. They could never understand all that transpired between them in a few wordless moments; Light years had torn them apart for far too long. Now the war was over and the stars had brought them back together. They would not soon come apart again.

The minute they stepped off the transport ship into the blinding light and chaos of the base, however, the two were immediately ripped from each other’s arms. Rey was led away by Finn and Poe, who were concerned for her safety. Ben was shoved to his knees, his hands cuffed behind his back, and quickly led away. All the while, his eyes never once strayed from Rey’s face, which had begun to tremble from the onslaught of new tears.

She tried to run to him, begging them to let him go, though she knew more than anyone the crimes that he would have to answer for. Her friends struggled to restrain her; they didn’t know. How could they? They hadn’t seen what she saw.

Though she strained against her friends’ tight grip, the look in Ben’s eyes told her that he would be alright. He knew what he had to do. He had to take responsibility for all that he’d done.

As they led him away, Ben looked at her, one last time, over his shoulder.

Finn and Poe finally relinquished their hold on her. She didn’t notice the bruises on her arms from her struggle to escape their restraint.

No pain was greater in that moment than the thought of Ben, her other half, and the only person who had ever truly understood her, being brought before a council of unforgiving faces who would certainly want to treat him as cruelly as the First Order had treated them. They would judge him harshly, she knew, for things he’d done, and things he hadn’t done but would bear the blame for anyway. Most of them had lost people they loved to the iron fist of the First Order. Rey knew exactly how they felt. After all this time, just when she’d been reunited with the one person in the whole galaxy who she truly belonged with, they would take him away from her.

 _No_ , she told herself. _I won’t lose him. Not now. Not ever again._

She did all she could to save Ben from execution, testifying tirelessly on his behalf to the bemusement of the council. Directing her pleas primarily at General Organa, who was a member on the council, she knew that Leia would do whatever she could to help her save him. Leia was Ben’s mother, and strong with the Force. She would understand; Rey saw it in her eyes, the faint shimmer of hope that only a mother who still believed in her son after all this time could possess.

Rey recounted as best she could the details of Ben’s turn against the First Order, how he’d stood with her against Palpatine himself, the last of the Sith, and all his accolades, how he’d helped her to destroy him once and for all, and how he had saved her life at the last moment by giving his when the fight nearly claimed her life.

_Ben had been content with the thought that whatever happened to him, Rey would be alive and safe, free from the clutches of the Sith and the First Order. One less spark of darkness in her life. What he didn’t know was that Rey could feel everything he felt. She’d felt his fear, his hopelessness when he held her limp body in his arms and thought she was dead. Then she felt his life force surge into her body, bringing her back to life. When she awoke, he was looking at her, the biggest smile she had ever seen spread across his face. But before she could say anything, he’d fallen back, as lifeless as she had been only moments before._

_Rey did not have the strength to bring him back from the brink of oblivion on her own. With everything she had, she prayed for the Force to help her. At last, the spirits of all the Jedi who had lived before her, her ancestors in the Force, surrounded the two of them, lending the power of the cosmic Force to their bond. Only their connection, a bond that had not been seen for thousands of years, was powerful enough to save Ben Solo._

_After what seemed like forever, the light returned to his eyes, and his hand found hers, resting on his heart. Relief flooded her soul, and she couldn’t help but throw her arms around his neck, kissing every inch of his face and nearly suffocating him in the process. With difficulty, they limped together back to his ship, supporting each other while they found their bearings and contacted the Resistance to meet them and transport them safely back to the base._

Half of that story was not told to the council, but Rey managed to impress upon them the essential fact that without Ben, not only would she be dead, but the war would have been lost. Without him, everything they’d fought for all these years would have been for nothing. He truly was their last hope.

This last sentiment made a few of the councilors snigger under their breath, but Leia listened intently the whole time, hanging on to every word Rey said; she found she could not take her eyes off the girl who only a year ago had been bound and determined to destroy her son for the things he’d done. All she sensed now was a love that was stronger than the stars themselves, radiating like light from her heart. Even Leia’s undying love for her late husband could not have come close to the power of the connection between her son and the girl from Jakku.

But that would not convince the council of Ben Solo’s supposed heroism. No one else was present to witness his surprising turn, nor his miraculous revival of Rey. General Organa could only vouch for Rey’s truthfulness. Given that she was one of the most highly respected members on the council, it was enough to convince them that the girl wasn’t lying. However, the fact that Leia was the mother of the former Supreme Leader of the First Order implied a conflict of interest, though no one else would believe in a thousand years that she’d speak out in support of her son for any kind of malicious intent. In the end, Leia’s testimony convinced the council that, while Kylo Ren deserved punishment for his crimes, execution could no longer be the only option.

The council members looked at one another, silently agreeing that it would take much longer than expected to decide Ben Solo’s fate. After the trial, he was taken into custody again and placed in an isolated cell to await the final verdict.

While he was being restrained, all Rey and Ben could do was look at one another. Endless silent conversations ricocheted back and forth between them. Leia made sure she joined Rey in escorting him to his cell. After seeing with her own eyes as well as feeling the deep bond that had grown between them, she was intent on understanding its true nature.

The cell was separated from the rest of the base by a blaster-proof glass wall. A few tiny holes allowed communication between inmates and those on the outside. Besides this, there would be no contact with anyone.

Rey refused to let these circumstances prevent her from staying with him as long as she possibly could. Over the next week, she spent most of her time with him; sometimes bringing a holobook that someone had leant her to read to him; other times they’d just sit and talk, on either side of the glass, looking into each other’s eyes like a mirror.

The barrier might as well have not been there at all; Rey would put her hand against it and Ben would join with his, feeling one another through the glass. They’d sit against the glass with their backs to each other, silently communing. As though they could have reached through the glass like it was nothing but mist to touch.

When she could, Leia would watch over them, quietly observing as they conversed, through words and through silence. Once, they had pressed their foreheads together against the glass, a reflection of one another, saying nothing but only breathing together. Another time, she found Rey and Ben had fallen asleep together, curled up on either side of the barrier, their bodies turned towards each other, as though they were joined by a single, lonely cord that couldn’t be cut. Leia wasn’t sure if they knew exactly what they were doing half the time, but whatever it was, it was forging something sacred between their souls. It became clear to her that there was no barrier thick enough to truly separate them.

When they talked they would make each other laugh, and the smile that broke through her son’s silent facade cut deep into her heart, reminding her of when he was just a little child. They were harmonious in their actions. Every word that passed between them was as destined as the path of the planets around the stars. They seemed to share thousands of words without ever speaking, the reflection of their silent conversation lighting up in their eyes, which were fused together.

It was also agonizing to see them like this, two beings who, like atoms in the freeness of space, were magnetized to one another, drawn together inch by inch, unavoidably. Ben had done terrible things as Kylo Ren, in the service of the First Order and of Snoke. He’d broken his mother’s heart far more than even the destruction of her home planet of Alderaan had when she was younger than Rey.

Rey’s life until a year ago had been utterly devoid of love. And yet Leia could sense the forces that bound them together as palpably as she’d ever felt anything; they could never be rent apart, no matter how far apart they were stretched. From what Rey had told her of their meetings through the Force, they could be light years away from each other and be in the same room at once. Just as they were now; so close, and yet so far.

Tears came unbidden to her eyes when she saw them this way; like silent messengers of pain, they left no scar, etching rivulets into her time-worn face. At times she could barely breathe from the pain that radiated from them both, and yet she stood watch over them for as long as she could, guarding these two lost children, her son and the girl she’d come to care for as her own. Unwavering, unshakable, like the love she held for them both.

At last, the council ruled that Ben Solo would be sentenced to five years of exile on Laris, and Rey volunteered to join him. It was the best outcome that Leia could ensure for her son, and she knew that it would be the best possible arrangement for the both of them to be alone together, someplace where they could discover the truth of their bond in peace. When they left, she prayed that the Force would allow them to find the answers they sought on their new journey together. She felt certain, deep within her heart, that they would.

As she stood in front of the mirror, feeling trapped by the glass that looked back at her with the same face, Rey wondered what all this was for: their exile, her connection with Ben, the bond between them that seemed unbreakable. What did it all mean? If Snoke wasn’t the one to bring it about, and Palpatine didn’t even know of its existence until they encountered him in person on Exegol, then how and why had it been forged?

These questions ran through her mind, spinning in circles that Rey couldn’t trace even if she tried. She let one last tear roll down her cheek, warm and gentle like the touch of Ben’s fingers, when he’d held her face in his hands, after bringing her back to life. As long as he was with her, Rey knew that they could face whatever the Force threw into their paths. Their journeys were one now, no longer separate, no longer parallel, but a single path that they would take together.

Rey couldn’t deny the hard feeling of destiny in her bones. But there was something else, far beyond any link that the Force could forge between them. They would have plenty of time to figure it all out over the next five years.


	3. The Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben sit down and actually have a conversation (*gasp*) about each other, their connection, and, of course, the Force.

Rey sat by herself in the lounge, surrounded by silence, her arms folded loosely over her chest. She could barely hear herself breathe.

She’d taken a shower for the first time in what felt like forever, put on more comfortable traveling clothes, and actually left her hair down. But no matter what she did, nothing felt right. Nothing felt like _anything_ at the moment. All the shouting thoughts in her head had fallen to whispers; Rey wished that one of them would speak up, give her an answer to any of the thousands of questions running laps around her mind.

Ben walked in to see Rey staring at the floor as though it held the most unfathomable secrets in the universe. She seemed to emerge from a trance when he sat down beside her, as though a great weight had been lifted from her soul; whenever they were apart, she felt like she was being crushed by something heavier than herself, and a faint sense of impending suffocation would settle around her lungs. She tried not to think too much about it, because the more she did, the harder it was to breathe. More often than not, Rey just went with it.

Clearing his throat, Ben searched for something to break the tension. Rey could feel his thoughts sifting wildly through the silence for something, for _anything_.

Once or twice they both started to speak at the same time, then fell silent again.

“You go first,” Rey managed to say finally.

“Really?” said Ben, “Are you sure you…”

“Just say what you need to say, Ben.” Rey was more exhausted than she’d been in years, and her words sounded sharper than she meant them to. She was holding onto a fringed rope of exertion that was quickly dwindling. Ben could sense it.

“Ok,” he said. “First of all, I think we have to agree that, from now on, we can’t be keeping secrets from each other.”

“Since when do we, of all people, keep secrets?” Rey asked incredulously.

“Since you shut me out for an entire year. Remember?”

Rey remembered vividly how she’d struggled to keep him from getting through to her after Crait, how their bond would flicker and tremble each time she so much as thought of him. It was the longest, most excruciating year of her life, and she felt his irritation scratch against her nerves each time he attempted to reach out and she refused to let him in.

“I think if we can at least manage that,” said Ben, “then we should be able to make it through the first year without killing each other.” Though he was trying to be humorous, the remark only made Rey flinch, as she fought back the memories of all their fights; dark deeds and near-fatal mistakes.

Ben immediately swallowed the laugh waiting in his chest, and looked down at his hands. Desperate to soothe the wound he’d prodded, he cleared his throat again. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Ben took Rey’s hand. She turned to look at him. “Rey, listen to me. I will never let the things I’ve done in the past come back to hurt you.”

“I know, Ben.”

“What is it?” Ben asked, noticing the tremor in her voice.

“I just don’t think you understand. You _did_ hurt me, you know that. And many others besides. It’s the whole reason we’re out here in the first place!”

“I know.”

“I held out hope for so long. I was waiting for _you_ , Ben.”

“I waited for you too.”

“So you wanted me to come rescue you like a princess, to save you from yourself? Is that it?”

“No! Why did you never once try to contact me?”

Rey paused, looking down at her fingers. “I was…afraid. I thought that, after I left, you wouldn’t ever want to speak to me again. And even though I had hope…I thought that you’d made your choice. I was afraid to face that, to face you.”

“Huh. I thought _you_ never wanted to see me again.” Ben looked away and tried not to recall the ache he felt each time he would reach out and she wasn’t there.

“And now that you’ve turned,” Rey said, “after all this time…I wonder if it’s what you really want.”

“What do you mean?”

Breathing deeply, Rey said, “When we touched hands, and I saw your future, I believed you would return to the light. And you believed I would join you in the dark.”

“You do know that that’s not all I really wanted from you,” Ben sounded exasperated.

“I’ll admit, I wasn’t entirely sure what your intentions were then. I’m not certain that I knew what I really wanted from you. But what we never considered was that maybe it was never about sides.”

“What are you saying?”

“What if it was never just about the dark and the light? What if, all these centuries, both the Sith _and_ the Jedi got it wrong? What if it was only ever meant to be just _us_ …you and I, together?

The Force brought us together for a reason,” Rey said, taking Ben’s hands and looking deeply into his eyes, “you feel that as strongly as I do. But it wasn’t so that we could fight together on one side or another.”

“Bringing balance,” Ben completed Rey’s thought.

“Yes! The only way that can happen is if we stop trying to deny the light or the dark within us. Every living thing in the galaxy has a little of both. It’s what we do with them that makes us who we are.”

Ben looked away again. “I may not have a place in the light. Not after everything I’ve done.” His voice trembled and his face twitched below his left eye, signals of the increasing discord within him.

Rey touched his cheek, urging him to look at her again. “Maybe neither of us belong there. The light or the dark. There has to be a middle ground, a place we can stand together, see both sides of the Force for what they are, equally. Perhaps then we could end the conflict in the galaxy entirely.”

“There will always be conflict,” said Ben, “as long as there are those who dwell within the dark, or who prefer to live in the light. Even now that the war is over…some parts of this galaxy will never stop fighting.”

“But if we could find the thing that bridges them, the one thing connecting the dark and the light…”

“The Force,” said Ben. The cloud had begun to dissipate from his eyes.

Rey nodded. “The Force.” A smile crept across her face, brightening it with an almost ethereal light. The cold that had lived in Ben’s heart vanished when he took her other hand. They stayed that way, staring into each other’s eyes, for a long time.

Rey’s smile fell as quickly as it had come. Ben saw the image of her friends, her _family_ , cross her mind. Even now that the war had ended, she couldn’t stop thinking of them, wondering if they were alright without her.

He knew all too well the pain she was feeling, of being separated from those you loved, an agony like no other; Ben didn’t need the Force bond to understand that. The worst part was he could only feel it with her. He couldn’t take away the pain, hold it all for her. But he’d learned long ago that hearts did not give up their hold on certain darknesses so easily, not if they were buried deep enough. All he could do now was be there for her. Only then would she open up. They both had secrets they wished they never had to tell anyone. But in order for this arrangement to work, that would have to change.

Chewie’s gruff voice bellowed from the cockpit, pulling them from the moment of silence. They didn’t realize it, but their faces had been inching closer together.

Cutting the vein of awkwardness that had wound itself tight about the room, Rey got up to check their progress with Chewie, leaving Ben alone in the lounge.

Chewie relayed to her that they would reach Laris in about four hours.

“We should try and get some rest,” she said to Ben when she returned.

He nodded in agreement.

Before he left, Rey said, “You’re right, by the way.”

“About what?”

“We shouldn’t keep secrets from one another. At least not while we’re on our little vacation. I think it’ll do us a lot of good, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Ben replied with a faint smile. Rey smiled back.

“See you in four hours.”

“You too.”


	4. Laris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Falcon touched solid ground an hour later. At last, they had arrived on Laris, their home for the next five years. Rey could already smell the forest that surrounded them as far as the eye could see, feel the ancient strength of the trees that populated the planet's surface. Together, she and Chewie brought the ship to a steady landing in the clearing, a few yards away from the bunker. Breathing a sigh of resolution, she got up to open the door and take their first steps on the surface of this strange new world."

Rey had never tried so hard to sleep in her life. No matter how often she tried to avoid thinking of Ben, her mind always found a way back to the way he’d looked at her. From the first moment she’d seen his face, he always had a way of seeing her like no one else. It was the most unnerving feeling; something changed in his eyes, a light or a shadow would pass through them, a recognition, something nameless that simply didn’t exist when he looked at anyone else.

_ What’s wrong with me? _

The silence of being alone stretched on forever, a voiceless echo in her head.

Searching her thoughts for anything else to occupy her time, she thought about the first thing they’d do when they arrived.  _ Unpack, obviously _ . They had brought so many things with them: books; clothes; food; holoshows; music; Chewie’s hunting gear, which he’d generously lent them; even a few games to prevent them from dying of boredom. And, of course, there was the laundry list of mysteries they needed to solve together. There would be no shortage of things for them to do during their time in exile.

_ How in the world will we survive  _ one _ year, let alone five? _

Rolling onto her side, the slight creak of the bed echoed through the metal walls of the tiny room. 

_ What’s wrong with me? _

Only two hours before their landing, the static of her hopelessly entangled thoughts lulled her into a dreamless sleep, one which she hoped would be over soon. As she slipped out of consciousness, she wondered what the future would bring them.

* * *

“Rey.” Ben’s gentle voice roused her from sleep. He was kneeling by the bed, his hand resting on her arm.

“What is it, Ben?”

“We’re here. Chewie says we’ll be landing in an hour, so we should get our things ready.”

Rey sat up slowly. Her eyes adjusted to the fluorescent light flooding in from the open doorway behind him. “I’ll be with you in a minute.”

“You sure you’re alright?” he asked, knowing what her answer would be.

“Yes. But I’ll probably need at least five more hours of sleep once we get there. From the looks of it, you might need it too.”

Ben smiled as he stood and backed out of her room. He still wore his black leather trousers, and Rey found that she quite liked the way they accentuated his muscles, in spite of herself. Blushing, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and breathed deeply. This was going to be a rough five years.

* * *

The  _ Falcon _ touched solid ground an hour later. At last, they had arrived on Laris, their home for the next five years.

Rey could already smell the forest that surrounded them as far as the eye could see, feel the ancient strength of the trees that populated the planet’s surface. Together, she and Chewie brought the ship to a steady landing in the clearing, a few yards away from the bunker. Breathing a sigh of resolution, she got up to open the door and take their first steps on the surface of this strange new world.

She exited the  _ Falcon _ with Ben close behind her, savoring each step she took from the ship’s gangplank. The sun was perched at a steep angle in the sky, gradually fading to a darkening shade of blue. As the planet slipped further into evening, the two Force-sensitives could sense all the creatures that thrived in the night hours coming out of hiding to begin their rituals of hunting or foraging for food, conversing in their own languages with one another, living their lives in the long hours of darkness. They’d have to get used to two new neighbors, Rey thought to herself.

The air was so crystal clear, Rey thought she might faint from the steady rush of natural fragrances swirling through her head. Ben put his hand on her shoulder, coaxing her out of her momentary trance.

“Still okay?”

Rey nodded. “Yes. I just can’t quite believe we’re here.”

“It’s a dump to be sure,” said Ben in his usual deadpan tone that made Rey smile. She had begun to enjoy his quick-witted sense of humor, one of his more unexpected qualities.

Rey had never seen such a beautiful planet before in her life, with the exception of Takodana, where she and Ben had met for the first time. It was just as green, just as fresh, but it also held a quality of mystery that tickled her senses. Life bloomed here, died, and was reborn, just as it did on every other planet it the galaxy. But here, everything seemed to happen in perfect harmony. The Force ebbed like the waves of a vast ocean around them. Ben could feel it too, taking a moment to stand beside her as the energy of the planet surrounded them, explored them, and welcomed them.

Chewie finally came down behind them, allowing the two humans a few more seconds of stillness before reminding them with a gentle growl that it was time to begin the move.

Rey and Ben looked at each other, catching the familiar gleam in each other’s eyes that meant something special had clicked into place.


	5. Alone and Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "From her tiny room, Rey could feel the entire forest that surrounded them. It breathed, in and out, spilling over into the atmosphere, and even into the space beyond the planet. It beat like a heart, pulsing with life, endless death and rebirth. Reaching out, she saw the seeds that fell from the highest trees to the ground, growing beyond their shells beneath the soil, taking root, breaking the surface, reaching for the sky, grasping for air to breathe, until they were as tall as the trees that gave birth to them. It was the most amazing sensation Rey had ever felt, even more so than when she had felt the energy of the island on Ahch-To. Rivers and creeks, lakes and ponds, grass, flowers, weeds, animals, they all lived together here in perfect balance. Perhaps, she thought, they might learn to do the same in time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of my Valentine's Day special; this is for all my readers and Reylo family for being so wonderful and supportive. Happy V-Day loves!

The majority of their luggage required all three of them to carry into the bunker together, though Chewbacca felt obliged to do most of the heavy lifting himself, despite protestations by both Rey and Ben, neither of them wanting to feel useless. As soon as the heaviest things had been settled, they brought the light carry-on baggage from the  _ Falcon _ , setting it down beside them.

The move-in was finished in less than an hour, yet Rey felt more exhausted than ever when the time came to say goodbye. She missed her friends already, more than she could say. But Chewie had always been special, the closest thing she’d had to actual family. She didn’t even try to restrain the tears as she approached her guardian and let him fold her into his arms. Rey quickly grew tired of trying to hug him tighter than he was hugging her.

After letting her go, Chewie turned to Ben, and Rey knew that if the Wookie could smile or cry like a human, he would. They already had a complicated history, but Han Solo’s lifetime partner had never truly stopped loving the little black-haired boy who used to run around the  _ Falcon _ , imagining he was off with his father on one of his wild adventures. 

Enveloped in Chewie’s warm embrace, the six-foot-four Ben Solo looked almost like a child. Rey could see the tears beginning to form in Ben’s eyes, and she quickly looked away, struggling to fight back her own emotions.

Chewie rested his paws on both their shoulders, his head bobbing from side to side as he regarded the two younglings who were about to embark on a brand new adventure of their own. He looked down at the girl he’d come to care for so dearly, wondering if this was what it felt like for human parents to have to let their children go when they grew up. Her whole body trembled from the effort of not crumbling to the ground at his feet. Touching a furry finger to her face, he wiped a solitary tear from her cheek. Then he snuffled something to them both that gave Rey the strength not to faint from the emptiness that was gouging itself into her stomach.

“We’ll see you soon,” Ben said.

With a forlorn farewell grumble, Chewbacca turned and boarded the  _ Falcon _ . The moment he took his paws off their shoulders, Rey thought the air itself might crush her where she stood. Ben Solo held out a hand to steady her, and it was just enough to keep her from falling apart.

When the  _ Falcon _ finally blasted out of sight, Rey felt rigid for a moment. Then she turned sharply, brushing past Ben Solo, heading in the direction of the bunker.

* * *

The bunker, Leia had explained to them, was an old prisoner of war cell from the days of the Rebellion, and although it hadn’t been occupied in years, it was still suitable for living in. It was used to house mostly high-profile prisoners; those higher-up Imperial officers whom the Rebellion had somehow managed to snare. They’d needed a place to put them that wasn’t infested with rats or other rodent-like creatures, so they built a small facility that was equipped with anything that might keep an Imperial officer from dying of boredom, from holo-soap operas and cheesy books, fattening foods, and all the liquor that they could stuff inside their boudoir.

Rey liked that it smelled nice, despite (or possibly because of) the air freshener having been busted long ago. It looked somewhat dismal on the inside, but she was confident that they’d find a way to make it feel more like home over the next five years.

Rey walked through the open doorway, standing on the threshold for several still moments, breathing in the scent of fresh leaves that eked in through the cracks in the walls. It was dark, but she didn’t feel like turning on any lights right now. All she wanted to do was lie down on her own bed and sleep through all five years of their exile.

Ben walked up behind her, unintentionally looming over her. Rey knew he couldn’t help his size, but sometimes she wished he would shrink a foot or two at least; maybe then he’d be less intimidating.

Without thinking, Rey dropped her things and began to take her clothes off. She didn’t care that Ben was there, or that she could feel the discomfort building steadily inside him. Nothing mattered now. They were stuck together on this beautiful, lonely planet for the next five years with nothing but each other to pass the time. She had nothing to hide from him, not even her own body. Besides, she’d seen him plenty of times when he didn’t want her to; the Force had connected them at inconvenient times before. Releasing her hair to let it tumble over her shoulders, she stormed off to her room, shutting the door behind her.

Ben stood alone in the open doorway, a cool breeze blowing against his back. He couldn’t feel it. His mind was a bit preoccupied at the moment. Rey’s clothes and things were strewn about the living room like fallen leaves. Without thinking, he gathered them up, savoring their soft texture. Bringing them slowly to his face, he inhaled her sweet scent with trepidation, feeling foolish, ashamed of his childish curiosity. He’d done things in the past that made him feel like a monster; this made him feel inhuman, unclean… _ unworthy _ . 

_ Of what? _ he asked himself. 

_ Of her _ .

Attempting to discard the feeling of pleasure that her scent gave him, he went to her door and knocked. When there was no answer, he cleared his throat.

“Rey?” Still no answer. Before he could walk away however, the door slid open. She wordlessly invited him in; the numbness that radiated from her body seeping through his clothes and penetrating his skin. He didn’t want to disturb her. She’d been trying to meditate, but hadn’t gotten very far.

From her tiny room, Rey could feel the entire forest that surrounded them. It breathed, in and out, spilling over into the atmosphere, and even into the space beyond the planet. It beat like a heart, pulsing with life, endless death and rebirth. Reaching out, she saw the seeds that fell from the highest trees to the ground, growing beyond their shells beneath the soil, taking root, breaking the surface, reaching for the sky, grasping for air to breathe, until they were as tall as the trees that gave birth to them. It was the most amazing sensation Rey had ever felt, even more so than when she had felt the energy of the island on Ahch-To. Rivers and creeks, lakes and ponds, grass, flowers, weeds, animals, they all lived together here in perfect balance. Perhaps, she thought, they might learn to do the same in time.

Ben stood in the doorway, looking at her as he had before, that strange sensation he couldn’t identify pulsing through his body.

Rey sat on the edge of her bed, her head tilted back, face bathing in the fading sunlight that spilled through her open window. Ben could feel its warmth on his own face. He clung desperately to it. Her back was to him. She still wore her breast strap and trousers, but she felt even more naked somehow, more exposed. 

_ Vulnerable _ .  _ Small _ .

Finding himself again, he crossed the floor and laid her clothes gently on the bed. Rey turned her head in soft acknowledgement of his presence. Ben stood up straight, feeling cramped in the small room. Rey’s arms were wrapped tightly around her legs, as though they were the only thing she had left to hang on to. The light reflected her tears, shimmering like stars on her still cheeks. Ben’s breath slowed, his heart quieting in his chest. Twisting around so she could look into his eyes, Rey felt their connection clicking into place again, and the rest of the world slipped away. The only light that existed in the whole universe was between them, generated in the electric space between their gaze.

“Sit with me,” Rey said, patting the space beside her on the bed. “Please.” She didn’t have to ask him twice. In a moment he was by her side, and he didn’t feel so much larger than her anymore; they were the same, both vulnerable, both small, but stronger together.

Rey’s energy felt soft beside him, coaxing his defenses apart. His breathing and heartbeat fell into sync with hers. A great, unraveling sigh of relief passed between them. They weren’t alone. 

The Force had connected them for reasons they couldn’t begin to understand. They were both outsiders who always stood apart from the collective chaos of the galaxy. They’d both known loneliness, tasted fire in anger, rain in calmness. They both knew what it was like to feel everything and not know what to make of it all.

For now, they simply sat together, watching as the light of day faded from the world, and the thick blanket of night pulled itself over the sky, studded with countless stars that sung together in harmonies of color and light. Light and darkness conjoined, eternally hand in hand. No conflict could ever separate them. Theirs was a bond that was stronger than all the hatred in the universe, that had stood the test of time; unending, unbreakable, and for the first time in what seemed like ages, whole again.

Although no words ever left their lips, their minds whispered together in silent communion. Rey’s hand slid towards his, grasping it firmly, a yearning felt. He squeezed hers in return, a promise answered.

Rey had wanted so badly to be angry with him, to hate him for everything he’d done. But any kindling of fury that there might have been between them was doused by their shared longing for peace.

The sun finally tucked itself behind the mountains, a serene evening glow settling over everything. They gazed softly at each other, a mutual, touchless caress. An ancient, timeless sensation that had been waiting for thousands of years to be felt.

Rising to leave the room, Ben placed his hand on her shoulder one last time, murmuring through their bond,  _ Good night, Rey _ . 

Once he’d left, Rey curled up in the middle of her bed, not even bothering to get under the covers, and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	6. The First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The moment they set foot beneath the canopy, they belonged to the woods. A thick entwinement of light and darkness threaded through the empty spaces between the trees, flowing through the roots and branches that spread deep underground and high overhead. Every branch seemed to reach out to them, welcoming and beckoning them to venture further in. Rey had never seen this place before, and yet her heart had already begun to build its home there. Ben felt a great sense of both calm and chaos, a vacillating ache and release in his chest. Rey squeezed his hand reassuringly. Looking behind them, Rey could see exactly where they had come from. Looking ahead, she knew exactly where they were going."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of my 2-part Valentine's Day special💜

The moment she opened her eyes the next morning, Rey felt more refreshed and alive than she’d been in months. Breathing slowly in and out, she felt the entire forest breathing with her. Remembering where she was, and with whom, she smiled.

Then, just as quickly, the blissful feeling disappeared, as she reminded herself  _ why _ they were there in the first place. Silence filled her head. She hated when this happened; it was like dying to her. And she knew very well what it was like to be so close to death that the only thing tethering her to this life was her will to keep going, to keep  _ waiting _ . 

_ Not yet _ , she always told herself.  _ I am still alive _ .

She felt stronger now, and stronger she would be for as long as she could bear this exile.

“Good morning,” came the deep, foggy voice of Ben Solo, leaning casually against the doorway. He wore a simple, long-sleeved black shirt, one that looked soft and comfortable. Rey shivered, wishing she could curl up in that shirt and fall back asleep.

His eyes looked tired, but the rest of his face seemed to have lost its usual tension and weariness. His hair was still just as glossy and extravagant as ever, one of the few physical remnants of the mighty, arrogant Kylo Ren. Rey had no idea how he managed to keep it that way, but she liked it. That, and the piercing, devilish look in his eyes that made her shiver in a different way.

“Good morning,” she said, pulling the covers up around her and rubbing her eyes. “Sleep well?”

“Not really,” he replied in a monotone voice that made her smile. He could be quite funny when he tried too hard to be serious. “You?”

“I slept fine, actually. Thank you.”

Ben looked at the floor, searching for a way to say something that was simpler than he thought.

“Hungry?” Rey asked. Her head felt fuzzy, but her stomach had already begun to grumble.

Looking up again, Ben said, “I meant to ask, what do we do about food?”

“There should be piles of Resistance rations in the refrigerator.”

“And yet nothing looks particularly appetizing.”

Rey sniggered, eliciting a confused expression on Ben’s face that quickly turned to one of embarrassment. “What?” he asked.

“On Jakku, I got by for fifteen years on the most tasteless portions in the galaxy, scavenged from wrecked Imperial warships. It was all we had, unless we were skilled, or stupid enough to actually go out and kill something. The creatures being hunted were often much more keen on eating us, so we usually just opted for portions.”

“You say ‘we’ and ‘us’ when you refer to the other scavengers.” Ben sat himself awkwardly across from her on the bed like a child anxious for a story. “Were they like family to you?”

Rey smiled at his eagerness. She actually felt comfortable telling him her life story. “We were a community of sorts. To tell you the truth, I don’t think anyone saw it as such, but we all knew each other based on how good we were at scavenging. Very few of us ever got chummy; there was always a fear that, when push came to shove, our ‘chum’ would sooner pull a knife on us and run off with our hoard than starve to death themselves. It was never easy, even for the ones who were there for longer than fifteen years.” Rey looked down at her fingers, suddenly self conscious.

“Were you ever ‘chummy’ with anyone?” Ben asked tentatively.

“Once,” she said, looking deeply into his eyes, searching for the long-buried memory in their reflection. “Not long before I left that place for good, a year or so, I found a crashed ship in the desert, an old Ghtroc 690 light freighter. Damaged, but still in one piece. I knew if I could fix it, Unkar would pay handsomely, enough to keep me fed and hydrated for at least a week. I was…I  _ am _ good at fixing things, and I knew I could do it.” Her voice trembled as she recalled the pain of cramped and bloody fingers, and the hot, sweat-filled air inside the ship.

Ben placed a rough hand over hers.  _ Are you sure you want to tell me this story? _ he asked with his eyes.

_ Yes _ , she answered. 

“I had to keep it a secret for long enough. That was the real trick. I used a memetic sheet to hide it, and for a while it worked. But then I met Devi and Strunk, sister and brother scavengers, or so they told me. They’d noticed I wasn’t hanging around Niima Outpost as much as usual, and it didn’t take them long to guess that I was up to something. The sheets were beginning to break down, and they soon found my freighter, with me in it. I was fixing the navicomputer relays in the cockpit. They congratulated me on my find and offered to help me fix it. I knew the work would get done faster with three pairs of hands, and they weren’t nearly as horrible as the scavengers I was used to.”

An image came to Ben’s mind of Rey, smaller and thinner than she was now, alone and desperate for help, for sustenance.

“They just seemed so young and innocent. A naive part of me wanted to trust them. You couldn’t trust anyone out there, not really. But I said yes, and they proved their worth to me. We made real progress on the ship, and they even helped me defend it against a gang of Teedos who tried to steal it from us one night.”

“Teedos?”

“Local Jakku scavengers. Not very friendly, at least not to me. I guess I was so good at my job that I had become a threat to them. But at the same time they sort of respected me, as someone who knew how to defend myself and get whatever I needed, if I could afford it.” Rey smiled faintly. “Anyway, after that night there weren’t any other problems. We finished fixing the Ghtroc, and we flew it into Niima. I left them to look after it while I went to negotiate with Unkar about the price. While my back was turned, they stole my ship, taking my hopes for a week without an empty belly or a dry throat. I never saw them again.”

Tears began to gather in her eyes. “The worst part is, I know exactly why they did it. There wasn’t a single person on that ball of dust who wouldn’t have leaped at the opportunity to steal someone else’s ship just to get out of there. Except for me.”

“Because you’re not like them,” said Ben. “You’re too stubborn. Too strong.”

“No,” said Rey. “I was waiting for my parents. Like a stupid,  _ stupid _ child who never grew up. Never learned.” A lump formed in her throat and she struggled to swallow it down. The room was swimming in the fresh tears that had glossed over her eyes.

Ben Solo wanted so badly to gather her into his arms, tell her she wasn’t alone and that she would never be alone again. Instead he watched as her sand-colored skin rose and fell with every heave that threatened to release another torrent of despair. He knew she wanted to find the strength on her own.

Clearing his throat, he said, “I’m so sorry, Rey. I didn’t mean…”

“No, it’s alright, Ben. It’s not your fault.” Rey sniffed, rubbing the tears from her eyes. “We’ll have rations for breakfast today.”

Ben nodded in silent agreement. “What about lunch?”

Rey stood up, stretching out her weary limbs. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

While she pulled her arms languidly over her head, Rey sensed a growing discomfort in him and realized too late that she still didn’t have much on in the way of clothes. Ben’s face had turned a soft shade of pink. Feeling suddenly exposed, Rey reached frantically for a shirt as goosebumps appeared over her bare shoulders and arms. The fuzziness had cleared from her head, and she was no longer too upset to ignore the warmth of his gaze brushing tentatively against her skin.

Coming to his senses, Ben quickly looked away, his embarrassment emanating palpably and inescapably through the room. “Sorry.” He stood up slowly from the bed, nervously clearing his throat. “I’ll um...see you soon.”

Rey’s back muscles tensed underneath the thin fabric of her shirt. She turned to look at him, her cheeks already blooming. “Yeah,” she said. “I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Ben nodded once before hastily retreating from the room. Rey couldn’t decide if she felt excited or mortified. Either way, she had far too little experience to dwell on it further. She needed to get ready for the day.

_ Our first day _ , she thought.

* * *

Rey quickly showered and picked out something casual to wear (which constituted most of her wardrobe). She decided to leave her hair down again; she liked the way it felt when it was freed from the buns that she’d worn for most of her life.

After dressing and glancing in the mirror to make sure her hair didn’t look like a bird’s nest, she emerged from her room and headed straight for the kitchen. Her stomach had been rumbling for the past hour, and she was anxious to get something mildly nutritious inside it.

Ben was sitting at the small table, silently playing with his soggy meat-veg portion as though he wasn’t sure what it was. Rey grabbed two portions for herself from the refrigerator stock, heating them up on the cleanest stove she’d ever seen in her life. There wasn’t a spot of grease on the thing!  _ That’ll soon be put right _ , Rey thought. 

As soon as her meal was ready, she sat down next to him and they both ate their rations in silence.

Rey finished chewing her food and cleared her throat. “I was hoping we could explore the forest today,” she said brightly.

“You do realize that this entire planet is one big forest,” said Ben, that familiar Solo snark kicking into high gear. Rey brushed it off.

“I’d like to get a feel for our the kind of world we’re dealing with here.”

“Ah,” Ben said into his cup of bitter caf.

Rey smiled. “Thank the stars you haven’t lost an ounce of that famous Solo arrogance. There’s hope for us yet,” she sniggered. Eyeing his plate, she asked “Do you want me to help you?” Ben slid his portion over to her without a fuss, remaining silent while she eagerly polished it off.

After licking the savory grease from her fingers, Rey said, “Come on Solo. We’ve got a lot of exploring to do.”

Throwing on a light jacket and swinging her satchel and quarterstaff over her shoulder, Rey marched out the door. The early morning sun greeted her like an old friend from a past life, fresh and tender and breathtaking. Ben came up behind her and immediately shielded his eyes against the glare.

Pausing in the middle of the clearing, Rey breathed deeply, inhaling the breath of the forest, letting it fill her lungs. They listened to the wind whispering through the trees all around them, the frost-coated grass crunching beneath their feet. Secrets hidden within every leaf that fell softly to the ground, waiting to be discovered.

“Let’s go,” Rey said with a sigh of determination.

Before the edge of the tree line, they stopped and looked at each other. The wild undergrowth seemed to call to them in voices only they could hear. Rey held out her hand and Ben took it without hesitation. The moment they set foot beneath the canopy, they belonged to the woods. 

A thick entwinement of light and darkness threaded through the empty spaces between the trees, flowing through the roots and branches that spread deep underground and high overhead. Every branch seemed to reach out to them, welcoming and beckoning them to venture further in.

Rey had never seen this place before, and yet her heart had already begun to build its home there. Ben felt a great sense of both calm and chaos, a vacillating ache and release in his chest. Rey squeezed his hand reassuringly.

Looking behind them, Rey could see exactly where they had come from. Looking ahead, she knew exactly where they were going. A breathless laugh escaped from her chest. “Keep up,” she said, guiding him forward. “I don’t know where we’re going. But we’ll be there soon.”

“What does that mean?” Ben said between gasps of air, glancing cautiously around them.

“No idea.”

The overwhelming thickness of life enfolded them with every step they took. The Force pulsed, heavy and deep, like a heartbeat. Every tree seemed to be observing them from above, looking deep into their past. As though they knew them better than they knew themselves. It was the most unnerving feeling; nothing could be hidden within these woods. With every step, every breath, and every heartbeat, the forest listened and heard everything.

Rey stopped suddenly, frozen in place as though she were waiting for something. “I sense...” The hairs on her arms stood up and her entire body went stiffened. Ben could feel her quickening heartbeat through her rigid fingers. 

“What is it?”

“Shh!” she was staring straight ahead. “Wait. There’s something...”

Before Ben could say anything else, she let go of his hand and sprinted straight ahead. She was a fast runner and he struggled to keep up with her. Her feet were light and flew over the forest floor, while his were heavy and tore clumsily through the underbrush.

She’d spotted something that he couldn’t see; several feet ahead of them, there stood a large pile of stones in the middle of a clearing where the mass of trees broke. It sang to her, calling out to her through the wind and the roots beneath her feet. Something stirred deep inside her like a coiled snake awakening from eternal slumber.

At last she found herself standing at the foot of the massive pile of stones, gazing up at them in wonder. Some leaned against each other, others balanced on their own as though held in place by an invisible hand.  _ An invisible force _ . The stones gave off steady waves of energy, passing through her body and echoing through the trees.

By the time he caught up with her, Ben Solo was gasping for breath, and he felt as though his head might explode. He didn’t have much experience traipsing through wild forests, let alone running through them at top speed.

“Rey, what…” he found her standing in a clearing, staring up at a pile of giant stones that generated an incredibly strong Force signature. He was surprised he couldn’t feel it before. The energy pulsed through his bones, rattling his teeth and making his knees shake. “What is this place?”

Without a word, Rey dropped her things and began to climb the stones. After years spent crawling through the jagged wreckage of star destroyers on Jakku, it came naturally to her. She leapt onto each stone like an Alderaanian mountain goat until, at last, she arrived at the top, crouching down to catch her breath.

The ordeal of rock climbing proved substantially more difficult for Ben than it was for Rey, and he barely managed to keep up with her. Rey held out her hand to him, and he grunted as he pulled himself up to join her at the summit. His chest heaved with exertion, a thick sheen of sweat glistening on his forehead, his dark hair clinging to his face. 

Once their breaths had calmed, they surveyed their surroundings; they were several feet off the ground, and the air seemed much clearer. The sun’s rays had just begun to spill over the treetops that framed the small patch of blue sky above them, causing the leaves to glow with an almost golden tint.  _ Could this be the start of the changing of seasons here on Laris? _ Rey wondered.

“Why are we here, Rey?” Ben was staring straight up at the sky. 

Rey looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are we  _ here _ ?”

Struggling to remain centered, she said, “I don’t know. Any ideas, genius?”

Ben didn’t even try to answer with something clever. He was far too absorbed in something that Rey couldn’t see.

“Rey… _ listen _ .”

“To what?” she strained her ears to listen. “I can’t hear... _ oh _ .” Tuning herself to the vibrations of the forest, she was startled to find that all the sounds of the forest had faded away entirely. They simply weren’t there. As though they’d stepped under a dome of silence. The air itself stood still, and the whispering trees had fallen silent. The only sound that remained was that of their heavy breathing, slow and steady and louder now than before.

The two froze in place, as though any movement might shatter the moment. The world around them seemed to be steadily slowing to a halt. They waited for something they could feel was coming, but had no idea what it was.

A low throbbing rose at the base of Rey’s skull, crawling down her spine and reaching out to the tips of her fingers and toes. She felt as though her entire body had become a conductor for some powerful energy descending from the sky and into the stones beneath them. They both felt it, traveling through them at the speed of light. Looking warily at each other, a single thought passed through their bond:

_ The Force. _ A rare, pure manifestation, striking them both with streams of silver light. An energy that connected them to everything.

Rey could feel herself losing control of her own body, and for a single, terrifying moment she thought she might keel over and fall. But something much deeper inside her bones told her that if she simply let go, trusted in the Force to hold them both, everything would be alright.

They allowed the Force to take control, moving through them in rivers of light and shadow.

Then, almost as quickly as it happened, the vibration within them subsided, and the world began to quiver and whisper again, as though awakening from a dream. 

Rey and Ben looked at each other. They both felt astoundingly normal. And yet, a new light shone in their eyes that hadn’t been there before.

Hardly breathing, they helped each other to climb back down to the ground, feeling the weight of the air settling around them.

A fresh breeze brushed against them, gently reminding them of sensations that were once familiar. It rippled through their bond, a shared body of stillness, reawakening feelings that neither of them had ever noticed before. Their fingers gravitated instinctively towards one another. Her hand opened up to welcome his like an old friend.

The sun had passed directly over the stones, and was now beginning its slow descent from the sky. Together they walked silently back through the forest, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Something strong guided their way; Rey sensed that it was the same thing that bound them to each other. That same energy now led them, like a string tied to their waists, all the way back.

* * *

The forest was alive around them once again, the whispering sounds of leaves and tiny animals rustling in the bushes, echoing through the woods. 

Neither of them felt like going back into the lifeless bunker just yet. Instead, they stopped in the middle of the clearing and sat down together in the field of tall grass that surrounded their home. The sun was still high in the sky, the day wasn’t done with them yet. Rey’s teeth chattered from the shock of energy she had just experienced. Gradually, as the excitement died down inside of them, they began to sway together in the gentle breeze along with the grass.

It was strange, almost funny, to think about; they both felt more attuned to the rhythms of the planet than ever before. They were a part of it, and it was a part of them. A sensation had taken root in both of them, harmonizing with their bodies and their souls. A ringing that was on a different frequency, but humming the same melody as their bond.

Rey gathered her legs and hugged them tightly to her chest. Ben sat hunched over a tuft of grass, staring intently at it as though it was the single most fascinating thing in the world. Rey looked up, watching as tiny puff clouds danced across the open sky, some kissing the mountaintops, others floating miles above them. She observed their fluid motions, constantly flowing shapelessly like the Force itself.

Letting out a sigh of release, Rey fell back into the grass, cradled in its cool, stringy arms. Lacing her fingers, she rested her hands on her belly, feeling it rise and fall with every inhale of Laris air, entering and exiting her body. 

Turning her head to look at Ben, she saw that he was deep in thought, deeper than she’d ever seen him before. His face was partially hidden from her by his mass of black hair, but she sensed where his thoughts were leading him. Rey wanted so badly to bridge the gap that still existed between them. They were on the same level, but separated by a deep chasm that refused to close, but got closer and closer the longer they were together. When they were apart, the gap widened, and new wounds would gush forth, filling the spaces between them with oceans of pain and conflict.

Rey reached up to pluck a single strand of black hair off his sleeve, rousing him from his reverie. Ben looked over his shoulder at her; she was so beautiful, reclined upon the grass, her hair spread out around her corona-like, capturing the golden light of the falling sun.

Rey studied Ben’s face intently as he looked down into her eyes; it was relaxed, and yet it contained a million thoughts all at once. His ancient eyes told stories that were centuries old, things he’d never seen in his own lifetime, and yet he carried them deep within his soul. Sitting up again, she brought her face much closer to his, gazing deeper inside of him. Searching.

After what seemed like an eternity, Ben broke their shared gaze, looking straight ahead, his eyes reaching back through the woods beyond the clearing. 

Tucking wayward strands of hair behind her ears, Rey leaned back and looked at him pensively. She sensed that something was on his mind, something that needed to be said. She played absentmindedly with a lock of Ben’s raven-shaded hair.

His face was stern now, as though an unseen weight were pressing down on him. His neck grew tense, brows drawn in tight as a knot, and even Rey noticed the subtle shaking of his hands as they hung loose over his knees. He was struggling to keep himself from losing control. If Rey hadn’t been there, he wasn’t sure what would happen; her presence calmed the storm within him.

Although she didn’t know how or why, Rey understood every ache in his chest, every twinge and strain behind his eyes as though those feelings were her own. The simple act of touching him had ignited a secret hunger within her that she’d never known before. A hunger for his darkness, his suffering. And a thirst for the light which still burned within him.

“What are you thinking about?” Rey whispered, lacing her fingers into his.

The wind shifted ever so slightly, and with it, Ben Solo’s focus. Ripping his gaze away from the tree line, his eyes settled on her face again, so gentle and painless.

Her other hand had abandoned Ben’s hair to rest soundly on his shoulder. His labored breathing began to slow. Her eyes took in every inch of his face, every shift in balance between light and shadow.

“Ben. You know you can tell me anything.” 

At her words, Ben breathed a sigh of relief, allowing her voice to sweep over him like a noctilucent cloud.

“All my life,” he began, “I’ve asked myself the same questions, over and over again: who am I, where do I belong? There were times when I thought I’d found my place, where I thought I knew who I was. But they were only ever delusions, the foolish hopes of a boy torn apart by the conflict within myself.”

Rey listened intently to his words, barely breathing or moving a muscle.

“But then,” he continued, “I saw you. All at once, that dream I’d held onto for so long, the lies I had been led to believe, all came crashing down around me. I’d spent the better half of my nights seeing visions of a nameless, faceless girl who would bring the destruction of who I thought I was, and all that I thought I had. But the instant you appeared to me, it was all gone. 

“As I stupidly tried to gather the broken pieces you left behind, the image of you would come back with a fury, brushing past all my defenses; your eyes, your face, everything about you. You tortured me for nights on end after you left me to die, without ever having to lift a finger. When I would close my eyes somewhere in the galaxy, I knew you would be opening yours light years away.

“Over time, I realized that it wasn’t really  _ me _ you were destroying, but Kylo Ren. You were killing the monster I had become, holding up a mirror for me to see who I truly was. When I climbed out of that pit on Exegol, you were the one lifting me back up to the light. And when I held you and gave you my life, for the first time in forever, I could  _ feel _ again.”

Turning to face her directly, Ben grasped Rey’s hands, holding them warmly to his chest. Rey stared at him, her eyes wide with understanding.

“Rey…I didn’t know who I was, or where I belonged. I may not even know that now. But it doesn’t matter, because those stones showed me something I never could have imagined in my wildest dreams.”

“I saw something too,” said Rey, gasping for air. The release that she felt from him washing over her, carving through her. “And I think, this time, we might have the same idea.”

Neither of them fully understood the sensations coursing through their bodies in that moment, but they both knew that they had established the first truth of their bond; it was gradually becoming conscious now, something moving deep within them.

Once more, their eyes connected and everything slid into place. Things always seemed to make more sense when they looked at each other. As the threads of their thoughts began to disentangle, new pockets of emotion swelled within them, bursting with energies that had no identity, overflowing with meaning.

The sun had begun to settle over the snow-capped peaks in the west, making them sparkle in the dim evening light, before they realized they’d been sitting there for well over an hour. They both stood and walked back to the bunker together as the shadows on the ground grew taller, reaching out in the wake of their footsteps as they left the outside world for another night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! This one was tough to get through, but so worth it! Have a happy, happy Valentine's Day, and may the Force be with you...always😊


	7. Deeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rey and Ben stood at the edge of a great lake, twin puffs of crystallized breath escaping from their lips, mingling with the cold morning air. The forest surrounded them, cold and still, an army of petrified guardians, dusted with frost from the night, their veins pumping with the same warm quintessence that flowed through the planet itself. Heedless of the ruptured peace in the galaxy beyond. A thick morning mist veiled the lake, blurring the shapes of the shivering trees that stood across from them, quietly peering through to see the dyad that had wandered into their midst. They seemed to be watching them, leaning in ever so slightly, straining their frozen roots to see what these mortal strangers would do next."

The next day dawned much like the first; ration breakfast, and the shocking realization that they had nothing to drink. There was a tap in the kitchen, but it was used primarily for washing dishes, and the water that came out of it was too warm and soapy for either of their tastes. Rey had seen plenty of gut-wrenching sights in her life, but one thing she never wanted to witness again was Ben downing an entire glass of tap water and then practically throwing it up all over the breakfast table. It could have been worse, Rey supposed, pushing the gruesome image out of her mind of Ben coughing up blood or some other sickening substance after drinking poisoned water.

“There has to be fresh water somewhere,” she said after cleaning off the table top. “We’ll find something.”

“And then we’ll have to come up with a system that doesn’t involve us hauling buckets of water back and forth every single day,” said Ben.

Rey wanted to punch him in the arm, but she knew he was right. She continued, unperturbed by his peevish cheek, “We’ll need to get a move on before we both die of thirst. We can figure out the rest on the way.” She had already grabbed her satchel, quarterstaff, and jacket, and was headed out the door before Ben could finish chewing his stale breakfast.

Emerging from the dim bunker into the crisp early morning air, the outside world felt much less alarming than before. They’d gotten up an hour earlier than the previous morning. The sky hung cold and blue with hints of gold lining the edge of the mountains. The towering trees obscured the light of the forthcoming sun as they made their way to the edge of the forest.

“Which way are we going?” Ben asked.

“Since I took the lead before, I think you should be the one to make that call.”

Ben looked at her for a moment before peering deep into the trees. He tried to discern a path or a sign through the dense foliage that would somehow tell him which direction they should take. Rey almost felt sorry for him as his eyes wandered frantically over the tree line.

Grimacing, Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to ignore her barely-concealed smile of amusement. Instead, he thought of how she had known where to go the day before. Neither of them had ever been here before, and yet she had been able to find her way through the woods as though she’d lived there her whole life. If she, a would-be Jedi with minimal training in the ways of the Force, could do it, why couldn’t he?

There was a time when he didn’t doubt himself so much, when nothing prohibited him from diving headfirst into something that would either break him or make him stronger. Most of the things he’d done for Snoke were no better than nails in his own coffin, leaving very little room for any light to get in. But ever since he met Rey, he had come to doubt his own judgement considerably, as it only seemed to lead to the destruction of the things he held most dear, weakening his resolve and his soul.

This time is different, he thought. She’s here. Standing beside him, her hands planted firmly on her hips, smiling at him like nothing was wrong. He envied her ability to see light in darkness, and moreover, to see the good in people who had assumed there was none left. It was one of the many reasons why, in the time that they’d known each other, Ben had come to not only respect her, but also to care for her deeply.

After staring for a minute longer at the motionless trees, he looked to Rey again. His mind was full of uncertainty, but her eyes were bright with anticipation. He knew that she understood, she was only trying to help him to push beyond his own limits. But he still had no idea what to do, and Rey could sense that in him as well.

Finally, he shrugged, and a sigh of defeat escaped his chest. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Leaning her staff and bag against a tree, Rey walked over to him and placed her hands over his. Gently lifting his arm so that it extended in front of him, she wordlessly instructed him to reach out and feel.

“Your fingers are too rigid, try to relax. Let go of yourself for a moment.” Her voice dropped to just above a whisper. “Remember, even though we were sent to this place as prisoners, we came here as students. We’re searching for answers, meaning, balance. No matter what happens, the Force brought us here for a reason. We need to trust it and decide for ourselves how to meet the challenges it’s given us.”

Ben Solo began to relax, allowing the tension in his body to slip away. He listened to her voice, letting it ease him from the tight grasp of his insecurity and fear.

“It’s alright to be afraid, Ben,” she continued softly. “Anger, confusion, frustration, they’re all natural. But they do not control what you choose to do with them. The choices we make become who we are. We learn from our failures. We have to be the ones to find balance in all this. You have that balance within you, you only have to find it, trust it, and let it fill you up until there is no room left for doubt.”

“Is this really what you think about when you make a decision?” Ben asked.

“Shut up and pay attention.”

Ben obediently closed his mouth and listened to her words. At first his arm ached from holding it out for so long. But as the Force began to flow through him, reaching out and touching everything around them as far as the eye could see, the steady pulse of energy soothed his muscles, and he remembered his strength.

“Now,” Rey whispered so close to his ear that he could feel the tingle of her breath, her fingers still touching his outstretched hand, “Breathe. Just…breathe. Reach out. And see.”

Ben breathed steadily.

He reached out.

And he saw everything.

Not just the lakes and rivers, but the roots that criss-crossed beneath their feet, consuming and sharing all the nutrients that lived deep within the mountain soil; the shape of the mountains themselves in stunning detail; the silent exchange of breath from tree to tree, circulating into the atmosphere, sustaining all life within.

His eyes snapped open.

“What do you see?” Rey asked, still focused intently on his face.

“Water,” said Ben. “Fresh water. A lot of it. Straight ahead.”

* * *

Rey and Ben stood at the edge of a great lake, twin puffs of crystallized breath escaping from their lips, mingling with the cold morning air. The forest surrounded them, cold and still, an army of petrified guardians, dusted with frost from the night, their veins pumping with the same warm quintessence that flowed through the planet itself. Heedless of the ruptured peace in the galaxy beyond. A thick morning mist veiled the lake, blurring the shapes of the shivering trees that stood across from them, quietly peering through to see the dyad that had wandered into their midst. They seemed to be watching them, leaning in ever so slightly, straining their frozen roots to see what these mortal strangers would do next.

As it turned out, “a lot of water” was a bit of an understatement; while they stood there, the gentlest silver waves lapped at their toes. Rey could feel the icy freshness of the mountains seeping in through the wool of her boots. Her feet longed to jump out of their fabric confines and splash around in the gleaming shallows. The lake seemed to stretch on for miles in either direction, and Rey wondered if she were to run along its edge, would she ever reach the end?

“You were right about there being a lot of water,” she said, tentatively adding her voice to the collective murmur of the waking woods. Ben was transfixed, hardly noticing that she’d spoken at all. Her words rippled faintly through the air, just another part of nature that had always been there but had never been detected.

“Yeah,” he replied.

Rey stepped forward, allowing the water to soak into her shoes. “We should stay here for a while. Get to know the place.”

Ben grunted softly in approval, breaking his fixation with the water to look at her.

“Did you bring rations?” he asked.

Rey was already digging through her satchel for something mildly appetizing. “We should build a fire, just so we can keep warm until the temperature picks up a bit.”

Ben stepped up eagerly. “I could do that.” Rey stifled a grin at his enthusiasm. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Ben, but I highly doubt that.”

“What about me says that I don’t know how to make a fire?”

Rey looked him up and down. “Honestly? Everything.” Ben’s expression darkened, and Rey bit back the laugh that crept into her throat. “But you could help me gather some kindling at least.”

Ben immediately ambled off into the woods in search of firewood, while Rey set about preparing their rations. It would be, more or less, the same thing they’d had for breakfast, but with less meat and more processed vegetable packets, far too salty for her liking. Luckily, Rey had also brought along two cups so that they could make use of their newly discovered source of refreshment if need be.

Ben soon returned with a small armload of twigs and branches, and with surprisingly little difficulty, he was able to arrange the pile and set it alight without her help. She shot him an intrigued look.

“I did learn some things while I was with Luke,” he said. “It wasn’t all playing with lightsabers and…”

“Lifting rocks,” Rey interjected.

Ben chuckled knowingly. “You too, huh?”

The fire soon grew big enough that they were able to successfully cook their food and warm their frozen fingers. Mornings on Laris would always be chilly, but Rey suspected that winter would be coming soon, and with it, the promise of increasingly colder nights. The sooner they got used to providing their own source of heat, the better.

Rey pulled her jacket tighter around her. “Last time we sat together in front of a fire, we weren’t even on the same planet.” The fire was warm, and beads of sweat had begun to appear on her face, but the air around them still sparkled with mist, and the sun had not yet risen high enough to break it.

Ben looked up from his meal and smiled. As usual, his silence spoke volumes more than his words ever could. His dark eyes shone out through the wavy black hair that framed his face. He still looked pale and imperceptibly tired, but Rey couldn’t remember a time when he seemed so content as he was now.

“Do you remember what you said to me? When I called out to you, told you how I felt, how terribly alone I was.”

“Of course I remember,” Ben said.

Rey looked down at her empty plate, smiling nervously. “It feels like it was ages ago. Sometimes I wonder if it really happened. If it was even real.”

Ben set aside his unfinished portion. “You were so cold. You were shivering, I could feel it. The blanket didn’t do you any good, you were soaked through to the skin. Your hair was loose, like it is now, but shorter. And wet.”

Rey’s smile grew, and the faintest blush spread through her cheeks.

“You reached out to me through the Force. It was like your soul was crying, shaking inside of me. You needed someone.”

“I needed you,” said Rey.

Ben surveyed her face, his eyes deep and penetrating. “You said…my name. Not out loud. But I heard you.”

“And you came. I knew you’d come.”

Ben remembered how small she’d looked, how vulnerable and tired her soul felt. The minute he entered the hut, when she turned to see him standing there, that look of utter defeat and confliction on her face, tears in her eyes that hadn’t been shed for years. He didn’t know what to do, and neither did she. He was her enemy, her opposite. And yet, in that moment, he was all she really wanted. More than she would ever have admitted to herself, she realized how much she needed him, and how much they needed each other. It was more than the bond, more than fate, or destiny, or the will of the Force. It simply was.

“I have to admit,” Ben said, “I was surprised you wanted to talk to me at all.”

“Me too.”

_The pain radiated from her in sharp waves, hitting Ben’s chest over and over again, scratching at the surface, begging to be let in. He didn’t say anything. Instead, they simply sat down together in front of the small fire she had made, and she let herself tell him everything. All that was left unsaid, he already knew._

_“I was all alone down in that cave, there was no one to tell me what I should do. At first, I was afraid. Because I knew that, whatever I would find down there, it would be something that I needed to see, something that had been hidden from me all my life. My body felt numb, I couldn’t even hear myself think. There were…voices, all around me. They may have been from the past, or the future. Some of them I could’ve sworn I’d heard before, but I don’t know when or where. Someone, or something, was calling my name. I followed it, followed all the way down the endless line of my own reflection, on and on and on. I should’ve felt trapped or panicked. But I didn’t. This didn’t go on forever, I knew it was leading me somewhere. And that at the end, it would show me what I came to see.”_

_She paused, looking down at her hands. She still shook from the cold, but his presence calmed her, helped her to see things more clearly somehow._

_“I thought…” Rey bit her lip, swallowing down another wave of tears. “I thought I’d find answers here. But I was wrong. I was so stupidly wrong! I’ve never felt so alone.”_

_“You’re not alone,” came the deep voice from the other side of the fire, the other side of the galaxy. It was earnest, full of want and sorrow and all the pain she felt in him. She looked up, and he seemed so real to her. He wasn’t even there, but he was somehow fully with her._

_His words hit her with the force of a tidal wave, silently and steadily invading her heart. She looked into his eyes, saw the reflection of the fire dancing in the darkness there. “Neither are you,” she said. And she meant it._

_As she extended her hand to him, she realized that she’d never felt so sure of herself in her life. She didn’t feel alone anymore, not while he was there. Her heart begged him to take her hand. Her chest ached with anticipation when he removed his glove, reaching across time and space to meet her. And when their fingers brushed, the entire universe seemed to crumble away, explosions in the most distant parts of her mind faded, all the faces of her past were erased in an instant. Her body filled with his emotions, his history and his future. She didn’t just see them, she felt them. They were soft and constant and brighter than a million stars. His name danced through her heart, etched there forevermore like a promise that could never be broken. She knew why she’d come to this place, this lonely nowhere. It wasn’t because of Luke. It was because of him._

They both shivered as the memory faded softly like frost on a spring morning. They munched slowly on their rations.

Rey took the two cups from her bag and filled them both with water from the lake. After handing Ben his cup, she sat down beside him, taking care not to spill a single drop. On Jakku, water was scarce, and even when it could be found, it was nearly always saturated with dust, sand, and happabore saliva.

Rey held her cup like it was the most precious thing in the galaxy. Ben couldn’t help but smile at her wonderment each time she looked at the lake, as though she couldn’t believe it was actually there.

“Shall we drink?” asked Rey.

Ben grinned softly. “I don’t know. It could be poisoned.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, if you’re so sure,” Ben raised the cup to his lips.

Rey shouted “Wait!” Ben paused, looking at her with mischievous eyes. “We should drink together. I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s not poisoned. But all the same…”

“It’s better not to die alone.” He meant it in jest, but Rey swallowed a hard lump that appeared in her throat.

“Yes,” she said.

Ben smiled. “On three?”

“Okay.” Rey’s hands were shaking.

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.” Together they drank, and the most amazing sensations exploded in their mouths.

Ben had spent the majority of his life on starships, where there had been more than enough water. But it could not come close to the sweetness that danced on his tongue when he took his first long swig from the lake. It felt like heaven itself filling up his veins with the icy flavor of the mountains, the very essence of Laris. Drink after drink.

The drinkable water on Jakku had been given to the scavengers in bottles salvaged from wrecked Star Destroyers, and it always had a faint metallic aftertaste that was sour on the tongue; Rey could only think of the hydration it would bring. Water was water, whether it was clean or, more likely, not. It was the most sought after commodity among the scavengers, regardless of where it had come from before being gulped down by parched lips and dry throats.

Rey nearly squealed from the spine-tingling sensations that filled her body the moment the water met her tongue. With each sip, her fingers trembled with delight. She became worried that they might drink the entire lake dry before noon, although no matter how many times she went back to refill their cups, it remained full.

“You know what, Ben?” Rey said, “You really should learn to trust yourself more often.”

Ben smiled, making her feel much warmer inside. His face rippled, dream-like, in the heat waves of the fire. Rey found herself praying to the Force, not for the first time, that this wasn’t a dream, that they were truly here, together.

When they were so full of water they felt as though they might burst, Rey set aside her empty cup and stood to watch the lake’s glistening surface. Ben followed suit. Even the faintest ripples were mesmerizing in the early morning glow, dancing in the growing light of day, it’s gentleness transcending even the land that cupped it. It seemed to murmur to them, beckoning for them to enter, forsake the land, and take to dreams, waiting just beneath the silver surface.

The sun finally peeked over the canopy, bathing the lake in golden light. A quiet warmth filled Rey’s belly, a new thirst to be in the water, to be with the water. Discarding her satchel and jacket, she pulled her shirt over her head and stepped out of her shoes, placing them neatly next to each other on the shore. Though the sun now shone fully on her, there was still an icy chill in the air. She barely noticed it.

“I think we should set some boundaries,” Ben mused.

Rey threw him a coy grin. His face was red again. She enjoyed making him a little bit uncomfortable, a small kind of payback she could deliver without using words or weapons.

All the tension sunk deep inside her body the minute the water touched her ankles. She was surprised to find that it wasn’t nearly as freezing as she thought it would be. The longer she stood in it, the warmer it got, absorbing the heat from the sun and from her body.

Rey thought that the lake must have some healing power. It sparkled blindingly all around her, studded with thousands of shards of scattered light. Rey opened her palms, spreading her fingers wide at her sides. Her feet drank up whatever magic the sun poured into the lake, breathing deeply, feeling the vibrations of the air as it moved through her. The currents caressed her ankles, blown along by a breeze sweeping down from the mountains.

All at once, her heart began to beat fiercely, exhilaration filling her up and bubbling over. A burst of excitable laughter exploded from her chest, and she dove headlong into the water. As she swam deeper and further away from the shore, Rey felt the lake consume her, flowing through her smoother than breath. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so free.

Ben stared at the spot where she’d last appeared above water, his boots dug into the soft gravel. Each time her head bobbed back up, she instantly dove back down again. She’d given herself to the lake. He longed for her sense of freedom, childlike and yet somehow ageless. He’d known such burdens in his life, and now that they’d been lifted from his shoulders, he felt breathless. Something different pressed against his chest, a silent yearning.

When she came up again, Rey rubbed the water from her eyes and paddled back towards the shore. “Ben, what are you doing? Get in the kriffing water!” She could sense the apprehension inside him, holding him back. “Can’t you swim?”

Of course not; he never had the chance to learn. Rey wasn’t exactly an expert herself, but she could at least keep her head above water. Reaching out to him through the Force, she could sense his fear and a powerful urge to overcome it.

“Your parents never took you swimming when you were little?” Rey swam closer until she could feel the gravel beneath her toes.

“Never had the time,” he said.

Rey bit her lip. “Take off your boots at least. Let your feet feel the water.”

Ben obediently removed his boots and stepped up to the edge of the lake. The water warbled as it lapped against the shore. He flinched for a moment when it touched his toes, then relaxed and shuffled further in. When the water reached his ankles, he stopped.

“It won’t bite you,” Rey said, pulling herself back up to dry ground. She stood before him, searching his eyes for that spark of Solo bravery. She’d forgotten how disorienting it was being so close to him, especially when she had very little on and the water had soaked through her chest strap and pants so that they clung tightly to her skin. Rivulettes of water streamed down her back, pooling at her feet. She was a sight, but she didn’t care.

Ben tried to avoid her piercing gaze, pretending to observe how the waves broke upon his ankles.

Rey placed her hands on her hips, a stance that told Ben he was being challenged. “Take off your shirt.”

Ben was thankful that his hair still covered his ears; they felt as though they were on fire. Rey’s eyes remained fixed on his face as he pulled the black shirt over his head. She didn’t dare move her gaze down. He was already shivering from sudden exposure to the cool morning air.

She moved closer to him and said, “Take my hand.”

Rey’s hands were soft and damp from the lake. The moment their fingers touched, that familiar shiver ran through both of them, and memories flooded their minds. Rey began to walk backwards, leading him further into the water. His chest rose and fell faster with each step.

“Ben, look at me,” she said. Her eyes were deep and disarming. “It’s going to be alright. I’m here.”

Ben nodded in response. He knew that she was fully with him, not just a peripheral presence, but a tangible figure of safety and calm. He wouldn’t have torn his eyes away from hers for the world. All at once, their connection flowed as smoothly as the waters that now came up to their waists. He felt as though he was wading deeper into her eyes, the brown shimmering with flecks of gold, consuming him. The sun illuminated her faint freckles.

Soon the water came up to his shoulders. The ripples were soothing, and he found that he enjoyed just standing in the water, completely surrounded on all sides by the lake. He could stay there all day, enveloped, protected. Rey, however, had another idea.

“Hold on tight,” she said.

“What?”

The next thing he knew, they were underwater.

The lake gathered them in liquid arms of silence and deep blues melting into the dark green shade of the depths below. All he could see was Rey’s face, their fingers laced together, sinking lower and lower.

They began to dance around each other, weightless, moving closer as they sank further until their foreheads touched. Ben put his hand on Rey’s back to hold her closer to him. Rey’s hand found his face and they stayed that way until they’d run out of air and had to return to the surface.

The morning light returned with the cacophony of the many voices of the forest. As soon as they emerged, the cold mountain air rushed into their lungs, pulling them from whatever trance the lake had put them under. They swam back to shore together.

Rey looked back at Ben as he came up out of the water behind her. His eyes seemed darker now, not in a sinister way, but in a deeper way. Intense, as though being in the water had opened up another level of depth in his soul.

His black hair was slicked back behind his ears. Rey was genuinely surprised that this was the first time she’d ever noticed them. She understood how others might see them as larger than normal. But to her, they were better than normal; they were absolutely perfect, just the right size for his face.

Her eyes wandered down a bit, taking in the way the light reflected off his shimmering chest. He didn’t seem as intimidatingly large as the first time she’d seen him like this, when the Force had connected them that night on Ahch-To. Back then, Rey had been terrified of their connection, and of him. She hated him with an unrivaled passion that consumed her ever since she witnessed him killing his father. Their moments of connection during the time she spent on Luke’s island had softened her stony anger, eroding it until it was smoother than a pebble in a stream. Somehow, the heavy hatred she’d harbored for so long was carried away as swiftly as a leaf on the wind, leaving her with anger still, but muddled with something else, something new that she’d never felt before for anyone. Something that Luke had mentioned once during her training, like passion, but softer, more gentle. Compassion, she remembered.

What she’d felt for Ben that night in the hut when they first touched, skin-to-skin, when she saw his future and he saw her past, as their bond wound itself ever tighter around them. What she felt for him now, but much stronger. The last time she’d felt these things was on Crait, when the Force had connected them once more. She’d looked into his eyes and seen his anger, despair, heartbreak, sadness, and loneliness. And she felt it again: compassion.

He seemed to have lost quite a bit of weight since she left him there; he was still undeniably strong, his muscles standing out fiercely against his bright skin. Perhaps it was because they both felt so vulnerable in that moment, much more like who they were deep down, as though the water had washed away all their defenses, leaving behind little else they could use to protect themselves from one another.

“I should’ve brought towels,” she said, more as an afterthought than an actual statement.

Ben grinned. “The cold doesn’t bother me.”

“That’s good to know. I’ve only spent the last fifteen years of my life on a desert planet, whereas you’ve lived most of your miserable existence in space. Congratulations on being so much tougher than me.”

“I am not tougher than you,” said Ben, catching on to her jesting tone, “and you know it.”

“Yet somehow I’ve already succumbed to your dark-side wiles and Solo charm. You could smother me in my sleep and I’d be powerless against you.”

“I thought we’d agreed we wouldn’t joke about that.” Ben stepped closer to her. Rey didn’t move. “If you were anyone else but you, smothering would be a real probability right now.”

“And just what is that supposed to mean, hot shot?” Rey stared, once again, into his breathlessly dark eyes, jutting her hips defiantly and planting her hands firmly on them.

Ben had a new, twisted smile on his face, reminding Rey of the way he looked at her when she’d been held prisoner on Starkiller Base, after revealing his face to her for the first time. When he told her that he could take whatever he wanted from her. She swallowed the memory back down with difficulty.

“Funny,” he said, “I remember mom calling dad ‘hot shot’ hundreds of times. I wasn’t sure what it meant back then. But now I think I understand.”

Rey forced an awkward smile onto her face, turning away from him to gather her things around the smoldering campfire. “It was Leia’s go-to nickname for Poe. I thought it had a nice ring to it.”

“Huh.” Ben looked comically confused. “All this time I’d assumed it was a term of endearment reserved for dysfunctional married couples.”

“I don’t like where this conversation is going,” said Rey, throwing on a jacket, not even bothering to put her shirt on first. “And your parents were not dysfunctional. I thought you, of all people, would know that.”

“First, I never said my parents were dysfunctional. I said their marriage was. And second, what do you mean, you don’t like where the conversation is going?”

“Sometimes I say things that don’t make sense. I’m not perfect.”

“I know,” said Ben. His smile was gentle again, and he still hadn’t taken his eyes off of her. It was starting to give her an uneasy feeling.

“Good. Let’s drop it then, shall we?”

“Alright, fine! Let’s do that.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

Slinging her satchel over her shoulder, Rey grabbed her staff, turned and started to walk back into the forest, leaving Ben alone and utterly confused. He hurriedly pulled his shirt on, grateful for the warmth it had absorbed from the sun, and followed her.

* * *

Rey was angry with him. Really angry. And she had no idea why, which infuriated her even more. She couldn’t understand why he was being such an insufferable prick, why she was being so sensitive. None of what she was feeling made any sense, and it drove her further and further out of her mind. As she walked, she began to lose awareness of where she was, swept up in her confusion and irritation.

The smell was what first hit her, pulling her out of her blinding fury. Looking around, she saw that she had stumbled into a clearing filled with the most beautiful, bright-blue wild flowers she’d ever seen. Their potent fragrance wafted through her head, sickly sweet, making her feel dizzy. It was the dreamy kind of smell that reminds people of when they were young, happy, when everything was simple and the smell of flowers filled the whole world. It stopped Rey dead in her tracks, ripping all the resolve from her body. Tears gathered in her eyes, washing away the rest of the world. Her throat ached terribly, her heart pounded in her skull, and any control she’d had a moment ago slipped through her grasp like sand. She was drowning in a pain she hadn’t felt in a long time, a pain she’d kept carefully hidden from herself for years.

She couldn’t feel it when Ben finally ran up behind her. He’d sensed the sudden rush of pain that flooded her heart, a pain he knew all too well. He found her standing in the midst of a field of blue flowers, barely moving. And yet he could feel the waves of anguish radiating from her body. The minute he arrived, the most overpowering scent surrounded him, smelling of beauty and long-forgotten innocence. It smelled of his childhood, his mother’s warm voice in the night, his father’s laughing eyes, the look of inconceivable happiness on their faces when he first entered the world. This place tore these memories from deep inside his mind, nearly bringing him to his knees. And he understood why it was causing Rey so much pain.

Somehow this place was conjuring their most distant childhood memories, clearer than they’d ever been. But while it filled Ben with feelings of comfort and safety, it only left Rey with utter emptiness. She’d never really had a childhood. Everything that should have been hers, love, safety, family, was stolen from her. She’d never known how it felt to be held in her mother’s arms, to be comforted when she was afraid, cared for and loved. This place of beauty had laid are all memories of the past for both of them.

Ben hadn’t realized that his eyes had become wet with tears. His stomach trembled as though he was going to be sick, and his entire body was shaking with fury and despair. All this was coming from Rey, their bond allowing him to feel everything she felt.

That feeling of peace that the lake had instilled in her was gone. All that was left was pain. Tears streamed down her face, hot and furious, stinging her trembling cheeks. The more she tried to hold them back, the harder they came.

Ben made his way to her side, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. No sooner had he touched her than she flinched and slapped his hand away as though he’d cut her. Her sadness had become searing anger in an instant, and he wasn’t sure what to make of the sudden change in her emotions. Her eyes blazed, overflowing with burning tears, incinerating everything inside him.

“Don’t touch me!” she screamed. Her breaths were shallow and rasping, her arms hanging rigid at her sides. Her hands were balled into shaking fists, and Ben didn’t know if she was about to attack him or run away. He wasn’t sure if he should take several steps back or hold on to her.

“Rey, I…”

“What? You what, Ben?” Her entire face trembled uncontrollably, her jaw strung tight. She was still shivering, but not because she was still wet from the lake.

Ben swallowed. “I understand.” He meant it with every fiber of his being. And even as he said it, he knew she wouldn’t believe him. He braced himself as she opened her mouth to spit back at him.

“No, you don’t! You have no idea what this is like. You can never know what this is like!”

“Yes, I can, Rey. We are bound by more than just the Force. You know that. We were forged under different circumstances, but we’ve known the same pain, the same loss, the same anger. We’ve both wanted to destroy everyone and everything that ever hurt us. The scars we bear are the same, and nothing can or will ever change that. But you have always fought back against the urge to destroy, to use your pain to burn everything down. You’ve always been stronger than me, Rey.”

“Is it because you hate yourself so much?” Rey cried, her passion dying but still powerful. “Because you despise your very existence? Is that why you resent your parents, why you regret being their son? For loving each other enough to bring you into this world?”

“I don’t resent them.”

Rey moved closer to him, until they stood only inches apart. Ben could feel her anger like a fire against his flesh. “I never knew my parents! They were gone before I could know how much I needed them, what it meant to not have them. Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

“I do.” The sincerity in his voice snuffed out the remaining fire in her heart. She continued to resist, even as she realized he was telling the truth. She knew that he understood how she felt more than any one else ever could. So why did she still feel so angry? Was it truly anger…or something else?

“I hate you,” she said in a pitiful whisper. They were so close now that their noses touched, and their eyes were fused together. She was shaking even more now than before, and his eyes were so deep she was instantly lost in them. “I hate you.” Her voice had all but gone from the lie. It was only a lie she told herself now. She could barely hear herself saying it. Without thinking, she rested one hand on his chest, the other on his neck, inching slowly towards his cheek. Their bond murmured with anticipation, quivering silently between them, through them, and around them. Ben’s fingers played absentmindedly with the wet, wavy strands of dark brown hair that hunt loosely in front of her face. Her eyes were no longer fierce, but filled with longing. So were his.

“Let’s go home,” Ben said, stepping away from her touch and letting the bond’s energy fade as he made his way back through the forest.

Rey’s hands fell limply back to her sides. She felt as though she could hardly breathe, and yet the breath came and went as it always had. Her heart had fallen silent once more, and she wondered if it had abandoned her body along with the strength she once had. Pulling herself back together, she picked up her quarterstaff and followed Ben silently back to the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry I didn't get this one in on time you guys, I've been dealing with a lot of things, school and friends being a couple. But don't worry, from now on, there will be a new chapter coming every week, so stay tuned 😊👌🎉


	8. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She had been so foolish to think that everything was mended between them; that he could atone for his sins overnight; that her own faults and blindnesses could go unpunished. She had always misjudged him, making the horrible mistake of only seeing his darkness, then pushing it all aside in order to root out his light. But when all was said and done, she was just as much to blame as he. She, of all people, should have known that no one can let go of their darkness completely, especially when it had dominated their destiny for so long. If there could be any semblance of balance between them, she had to come to terms with both sides of him. She had to try again to draw him out. And this time, she’d need to draw out all of him."

Neither of them slept peacefully that night. Nor did they get much better sleep for many nights after. The days came and went, and with them, Rey’s ability to look at Ben the same way.

She had been so foolish to think that everything was mended between them; that he could atone for his sins overnight; that her own faults and blindnesses could go unpunished. She had always misjudged him, making the horrible mistake of only seeing his darkness, then pushing it all aside in order to root out his light. But when all was said and done, she was just as much to blame as he. She, of all people, should have known that no one can let go of their darkness completely, especially when it had dominated their destiny for so long. If there could be any semblance of balance between them, she had to come to terms with both sides of him. She had to try again to draw him out. And this time, she’d need to draw out all of him.

These thoughts plagued her during the restless nights that followed their altercation in the field of wild flowers. Since then, their connection had become cold, fragile. Rey decided that it was as much about the sudden, searing anger she had felt as it was about all the other feelings. She turned the memory over in her mind, examining the sudden flash of electricity that had spread through her veins as they moved closer and closer to each other. Her heart leapt a beat when their noses brushed. Her breath hitched in her throat at the look in his eyes, so gentle, yet smoldering with desire. Beneath her jacket, her damp skin had trembled under his full gaze.

In the midst of all this confusion, the sickly sweet smell of wild flowers had seeped into their clothes, into their bones, permeating every thought and feeling that passed between them. A stifling concoction of ecstasy and pain. Dreams had been far away, memories white-hot and humbling. The feeling of his warm breath on her cold face, his fingers playing with her hair. Her hand on his throat, threatening violence; then inching slowly towards his face, promising something else.

They both longed for the courage to take the first step towards rekindling their bond. In the night, Rey still found herself wanting to go to him, to speak with him. She could feel the strained sigh that escaped from his lungs each time he got close enough to touch her, but never did. When they were alone, they’d stop what they were doing to look down at their bare hands, summoning the memory of their first touch, all those nights ago on Ahch-To.

The longer their connection went unused, the more they were forced to consider what it really meant to them. They were allies, certainly.  _ Friends _ . But, in a way, they were enemies still; each fighting a side of their own personal war, striving to get closer to each other, but neither of them knowing how. The longer these things went unspoken between them, the harder it became to discern the difference

* * *

Weeks of unbearable tension had gone by, and finally Rey couldn’t take it any longer. After another sleepless night, before the darkness had begun to fade into the day, she jumped out of bed and stormed down the hallway to Ben’s room.

She knocked, clearing her throat. “Ben, can we talk?”

Almost immediately, she heard the padding of heavy feet moving towards the door and stepped back. When he opened the door, she found that all the words she’d been preparing to say had gone from her mind; he stood before her, tall as ever, his hair and clothes unruly from tossing and turning in his bed. The distant look in his eyes made her feel empty and dumb. She could sense his exhaustion and his desperation, silently echoing her own.

Struggling to look into his eyes, she searched frantically for something to say but failed. All she could do was sigh and fold her arms over her pounding chest. “Are you going to invite me in?” she asked, “Or shall we just go back to square one and forget about it?”

Ben stepped aside and Rey brushed past him, catching a whiff of his comforting, musky scent. His eyes were as soft as his sweater, following her as she entered his room and sat down on the bed.

Rey motioned for him to join her. Ben sat down beside her, inadvertently pressing the mattress down so that she slid closer to him. The silence filled with everything they wanted to say, but had forgotten how to articulate.

Finally, Ben spoke up. “Are you okay?”

Rey felt as though a balloon had just been deflated inside her. Letting the weight of the past few weeks slide off her shoulders, she simply shook her head. “Are you?”

“I can’t remember ever feeling so free.”

Rey looked at him. “We’re both prisoners.” But she knew what he meant.

Ben laughed. “I know.”

Without thinking, Rey let her head fall gently onto his shoulder, slipping her hand into his. Their fingers laced together, and she felt just how rough and strong they were, how warm he could be when the fire of anger had finally subsided within him.

The silence ebbed softly around them, quiet sighs of relief passing back and forth between them. Rey nuzzled her cheek against his arm, soaking up his smell, reacquainting herself with his steady, familiar presence.

“I’m sorry,” she said. A single tear rolled down her cheek; she hadn’t realized how badly she’d been wanting to cry until now.

“Rey.” Ben reached up to brush the tear away. Pulling her into a tight embrace, he let her empty her pain into his chest, gently massaging the back of her neck and breathing in her wild, earthy fragrance.

“I’m so sorry!”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Rey.”

His voice enveloped her like a blanket in its depths, soothing the sadness that still lived inside her. As they held onto each other, they both felt the bond stitching itself back together; all the fractured parts of their connection mending, healing.

“I just wish we’d had more time.”

“I know.”

“I would have loved you. I would have kept you safe.”

Ben shut his eyes tightly, hardly daring to believe that this was real. He had felt so alone for most of his life. If only he’d known that, somewhere in the galaxy, there was another lonely child who would have loved him with everything she had if she’d known he existed. But she was only a dream to him for the longest time, a vision that made him feel safe in his darkest moments. Now here she was, with him, and as he wrapped his arms tighter around her, he made a vow to the Force and to himself that he would never lose her again.

“We’re here now,” he said. “We’re safe. We won the war.”

Her body trembled with anger. “I wish I could destroy everything and everyone who ever hurt you. I wish I could make them feel the pain I felt every single day I was alone. I wish I could fix everything, Ben!”

Releasing her, Ben cradled her face in his hands. Her eyes shone with tears and rage. “Listen to me.” He swallowed his own tears back before they could overwhelm him. “All my life, I thought I was alone. I thought I was destined for darkness and isolation. I thought that was all I had. But I was wrong; we both were. I was never alone, Rey. And neither were you.”

As she breathed slowly, in and out, the fire inside of her died down, and she noticed for the first time how breathtakingly beautiful his eyes were; the tenderness that overflowed from them every time he saw her for who she truly was. Rey felt so held by his unwavering gaze, captured and stripped bare in a single look. Wiping the rest of her tears away, she smiled and looked down at her hands. They were trembling before, but now they’d gone still as ice, laying open in her lap, scarred and content to be free for once.

“There’s things I want to say to you. But I...I don’t…”

“It’s okay, Rey.” Ben brought his lips surreptitiously to her forehead, softer than anything she’d ever felt. Her eyes fluttered closed, and a sigh of relief escaped from her chest. “We have all the time in the world. No one can take that away from us.”

“You’re right.” Rey sniffed, folding her legs and pushing her hair back behind her ears. “Oh! That reminds me, I wanted to tell you something.”

Ben looked at her.

“I’ve been thinking that we should start training again.”

“Training?”

“When it gets warmer, to keep us in shape. I don’t think I can bear to see you lose any more muscle skulking around the bunker all day.”

Ben looked incredulous. “I can afford to go a day or two without working up a sweat. You, on the other hand, have gotten far too thin.”

“Shut up!”

“I bet I could snap you in two without even trying.”

Rey smiled playfully. “I bet I could strangle you with one hand.”

“Oh for sure. If you used the Force.”

Before long they were both reeling with laughter, their voices bouncing joyfully off the bedroom’s metal walls.

When she finally had a moment to breathe, Rey said, “Stars above, are we really this twisted?”

“I’m afraid so.” Ben’s face was radiant, although his stomach hurt; he couldn’t remember ever laughing so hard in his life.

Pushing herself back up, Rey breathed a sigh of relief.

“Feel better?” Ben asked.

“Much better. You?”

“My stomach hurts.”

Rey giggled. Then she remembered something. “There’s something else I want to tell you about.” Ben looked intently at her, always prepared to listen when she had something to say. “When I lived on Jakku, I had a journal where I’d write and draw everything I saw. It was something I did to pass the time when there was nothing else to do, which, come to think of it, was most of the time. When I had no one else to talk to, this tattered little book gave me more comfort than any of the other scavengers could have. It really was my only friend, the only thing that would listen.”

“Until you met the droid. And... _ Finn _ .”

Rey could tell that he wanted to say “Traitor”; the word teetered on the edge of his lips each time he made reference to the erstwhile defective First Order stormtrooper, and Rey’s first friend, before dying completely. He’d been making an effort lately not to insult her friends.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Rey patted his leg in a friendly manner, then immediately discarded her hand, a dim blush creeping up through her cheeks. “You have no idea how good it feels to be able to tell someone about these things. I never felt like I could with the others.”  _ They never would have understood _ , she thought. The nervous laughter that ensued bit down on the stubborn tension between them until it crumbled, and they were left with nothing but themselves and each other once more.

Ben looked down at his hands. “I’ve been a major kriffing bastard, haven’t I?”

“Yes, you have,” said Rey. “But don’t let your mother hear you say that.”

“I’m a sick, twisted fiend who deserves every bit of torment I’ve gotten up to this point,” he said, his eyes sparkling with mischief, every ounce his father’s son.

Rey huffed, grinning. “If you’re trying to elicit pity from me, you’re failing miserably.”

“Is that why you haven’t spoken to me in weeks?”

“No.” Rey stood and looked down at him, the light returning to her face. “But that’s going to stop today.”

“Just when I thought my torment was over,” Ben said under his breath.

Rey punched him roughly in the arm, eliciting a muffled  _ ow! _ “Nerf herder.”

Ben stifled a grimace, barely keeping himself from cradling his bruised arm. “I deserved that. I really have gone soft, haven’t I?”

“You still owe me for saving your life, Solo.  _ And _ for not killing you when I could have, at least a dozen times.”

The image of Rey thrusting Kylo Ren’s lightsaber into his abdomen on the ruined Death Star flashed across Ben’s mind. “Clearly you’ve already forgotten about the fact that  _ I _ saved  _ you _ .”

“Please don’t remind me.”

Standing to meet her, Ben rose to his full, intimidating height. Rey was not one to be cowed, even by a man as imposing as Ben Solo.

Rey folded her arms defiantly, flecks of gold mingling with the amber of her eyes. “I wish I could just…”

“What?” Ben’s hands hung loose at his sides, twitching to do something,  _ anything _ : take her hands, her hair, wrap his arms around her waist like before, hold her so close, breathe her into his body, feel her. All these thoughts and more raced through his mind at the speed of light.

Rey exhaled loudly through her nose, blowing a loose strand of brown hair from her face. “Nothing.” Squeezing his hand, she whispered, “ _ Thank you _ .”

“No.” Stepping closer, Ben took her hand in his, filling her mind with his gentle presence. “Thank  _ you _ .”

“For what?”

_ Saving me _ , he wanted to say. Instead, he said, “Being here.”

“You’re the one who was here when I needed you,” said Rey, “You sat beside me and you  _ listened _ . I can never thank you enough for that.”

“I guess that makes us even,” said Ben. “No sabers either.”

Rey smiled. “No sabers.”

The early morning glow had begun to spill through the window, illuminating the bed and their tired bodies. Rey tilted her head up, cocking her eyebrow at him. Her eyes skimmed softly over his face, resting for a moment on the place where the scar she gave him used to be. Once again, their intimate proximity had lit something inside of her, vibrating like the wires on a running ship. Ben looked contemplatively into her eyes, his lips parted and quivering slightly.

“Has it always been this way between us?” Rey wondered aloud.

Ben nodded.

Rey’s eyes wandered briefly over his lips, noting the thin, dark stubble that had begun to form around them, framing them quite nicely. It gave his face a certain maturity that she hadn’t noticed before. Looking back up into his eyes, she was once again stunned by their otherworldly tenderness. A sudden chill slipped through the cracks in the wall and she shivered. “It’s getting cold. We ought to make use of Chewie’s hunting gear and start gathering food for winter.”

“I agree,” Ben said. “One problem though: I can’t hunt.”

“Neither can I.” Rey smiled knowingly at him.

Ben’s lips wavered into something resembling a grin. “That’s never stopped you before, has it?”

“Please. The only way I learned how to do anything was by teaching myself. Flying, fixing things, you name it. At least now we have each other.”

Ben’s smile widened, forming delicate crinkles around his dark eyes. “The Dyad goes hunting. Should be interesting, if nothing else.”

“Be quiet, Ben Solo.” Rey walked to the doorway and turned to look at him once more. His silhouette in the emerging sunlight struck her as singularly isolated. His eyes, once cold and empty, now warm and full of new life, followed her as she left his side, stirring something unknown within her. “I’ll fix breakfast. We’ll start hunting tomorrow. Who knows, maybe we’ll find enough to survive our first winter.”

* * *

The hunting equipment Chewbacca had lent them consisted of a variety of bowcaster models, each honed to the highest precision and tuned to their maximum fire power by their owner. As the pair looked over their options the next morning they wished, not for the last time, that Chewie had given them clearer instructions on how to use them. They both knew how to fire blasters, but it had been some time since either of them had had occasion to use their skills in a fight. By the end of their first day of hunting, they’d only been able to kill half of what they expected. Rey had done most of the shooting. Neither of them were particularly surprised by their lack of success.

Rey remembered a time when just the thought of owning a blaster excited her; she’d had nothing to protect herself on Jakku but her own strength, cunning, and, of course, her quarterstaff. When Han Solo gave her the blaster that would prove very handy in the days to come, she’d been as happy as a youngling on Life Day, eager to apply herself to a new skill. That same day she tested it out on a hapless stormtrooper and, soon afterward, on Ben. She tried not to think of the mixed feelings of horror, adrenaline, and satisfaction it had given her to kill the faceless First Order soldier. The memory brought a sour taste to her tongue and a dull ache to her chest.

Ben Solo, as it turned out, was quite a skilled cook. The fowl they’d killed that day tasted spicy yet sweet, the flavors perfectly harmonized. Rey smiled as she chewed her meal slowly, savoring every bite. Their catch for the day would yield a hearty lunch and dinner for the week at best, not nearly enough to sustain them for the rest of the winter. Each day that they ventured outside, however, they were able to catch more than the day before, mostly birds, fish, and other small animals of the woods. Soon it seemed to both of them that they would have enough to last them the whole month.

They also discovered, over the course of their excursions through the forest, that they shared a mutual distaste for hunting, and they laughed about it while sitting by the fireplace in the living room of the bunker late one night. They sat beside each other on the soft carpeted floor, sucking up the last juicy scraps of meat from their latest catch and sipping glasses of sparkling white wine imported from Coruscant, procured from the bunker’s fully-stocked liquor cabinet. After a few drinks, they both felt their minds beginning to stray from the path of reason.

“I’ve never had wine before,” Rey remarked, filling up her glass a second time.

“I have.” Ben swallowed the last drops of his own glass with a sophistication that couldn’t be taught. “Never much cared for it.”

“More?” Rey asked.

Ben held out his glass and Rey gladly filled it for him. She hadn’t had much experience with alcohol and was beginning to think she’d been missing out. The feeling of lightness it gave her was akin to floating through space, untethered and limitless, stars in her eyes and helium in her belly.

The hours passed and the night grew deeper outside the bunker, gathering its children into its shadowy folds. A million voices conversed in countless indiscernible languages while inside Rey and Ben watched as the fire dwindled, its warmth filling their bodies, drawing them closer together.

“Are we drunk?” Rey drawled after her fifth round. Her arms were wrapped loosely over her wine-filled stomach and she had begun to eye the bathroom, periodically locating it in case of emergency.

“I don’t know. How many of me can you see?”

Rey looked at him, squinting her eyes. “It’s hard to say. You’re so blurry.”

Ben Solo tossed his head back, letting loose a full-throated laugh. His voice was so different when he was happy, Rey thought, almost childlike. She took in every detail of his face, the warmth in his cheeks, the strong, defined curve of his chin, his thick, black eyebrows, the light in his eyes that grew day by day. Looking into them was almost as intoxicating as the wine.

Her own face, usually so intense, had grown soft as she regarded him. Ben had begun to notice the dimples in her round cheeks when she smiled, the way her entire face illuminated when she looked at him. The way she scrunched up her nose when she laughed, loose strands of hair falling in almost elegant waves over her shoulders. The way her brows arched gracefully over her bright eyes. Her perfect, wanting lips, parted slightly without ever saying a word.

Ben finally had to pry the half-empty bottle from Rey’s reluctant fingers. “No more wine for you, little sand rat,” he said, standing with difficulty to take it back to the cabinet. Rey groaned, splaying herself out on her back in front of the fire. She lazily pulled her shit up so she could feel its fading warmth on her belly. Her stomach had grown full and beautiful since they started hunting, and Rey felt stronger every day. She couldn’t wait to put her newfound strength to the test once summer returned and they started to train again.

Ben sighed, reclining onto his back beside her. Rolling onto her stomach, Rey observed how his face changed under the spell of relaxation, the flickering firelight reflected on its smooth surface. His eyes closed, he looked so peaceful, so harmless. Nothing like the ruthless warrior of darkness she knew. Bringing her face closer to his, a secret longing she couldn’t describe was born in her.

“Do I frighten you?” she asked him in a playfully drunken whisper.

Ben opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. “Every single day. You’re as volatile as a ticking thermal detonator. There’s no telling when you might pounce.”

“I anticipated that cheeky answer.” Her tongue had grown weary and her words were beginning to slur.

“And?”

“And...I’m sure I’ll come up with an equally clever comeback later.”

The faint smile that appeared on Ben’s lips when he looked at her did not escape Rey’s notice. “What?”

“You look beautiful.” The glow of the fire spilled over her face, highlighting the gentle curve of her lips, the graceful arch of her eyebrows, her half-closed lids, the way her loose, dark hair hung around her face in muted waves. Ben had always known she was beautiful, from the first moment that he saw her. But he seemed to only fully realize it in this moment, when their minds were left unguarded, and they were so close.  _ So close _ .

“Would you dance with me, Ben?” Rey said suddenly. Ben was taken aback at what he was sure he must have heard wrong.

“What?”

“Would. You. Dance. With. Me. Ben,” she repeated, annunciating each word so that not even a single syllable could escape his understanding.

Ben stared at her. Her eyes sparkled with expectation. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that I can’t dance.”

“That makes two of us.” Her smile was infectious, mischievous. It reminded him of his mother in the earliest days of his childhood. “But as you well know, that’s never stopped me before.” Awkwardly maneuvering herself to her feet, she took a moment to balance her spinning mind then held out her hands to Ben. He groaned, eliciting a playful kick from her. Stumbling to his feet, he stood unsteadily before his equally intoxicated partner, doing everything he could to avoid betraying the earth-shattering nervousness that quivered through his body.

“We need music, don’t we?” Rey immediately dashed off to another room to retrieve the crate of music discs that Leia had given them. Neither of them had had occasion to listen to a single album since they arrived on Laris. It seemed that in her efforts to contribute to their comfort in exile, she hadn’t realized that neither of them had cultivated any actual taste in music.

Despite the considerable weight of the box, Rey managed to drag it from its hiding place to the living room, bringing it to a stiff halt at Ben’s feet. After straightening up and noisily stretching out her back, she knelt down to inspect the cargo. “Aren’t you going to help me? You have more experience with this stuff than I do.”

Ben chuckled. “Hardly. I haven’t listened to music in something like twenty years.” Lowering himself down to his haunches, he absentmindedly fingered through the stacks of circular packets.

“Yes, but...I’ve  _ never _ listened to music. Not seriously anyway.”

Ben huffed impatiently. “You haven’t heard a single song?”

“Well, no. I mean, they would play music at Resistance parties, but those were few and far between, as you can imagine.”

Ben rubbed his forehead pensively, tiredly. “There was no music in the First Order. Not even the troopers were permitted to engage in any real form of leisure. Even if they had, it’s not like I would’ve joined them.”

“You poor things.” Rey sat cross-legged and played with a wayward strand of hair. “I’m so sorry you all had such enormous sticks up your arses.”

Ben threw her a look. Rey threw up her hands defensively. “Sorry! It’s the wine talking, I swear.”

Sighing, Ben silently skimmed through what few memories he had of the music his parents had listened to when he was young. Suddenly, his eyes landed on a particular album that looked somewhat familiar to him. Easing the packet from the pile, he held it heavily in his hands, thoughtfully running his fingers over the title. It was like the whisper of a voice from his past. The memory that had been deeply submerged in the mire of his subconscious pulled itself to the front of his mind: a tender place, a dimly lit image. His childhood home on Chandrila. Peeking out from behind his cracked bedroom door, he’d watched in silence as they swayed together, his parents, Leia and Han. Believing him to be asleep, they would dance the night away to a simple song, the dust from a simpler time still clinging to the album’s scratched surface.

Han had even shared it with his son once, telling him in hushed tones so his mother wouldn’t hear that when he finally found that special someone (as he was certain he would), all he had to do was play them a certain song, and the music would do the rest.

“Trust me, son,” he’d said with a twinkle in his aging eyes, “they’ll be melting like butter in your arms before the night is up.” Ben had been too young to understand, but now he knew exactly what his trickster father had meant.

“This one.” Ben showed Rey the disc before getting up to insert it into the old player. Amazingly, it was still in relatively good condition, thought it probably hadn’t been listened to in at least a decade. Ben flipped through the tracks until he found that familiar tune. He adjusted the volume and hit the repeat button in case it took them a few tries to get this right. Turning to Rey, he could feel her anticipation, her eyes glowing with excitement. She felt his anxiety as he moved slowly towards her, holding out his hand for her to take.

Although Rey had never danced before, she seemed to know intuitively where his hands should be. Without a word, she smoothly guided them to her waist, wrapping her arms lazily around his neck. The song eased along, steady and sweet. They began to sway together to the beat, falling easing into their shared rhythm. When he touched her, she felt as though she’d been stripped down to her barest self. The bond clicked to life when their eyes met, thrumming with the beat of the song and the pulse of blood rushing to their fingertips. They were melding together, the drunken warmth giving way to a strange new heat.

The two bobbed awkwardly back and forth, gradually surrendering themselves to the texture of the melody. The words being sung by a sultry female voice, in a language neither of them could understand, blended so perfectly with the music that they barely noticed it. The song flowed around them like a summer breeze, blurring everything beyond them. A bridge was forging itself between their eyes, a strong one that felt both ancient and new; their shared soul-body, the glowing form that connected them.

The fire died peacefully while they danced, leaving the room bathed in its lingering heat. Everything around them seemed to sway along with them, as though the song had taken possession of everything in their small corner of the universe. Rey imagined the trees outside gently bowing to the soft melody. She looked deeper into Ben’s eyes, capturing the darkness within. She could still feel its strong pulse, its essence in her own mind. When she first met him, it had felt like a raging, volatile beast, wounded and sick, lashing at its own chains. Now, it had settled into a steady, purring flow of deep, night-like blue. It was a part of him, as it was a part of her. She wanted to get closer to it, enfold herself inside of it, let it take all of her in. The darkness didn’t frighten her anymore. Instead, it surrounded her like the tender embrace of an old friend, welcoming, peaceful, and warm.

“I thought you said you couldn’t dance,” Rey whispered, searching his eyes as though they might give her more answers than his words would.

“Some memories have a way of coming back, no matter how far away they’ve gone,” Ben replied in an almost sleepy tone.

Rey smiled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know.” Ben’s face had softened, and his eyes lit up with a secret smile that only she could see. “I guess I was attempting to be poetic.”

“Points for trying.”

Rey’s hands slid down to his chest, soaking up the warmth of his heartbeat. Ben brought his hand to rest on her lower back, drawing her closer. Their eyes remained locked together.

“Uncle Luke used to say, ‘Do or do not, there is no try.’ I always thought that sounded stupid.”

“That is stupid. Why’d he tell you that?”

Ben smiled, trying to remember. “I don’t know. Maybe I was being difficult like always, and he thought he’d impart some of his played-out Jedi wisdom.”

“Rather than actually trying to help you.” Rey rested her hand on his shoulder. Ben leaned into her touch.

“Well...I wouldn’t say that he didn’t  _ try _ .”

They’d begun to sway more softly now. The music had faded fully into the background, leaving only the steady undulation of their bond.

Rey said, “I’m curious to know why you chose this particular song.”

Ben’s face softened. “Mom and dad used to dance to it some nights when they thought I was asleep. It was back when they were together. I don’t know what it was about this song, but it always seemed to bring them back to each other, even after fights that I was sure would tear them apart. Can’t say it did them much good in the long run, given everything that’s happened since…”

“They sent you away.”

The shadow of tears shed long ago glistened in his eyes. The wound in his side from Chewie’s bowcaster tingled like the last remaining embers of a fire. He didn’t want Rey to see his pain now, but she could feel it just as deeply as he. Bringing her hand to rest tenderly against his cheek, she gave her warmth to him, calming his trembling features. She didn’t need to say anything; Ben could sense her desire to comfort him, saw it in the way she looked at him, her dark golden eyes softened by the depths of her compassion. It was the way she’d looked at him in the elevator on the  _ Supremacy _ . In that instant, he had felt her soul reaching out to his, touching him, naked and cold, like a handprint on a window to another world. She’d felt his longing, just as strongly as he now felt hers.

This time was different. Rey’s hands weren’t bound. Her body was pressed firmly, perfectly against his. Any conflict that still existed between them had dwindled to ashes, blown away by the wind and washed clean by the churning waters of their bond. The warmth of their closeness bloomed as it had before, closing the gaps between them. Ben brought his forehead to meet hers; together they closed their eyes, shutting out all fear, doubt, and pain. They continued to sway as the music faded back into existence, gathering closer until it had wrapped itself around them, pressing them closer together. They’d completely forgotten the movement of time, of planets around stars around galaxies, spinning eternally around them. They stood together as survivors among the ruins of a lifetime spent apart, unconscious of everything but each other.

Hours passed while they stayed this way, dancing with and through one another, before they felt the chill of tears on their faces. Rey held his face in her hands, wiping away the fresh tears that streamed from his eyes, even as he did the same for her. She felt that some missing piece of her had been concealed within the etchings of his fingerprints, between the lines on his palms, something he gave back to her now in the simple act of holding her.  _ Like she was all he had _ .

“Ben.” Her voice came so softly through the space between them, caressing his lips like a promise.

“Rey.”

Their eyes met again, pulling eternities of unsaid words into a single moment. Her eyes drifted to his mouth again. She felt her throat tighten, her heart beating much quicker now, desire spreading through her like fire, bleeding through their bond.

“What?”

Ben swallowed back a broken gasp of air. “I think the player is broken.”

The music, which had drifted light years away, came stuttering back into focus, tripping over itself, stuck on a word, repeating over and over like it couldn’t decide whether to die or keep going. Wrenching himself away from Rey, Ben made the decision for it by slamming his finger into the off button. Silence fell around them like glass.

Rey stood stunned and shivering in the middle of the floor, the shock of their separation having shaken her to the core, carving out a piece of her that she hadn’t known was there. She felt the most indescribable things welling up inside her. She knew they’d been growing within him as well; something they’d never felt before with anyone else, a passion that left a deeper scar, screaming to be mended.

Ben looked at her. She was trembling, alone, staring back at him with eyes that wanted, that  _ needed _ . Closing the distance in a few short steps, he swept her into a fierce embrace and kissed her.

On instinct, she resisted at first, but only for a moment. The tension inside of her subsided, and she gave herself fully to the kiss, overcome by the sudden power of his lips against hers. Her fisted hands relaxed and settled over his chest, slowly snaking upwards to become entangled in his hair. He held her firmly in place, but she had no desire to move.

As their lips melted against each other, the line between them grew fainter. At first there was anger, a fire that could burn a city to the ground. But as they began to succumb to one another, a tranquilizing passion settled over them, allowing the bridge between them to weave itself into a cord, tying them unbreakably together. Their shared desire seemed to spill out of them, mixed with hurried breaths and helpless tugging at clothing and hair.

He held her so tightly she thought she might suffocate, but she wasn’t afraid. She knew he would never do anything to hurt her. Her hands roamed over his body like hapless explorers lost in a wilderness all their own.

Then all at once, it was over. Their lips parted and air rushed in and out their lungs, excitement laced with fear, trembling and desperate as the first time they touched. They gently pressed their heads together, eyes shut tightly, as they sank into another waking dream.

They both felt as though they’d crossed over a threshold, one that had been open and waiting for them for a long time. Everything around them had been turned upside down, shattered, and they were the only ones left whole. They stood as one together, as they were always meant to be. More than just a dyad, their intertwined destinies had merged again and again until they could no longer be separate. Reality resided in the space between their lips, electrified, thriving in the heat of their shared breath. They looked at each other and suddenly, as before, everything became clear.

“Ben.”

“Yes, Rey?”

She gulped down all the fear she’d felt before, feeling it dissolve into nothing inside her. “I will never leave you again. I promise.” Her soul let out a sigh of relief, as though it had been waiting her entire life for her to say those words. Her heart had fixed itself to that promise, without regret or doubt, leaving nothing but certainty and... _ balance _ .

Tears came again to Ben’s eyes; they did not fall, but instead stood still, waiting. With ease, he reached through the bond to her soul, calling to her as he had before, as he’d always done. There had always been something inside of him that longed to hear her say those words, even when he’d begged her to be his student, so long ago. There was nothing but love in her eyes. A strange new feeling of completion overcame them both.

Rey knew, deep down, that this was what the Force had truly intended for them all along. “I promise,” she whispered against his lips, holding his face in her hands like a treasure she could only dream of. She let the vow slip softly through her teeth, caressing his scars and touching his wounded heat. Her words spread over him like a balm over burnt flesh. “I promise,” she said again, closing the distance with a kiss of her own.

“Good night, Ben.”

She left him standing alone in the living room with a piece of herself latched to his soul. He could never be alone, not anymore. His resolve grew, taking root deep within him and stretching out past the limits of his body, as strong and alive as anything he’d ever felt before. Rey had left him with something rare and precious, and he intended to keep it safe for as long as he lived. He promised himself in that moment that, whatever it took, he would earn her full heart. Just as she already had his, in all its fragments and forms, he knew that it wouldn’t be long before he had hers.

_ A promise _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the song I was listening to for inspiration for the dance scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xx9gTEQaiQ
> 
> It's finally here!! Thank you so, so much loves for supporting me through this process and for leaving such wonderful comments below, I promise you they really do help. Stick around because there's a lot more where this came from and this story is only just beginning😁


	9. Dreams and Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'What do you think?'  
> Ben held her hand in his, transferring his thoughts to her through the bond. 'You know what I think,' he said, grinning.  
> Rey smiled knowingly back at him. 'You feel it stronger than ever before. This planet changes something.' She glanced out the window as the sun’s rays spilled over the treetops. Ben followed her gaze. 'It could change everything.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have one on me in these trying times. Enjoy my loves, and please don't forget to comment and/or leave kudos (even if you already have😄).
> 
> Peace, Love, and Reylo💜

That night, they both had the same dream.

_ It was night, and they were running together through the forest. The only light came from the bright stars and the full moon. Shadows danced among the trees all around them. They didn’t know where they were going, yet they knew the way. A luminous path appeared before them, leading them through the dark to the stones. They were vibrating with a low hum of energy, calling out to them, pulling them near. Only when they arrived at the foot of the stones, reaching up towards Laris’ moon wreathed in stars in the clear sky above, did they awaken from the dream. _

No residual fear accompanied their waking, yet they didn’t feel altogether peaceful either. The muted afterglow of adrenaline pulsed through their veins. They both felt as though they’d just been running; Rey’s chest was tight as a clenched fish, her breaths shallow and short.

The rapid beat of exhilaration had only begun to subside when, after failing to fall back asleep, Ben rolled out of bed, pulled on a shirt, and shuffled outside the bunker into the frozen, crystal clear night. He didn’t want to wake Rey, and he didn’t bother to put on his boots, so the shock of the frosted grass beneath his bare feet nearly brought him to his knees. But he was even more surprised to find that Rey was already up. Squinting into the darkness, he could just barely make out a lone figure standing several feet away from the bunker.

Rey observed the empty space between the jagged outline of the mountains and the midnight sky. Motionlessly attuned to the night around her, on the cusp of its daily ritual of silent transformation, she wrapped her arms around herself, more for stability than comfort. She shifted when she sensed Ben walking up behind her, the sound of his feet muffled by the early morning frost. He knew before he asked the reason why she was awake too.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked. Looking down, he saw that her feet were also bare.

“Cold,” she said. Even though she didn’t appear to be shivering, Ben felt a twinge of guilt at not having brought a jacket.

Putting his arms gently around her so as not to startle her, he whispered, “Do you want to go back inside?”

Rey didn’t move. “It’s going to rain.”

“Is it?”

She sniffed, as though the air might tell her secrets. “I can feel it.” She said this so matter-of-factly that Ben didn’t question her. He found that when he pushed his senses into the air around them, he could almost hear the clouds coalescing not far off; the static sound of water droplets condensing, prickling in his ears, light fingers of electricity running through his hair.

“Oh,” he said softly, “I feel it too. Big one.”

Rey hummed in agreement. The hairs on the back of her neck settled as she leaned into his warm embrace. Turning to look at him, her face captured the moonlight, glowing brighter when her eyes met his.

In that moment, Ben felt like she was truly part of him. She possessed him, pulling him into her, filling him with a need for her to take him whole, all at once.

“The Force is connecting us in dreams now,” he mused, looking up into the deep, navy sky where stars flickered like candle flames.

“Like it used to. When we were children. Before you…” Rey hesitated to relive the chilling memory of her heart being ripped in half, which she now knew was the moment that Ben Solo truly became Kylo Ren. “Remember?”

“I do now.”

Rey smiled. “You’ve always been part of my dreams.” Her mouth went dry at that moment, longing for the taste of his again. She quickly swallowed the thought back.

Ben looked longingly at her again. “As you were part of mine.”

The shadow of a thought flicked across her eyes. “You saw everything I saw, felt everything I felt.”

Ben nodded, remembering the cool night air hitting his face, the exhilaration, the adrenaline.

“You know what this means, don’t you Ben?”

“Something the Force wants us both to see,” he said. A cool breeze whistled against his cheeks, a harbinger of what was to come.

“Or something we’ve already seen that the Force wants us to return to.”

Ben swallowed his doubt. “I agree.” He attempted to calm his churning stomach. Something was itching deep inside him, aching for discovery.

“Tonight?” she said, stars dazzling her eyes like sparks of fire.

“Tonight.”

Rey held out her hand. Ben took it, and felt that his own hand had truly found its rightful place, at home in the shelter of her tender grasp.

* * *

The forest received them as they entered its verdant foliage together. The moment they stepped over the threshold, the rest of the world ceased to exist. All that was left were the trees, reaching up with dancing branches to stir the infinite stars in the sky; and the two of them, barefoot and uncertain, but unafraid. Rey squeezed Ben’s hand, a small reminder that no, they weren’t still dreaming. The damp cool of the forest floor numbed the soles of their feet. They stood perfectly still for a moment, barely shivering, though the chill of the retreating night still lingered in the air, appearing before them in each exhale of breath like silver ghosts in the moonlight. Rey felt nothing in that moment but the fierce certainty of Ben’s hand in hers, warming her to the bone. They both took a deep breath, then began to walk towards their destination.

The trees gathered around them like silent spectators, ancient guardians whose roots held the ground tightly beneath their feet, whispering their secret knowings to one another as light breezes rustled their leaves. The further they went, the more the forest consumed them. The solemnity of the woods mixed with the fragrance of the wet soil unlocked every step they took until they finally stood at the base of the stones. In the darkness, they towered over them, glowing in the slowly-fading starlight.

The two hastened to climb it, instinctively finding the most stable rocks and using them to pull themselves up to the highest point. Once they reached the top, they stood up together, feeling as though they had climbed miles away from the forest floor instead of only a few feet. The canopy opened up above their heads, the multitude of stars pouring into their eyes, and all time stopped.

“Here we are again,” said Ben, his voice echoing off the walls of an invisible dome of silence that had fallen around them.

“It feels... _ different _ , somehow,” Rey said.

Ben acknowledged her with a slight nod. The change was as tangible as the difference between night and day. Yet something familiar stirred beneath the ground, snaking up through the rocks and into their feet. The moon shone brighter than the sun, and they could see everything around them in the sharpest detail. Shadows leaked from cracks and crevasses. The hairs on their arms and the back of their necks shot straight up, and they could feel every particle of air around them. The steady ebb of their connection danced like an ocean between them. Glowing streams of energy came together and parted wherever they moved. The storm that was yet to come had crept much closer, electricity growing in the air.

“Rey,” Ben whispered, “Listen.”

Her ears perked up, and she listened to the deafening static of nothing. All the sounds of the forest had been switched off, leaving only the sound of their breathing and their hearts beating in sync.

Then, as before, came the low throbbing at the base of Rey’s skull, dripping down her spine and spreading like lightning to her fingers and toes in rivers of silver light. It seemed to be flowing from the moon, pouring into their veins and spilling out onto the ground. Everything seemed to slow down in that small space, while the rest of the world spun on its own around them. The Force, in its purest form, reached deep inside them, to the marrow of their bones, quaking through their bodies like thunder. But this time, it felt much more personal, as though the Force were transferring something of itself to them, giving them a special gift; a blessing, or a curse. Or both. It ignited their bond, traveling back and forth at the speed of light until Rey felt as though she could reach out and feel it pulsing in the space between them.

The feeling of weightlessness began to take over again, but neither of them fought it this time, instead letting the Force itself hold them in place. The balance of the Force shattered through them, breaking and binding them, tethering them fast to the ground.

It all ended in an instant, returning them to their previous state as though nothing had happened. But something had shifted radically inside them both, telling them that it wasn’t truly gone. A new life force had been deposited within them, something alive and breathing entirely separate from them, yet residing within their own shared Force body. They had become hosts to this new presence, the presence of the Force.

* * *

“How do you feel?” Ben asked.

“Glad to be out of the cold,” said Rey, pulling the woolen blanket tighter around her shoulders. After their second encounter with the stones, they had spent an hour strolling through the trees, remaining near the edge of the clearing so as not to get lost in the dark. The morning came slowly, the world around them taking its own time to awaken, as though it wanted to show off every shade of its changing colors. The early morning mist had gotten thicker, clinging to their bare faces and saturating their clothes; they were both shivering violently by the time they returned to the bunker. The sun was slipping over the mountains, spilling its fresh light over the muted, waking world.

Since they’d gotten back from the stones, every sound of the forest had been amplified, and it was all Rey could do not to press her hands against her ears to muffle the cacophony.

“Me too,” Ben replied, vigorously rubbing her frozen palms between his. She was still shaking despite the welcoming fire he’d built. Their shoes were placed side by side in front of the blaze, thoroughly soaked; Ben’s feel were red and raw, his cheeks uncharacteristically rosy. Rey wanted to laugh, but she was far too shaken from their rendezvous with the mysterious stones.

Meanwhile, the morning light crept further over the treetops outside, piercing the dewy air, and all around them the planet began to settle into its own daytime routines.

Ben desperately wished he could think of something to say that would make her laugh. Despite the warmth of her presence, the light that shone from her smile, his mind was steeped in things too dark to comprehend. Her voice was the only thing keeping him from sinking further.

Rey also wanted to say something that would lift his spirits, but she was just as dragged down by exhaustion as he. All she had the strength to do was let her fingertips dance over his palms, thoughtlessly tracing the concentric circles and rough-hewn details, lines she could spend a lifetime memorizing. She smiled, remembering how warm and tender his hand had been that night on Ahch-To. Gradually, her hands wandered over his arms and chest, soaking up his heat, cocooning herself in the energy of their bond.

“We have to try to understand what’s going on here,” she said at last, lowering her hands to rest of his thighs, unconscious of his face turning a much deeper shade of pink. Her eyes flickered closed, and she waited, listening.

“I think we already do.” The worn-out look in Ben’s eyes had morphed into one of genuine curiosity. He was slightly distracted by the nearness of her lips to his face.

Rey opened her eyes. “How do you mean?” she said, studying him intently. He seemed softer now, as though a cool wave had swept over him. Her own muscles had begun to loosen, easing into the flame-like warmth of their connection.

Ben searched for the right words. His face looked stern, contemplative, the kind of face Rey would happily sketch if she had the energy to do so. “From the moment we arrived,” he said, “we both felt something was different about this place.”

“Yes,” Rey said, remembering the feeling of stepping into another realm, a whole other dimension of being, akin to the way she felt in the mirror cave on Ahch-To. The planet had drawn them in and surrounded them with a force much stronger than gravity. “I’d assumed it was because the Force is especially strong here.”

“Oh, there’s no doubt about that,” said Ben. “But it’s vastly different from any planet I’ve ever been to. It’s like the Force is woven into Laris’ foundations, its formation. There’s something odd about the way the Force  _ moves _ here. It’s like…”

“It’s part of the planet,” Rey finished his thought. “The Force is almost... _ physical _ here. It seems to move  _ with _ the planet, not just  _ through _ it. It’s more tangible, I think.”

“At least as tangible as an all-encompassing energy field can be.”

Rey chuckled pensively. “Right.” Her eyes came alive with curiosity, and Ben found himself transfixed by them; he couldn’t look away. “You’ve seen more worlds than I have,” she said, looking at him. “What do you think?”

Ben held her hand in his, transferring his thoughts to her through the bond. “You know what I think,” he said, grinning.

Rey smiled knowingly back at him. “You feel it stronger than ever before. This planet changes something.” She glanced out the window as the sun’s rays spilled over the treetops. Ben followed her gaze. “It could change everything.”

* * *

Their eyes glazed over, tasting the thick, wild undergrowth standing silent and still at the edge of the clearing, waiting for them to enter into its arms again. The sun filled the bunker with warmth now that it had fully risen above the trees. Thunder clapped triumphantly overhead, and a thick veil of rain began to fall outside.

Rey stood, shedding her blanket, and walked outside without a word or a jacket. From the living room window, Ben watched as she crossed to the center of the clearing. The skin on her bare arms began to glow, sun-soaked and wet with the intensifying rain. Her hair spread out over her shoulders in long, wavy tendrils, and her clothes clung to her body like an extra layer of skin, out of place and longing to be discarded to allow the true skin to breathe free.

She stood still for a moment, letting it wash over her, coating her in the shimmering saliva of the clouds above. Then, slowly, she raised her arms in an expression of pure, unadulterated praise, unmistakable even from Ben’s vantage point. She began to spin around, drops of water flinging from her elegantly outstretched fingertips, in a dizzying dance of childlike worship and effervescent bliss. Ben lost count of how many times she’d spun, surrendering his focus to the breathtaking beauty of a woman united with her element. She was the absolute center of the galaxy, radiating a brilliant light that only he could see. His eyes drank up that light until his untamable desire, as much madness as clarity, overflowed. He was at once bewitched and released by the shimmering revelation of Rey’s beauty in the rain, remaining completely still while he watched her dance.

After what seemed like an eternity, spun into Rey’s dance of salvation like a silver chain of endless moments, she stopped and looked to him. Even from a distance, her eyes pierced his heart, stirred his soul, cut through his bones, transfixed his mind. She was breathing deeply, her lean body filling up with air saturated with rain and sunlight. He could feel her longing in that moment; she spoke to him through their bond, wordlessly, yet louder than if she’d used her voice.

_ Come outside, Ben _ , she pleaded, not with desperation but with hope.  _ Join me _ .

But Ben stood his ground, even though the breathless whisper that rang through his mind could have grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him to the door if he’d let it. But he didn’t, and Rey understood why; it was something he didn’t like to think about, something he didn’t want to feel. He feared it would crush him if he let his guard down, even now. He couldn’t explain to her what was hindering his willingness to comply with her wish, filling him with guilt for not being strong enough to come to her. Though she longed to know the truth, she didn’t pry. Somewhere deep inside of her, she could feel his reasons even before he himself knew what they were.

_ It’s alright _ , she murmured, holding back furious tears. The bond vibrated with the words from her heart.  _ Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be waiting _ . Her sympathetic smile teased his long-buried tears, caressing them from their hiding place in his heart. He trembled from the effort to keep them concealed, and Rey could feel it just as deeply.

_ Forgive me _ , he said with more desperation than hope. It was the hopelessness in his voice that struck her the hardest. The rain falling fast around her masked the tears that spilled down her face.

Silent breaths carried her answer to him.  _ There’s nothing to forgive _ . She gazed deeper into his eyes than ever before, wreathed by the tint of amber illuminated in the sunlight that painted his face golden.  _ Not anymore _ .


	10. Days of Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is how you fix a broken thing. You find it. You hold onto it. And then, you wait."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a wild ride to write. I'm including trigger warnings here:
> 
> \- references to depression/anxiety
> 
> \- references to self harm
> 
> \- references to neglect/abuse
> 
> Please take care of yourselves my loves and enjoy this chapter. I love you.

It rained the whole day and well into the night, as though the sky had been holding it all in for ages and could contain it no longer. The clouds trembled with uneasy thunder, at times soothing, at others raging. Rey would have liked nothing more than to run out into it again, looking up every few minutes to gaze longingly out the window. At first she tried to hide it from Ben, but after a while she’d forgotten why she thought he’d mind in the first place. Even if she hadn’t, it wasn’t like she could hide anything from him; their bond flowed open and easy between them, and neither of them had any desire to close it again.

For his part, Ben Solo found that, like everything else about her, he cherished and adored this rare childish side in her. Rey could be wild and passionate about most things, but there were times when she let her hidden tenderness slip through. It always felt like a light brush of sweet springtime air, both calming and cleansing. He’d never known anyone else besides himself who had the kind of untamable power that she had. It seemed to come from nowhere, just like her; no special bloodline or ancient fluke in the Force. Instead, it was all her, all that power contained within herself. Rey Nobody from Nowhere; and yet her strength was more palpable than anything he’d ever felt. He knew that their bond had something to do with it as well, but even then, it was not only something they shared, but also something that each had in and of themselves. That was the whole point of the dyad, he supposed: one energy flowing through two individuals. It was strange to think about, although he was beginning to get used to the idea. After all, nothing like this had happened in thousands, maybe even millions of years. It was something that no force in the galaxy could ever take away, not Snoke or even Palpatine.

They spent most of their time indoors attempting to make the bunker feel less like a prison and more like a place they could conceivably call home for the next five years. On more than one occasion they’d butt heads over the most mundane things, such as the positioning of the furniture, or the color that a particular wall should be if only they had paint.

“We sound like my parents,” Ben remarked. He was stretching out his back after maneuvering the sofa for the millionth time.

Rey had attempted to stuff her greasy hair into a bun, but after an hour it was already sticking out at all angles, making her look more like an insane housewife than the erstwhile Jedi of the Resistance. She couldn’t keep from smiling at Ben’s offhanded observation.

“Did they  _ ever _ stop fighting?” she asked, rubbing the light sweat from her forehead.

Ben laughed, but it was empty and forced. “They did when I was in the room. Although sometimes even I wasn’t enough to keep them at bay.”

Rey could sense the tension and growing distress inside him. He valiantly tried to keep them below the surface, but there were far too many things that needed to be said, whether he wanted to or not. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

Ben shook his head. She could see in his eyes that he knew.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want…”

“No,” Ben placed his hand over hers to quiet her, simultaneously transferring his thoughts to her.  _ I need to. _

Rey nodded in understanding. Ben sat down on the sofa, breathing deeply, attempting to steady himself. “Sometimes,” he continued, “they didn’t even notice when I was upset, couldn’t hear me crying when they…” He was hunched over, shaking fingers combing through his hair. Rey could feel the weight beginning to press down over him, just as it had when he asked her to join him, every time. “Even when it was about me, it felt like I was miles away from them. I knew they both wanted to protect me, especially my mother. Han wouldn’t’ve... _ Dad _ wouldn’t have admitted it, but he really didn’t know what to do with me.”

Ben’s throat tightened. Rey sat next to him, lacing her fingers in with his.  _ It’s okay _ , she said through the bond.

“I was a homewrecker. I was too afraid to hurt myself, and I just wanted to get their attention  _ somehow _ .”

“I know.” Rey rested her forehead on his shoulder, sharing her warmth with him. Silence fell around them, and she wrapped her essence around him like a blanket.

Ben breathed deeply, forcing back a siege of old tears. “You see,” he spoke through ragged breath, “they never told me…”

“About your grandfather. Anakin.”  _ Vader _ was the thought that went unsaid.

He nodded, his thick dark eyebrows gathering like the storm clouds outside. Rey could feel his pain pooling at the bottom of his empty stomach. She slid herself closer to him. Their knees touched and his heartbeat echoed through her body. Meanwhile, Ben inclined his forehead so that it leaned softly against the top of her head. She was so warm, he thought.  _ So warm. _ “They never told me that I was always destined for darkness. That it would always be my fate.”

“They couldn’t have known,” Rey whispered.

Ben’s shoulders tensed. “But they  _ feared _ it. I could see it in their eyes, every time... _ every time _ …”

Rey nuzzled her head against his shoulder, squeezing his hand tighter as she pressed herself closer to him.

“And that  _ voice _ .” Ben’s voice had grown deeper with anger. Rey felt it, closing her eyes, listening. She didn’t move. “ _ Every _ voice in my head, telling me things, whispering in my ear while I slept. Saying that I was worth less than nothing to them. That even if they wanted me, I would only make things worse for them.  _ My _ fault. Everything was…”

The little scars on his hand burned against her palm, fire fueled by memory. The searing, blade-like pain brought her to tears, but she held fast, not daring to let him go. “One night,” he spoke softly, fearfully, “they told me to…” He was fighting hard against the rapids of his past, flooding his chest and his veins with pain. When he breathed his breaths came out shaking and short. Rey put her hand over his chest, holding his heart.  _ It’s okay _ , she whispered in his mind,  _ You can tell me. I’m here. _

Roughly swallowing back more tears, he said, “They told me to go to the kitchen and...take one of the knives. I couldn’t stop myself. I tried, but I couldn’t. Something took control of me and I couldn’t stop. I was scared, but...I just wanted it to  _ stop _ .”

Rey’s head was spinning. She had to try and bring some clarity to his clouded thoughts. Lightning flashed outside, thunder rumbling in her guts. “The voice,” she said, “It was him, wasn’t it? Palpatine.”

Ben nodded, squeezing his eyes shut.

For an instant, she could see his memories in her mind just as clearly as if they were her own. It only took an instant for her to understand. “He told you that you didn’t deserve their love, that you were only deserving of pain. He was lying to you from the beginning.”

Ben looked at her with fierce eyes. “You think he was  _ lying _ ?”

“I know he was lying, Ben.”

“How can you believe, after everything I’ve done, that I don’t deserve this?” His jaw was clenched tight, rage spreading over his face like wildfire. He was spiraling out of control fast.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” Rey said, keeping her voice calm despite her growing unease. “Please believe me, Ben.  _ Please _ . I know you’re angry.”

Tears were already beginning to roll down his cheeks. Rey reached up to wipe them away, stroking his cheek and making sure his eyes stayed fused with hers. The rage and pain inside him fought like two armies locked in fierce battle, neither gaining the upper hand.

“After everything he did to your family, to  _ you _ ,” she said, running her thumb over his trembling skin, “the only pain you deserve is the pain that comes from healing. And the only death you deserve is that of the monster he forced you to become. You, more than anyone in this whole galaxy, deserve to  _ live _ .”

His eyes flicked back and forth between hers, trying to find his way through the chaos in his mind. The fire of his anger was spreading too quickly to contain. His heart beat faster, his breaths shallow and rough. Afraid he might hurt her, he pulled away, but Rey was strong, and she held him in place with everything she had.

“Listen to me, Ben Solo,” she said, “He’s dead. The emperor is  _ dead _ . We destroyed him  _ together _ , remember? Every single piece of him is gone. He can’t hurt you or anyone else ever again.”

“So is my father,” he said, barely above a whisper. He tried to shrug out of Rey’s grasp, but no matter how he twisted himself, she wouldn’t let go. Her hand tightened around his. Her thumb brushed over the edges of his lips, almost daring enough to touch them. Something about her forced him to be still, something far deeper than her physical strength, though his heart kept pounding in his chest. He was tethered to her, and she would not soon release him.

“Yes,” she said, her voice becoming more stern, “and there are places that neither of us can ever return to. But people, especially the ones you love, don’t really leave, and no one is gone forever.” Rey’s eyes swept through him. “Han couldn’t know the true nature of your pain. But he  _ loved _ you, Ben, with all his heart. I  _ felt _ it. You have his heart and your mother’s love, and they live on inside you.”

Ben shook his head, bitterness and regret coming off him in waves that threatened to overwhelm her. But she held firm, determined to help him dig himself out of the hole he’d fallen into.

“I let him down,” he said, his voice shaking like a child’s. “I let them all down. My father, my uncle, my mother…”

“No.”

His eyes were frantic and lost. “I should’ve gone with him,” he said, “He should’ve walked away. I should’ve saved him!”

“No!” Placing her hands on either side of his face, she pulled him closer so that he couldn’t look away. “He should’ve saved you. He should’ve been there for  _ you _ . It wasn’t your fault.” She spoke slowly and forcefully, impressing each word upon him. “None of this was your fault!”

In spite of herself, Rey was almost impressed by how well he could have hidden his true feelings from anyone else. For her, they were as clear as the tears he was still furiously fighting back.

“My mother…” Rey pressed her fingers to his lips, cutting him off.

“Leia isn’t dead,” she said, opening herself to him even further, taking in his pain like poison from a wound. “Your mother is alive.”

“Yes,” he replied, “but for how much longer?”

Rey opened her mouth, but no words came out. It crushed her to the bone when he said it, and for a moment she felt as though she might crumble into dust. Somehow, it had never occurred to her just how near Leia was to the end of her own life.

“What are you saying?” she barely managed to whisper.

Ben took several deep breaths to keep the pain from consuming him. “I nearly killed her, Rey. That’s what I’m saying.”

At first, she looked stunned, and Ben instantly felt guilty for having spoken so harshly. But then her eyes filled with understanding, a knowing, selfless gaze that he could never have anticipated. And there it was: the tenderness, flowing from her fingertips, pouring over him like soft rain. Then she said something he didn’t expect. “I know, Ben.”

Ben blinked in surprise. “You do?”

She nodded, even as tears gathered in her own eyes. She’d heard about General Organa’s miraculous survival when TIE fighters fired on the command bridge of the  _ Raddus _ during the Resistance’s flight from the First Order, killing everyone but her. Somehow, she’d been able to pull herself from the vacuum of space to safety, though she was near death when she was rescued. Everyone in the Resistance knew the story. But it was Leia who told Rey the truth. She’d sensed her son. In her mind, she saw his face, felt his heartbeat inside her own body. She told Rey how she used the link between them to beg him one last time to return, to come home. She’d sensed his finger hovering over the trigger as though it were a flame. And she told her how she sensed him withdraw, unable to fulfill his master’s wishes even in the heat of battle. She knew that he couldn’t bring himself to do it, despite Snoke’s rage ringing through his mind. Ben had tried to convince her that this was who he was, who he had become, and that there was nothing she could do. But even then, she felt the pain in his voice, mirroring her own pain. She saw his memories, his fear, and, most vividly, his own parents’ fear of  _ him _ . Afterwards, Leia told Rey everything.

Ben looked taken aback. “How did you…”

“Leia,” Rey said. Her smile grew as realization dawned on his face.

“Of course.”

Rey didn’t know it, but her face had begun to glow pink. Outside, the rain fell much softer. “You feel like you’ve lost everything,” she said, stroking his chin absentmindedly, “your father, the First Order, Snoke…”

“My knights,” Ben said, finally breaking from her grasp and rising from the sofa. He seemed much taller than she remembered, or maybe it was only because she was sitting down. “They were the only ones who would’ve followed me into Hell itself if I’d commanded it.” His hands folded into fists at his sides, his anger rising up inside of him again. “They were the only ones, besides Snoke, who knew who I was, where I’d come from, what I’d done. I destroyed them.”

“And now you have me,” Rey said, standing to meet him at his full, intimidating height. “And your mother. The Knights of Ren weren’t the only ones who would follow you anywhere, Ben Solo. They didn’t really know you. And they couldn’t have loved you like she does.” She hesitated before continuing. “Like I do.”

But he was deafened by the rage screaming in his head, and her words were too soft for him to hear. “I could’ve killed her,” he said, his deep voice trembling menacingly.

“You didn’t,” she said pointedly.

Ben looked at her with eyes that threatened to carve away her resolve. “I might as well have.” His voice was so cold now, and a shiver of rage passed through Rey’s body. She tried to make herself taller, staring him down defiantly. “My arrogance and cowardice have been killing her for twenty years.”

“Your fear and your pain have been blinding you to the  _ truth _ !”

Ben moved closer, looming over her, but she refused to give way. Her eyes held his like it was all they knew how to do. “I destroyed everything she loved,” he said, fury and guilt diluting his voice, “including Han Solo. And with every bit of innocence I snuffed out,” he thrust his hand to the side, as though pointing to a room filled with the ghosts of those he’d killed, “I felt her slipping further and further away from me.”

Hot tears bled from her eyes. “You weren’t the one who destroyed her home planet, killed her friends, and tortured her husband. Leia is a lot tougher than you give her credit for.” Rey looked up at him with as much fire in her gaze as he felt in his heart. “And your self-deprecation is getting on my last nerve.”

They stood only inches apart now. Ben regarded her for a moment before he spoke again. Her eyes were wide and furious, her hips leaning dangerously towards his. “I know she gave up on me, Rey. I felt it. Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

Rey laughed out loud at this. “Do  _ you _ have any idea who the hell you’re talking to? Or have you forgotten that my own parents threw me away like trash?”

Ben swallowed as guilt pierced his heart once again. He knew he’d gone too far.

“This isn’t you!” Rey said. “All these things you’re saying, things you would never say to me in a million years if you were in your right mind...they’re  _ lies _ , Ben. All the lies that Palpatine told you, that he made you believe.”

Tears had begun to stream down his face again. “I heard her cursing my name, the name of someone who was no longer her son. The name of the monster I’d become.”

“Dammit, Ben Solo!” Shaking with anger, Rey pushed herself to her full height. She still only came up to his nose, but she seemed to tower over him nonetheless. She wasn’t angry at him, but at the foul stench of the memory of Kylo Ren. “You,” she spat into his face, “are  _ not _ a monster.” Her voice had grown deep and hard, trembling with unbreakable resolve. A storm like no other surged within her. “Yes, in a moment of weakness, of helplessness, your mother let herself succumb to doubt. She’d lost all hope, and she thought she lost you. All she could feel was your rage and her own pain. I saw it in her  _ every day _ . It lingered in her body every time she woke up and had to face another day without her son.” Her tears were powerful, raging like the rain outside the bunker. “Leia loves you beyond understanding, more than anyone could ever know. She loved you so much it hurt her to even speak your name. All those times you thought she was cursing you, it was only because you felt her pain, reaching across the galaxy. She was mourning you. Her hope was slipping away, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t keep it from dwindling. But  _ you _ did.”

Rey reached up to touch his face again. He didn’t draw back.

“Everyone thought she was living for the Resistance, but she was living for  _ you _ , waiting for the day when you’d come back to her and never leave again. You kept her alive, Ben. Do you understand? Your mother is alive  _ because _ of you, not in spite of you. You inspired her to fight for what she loved from the moment she first felt you in her womb. Now her heart is so much stronger than it was. Don’t you see, Ben? You are her world. You mean  _ everything _ to her. And…”

“What?”

Rey’s eyes glistened with the reflection of the falling rain. “You should know this by now. But you’re everything to me too.” The stunned look on his face told her that she’d finally gotten through to him. His rage crumbled inside of him and the fury drained from his face. For a moment she thought he might keel over, and she grasped his arms, pouring strength back into his body. Her eyes wavered desperately over his face, searching for the man she knew he was still trying to hide. The rain stopped, and silence wrapped itself around them, quivering with the unevenness of their breathing.

Then, without thinking, she pulled his lips to hers. The kiss was soft, nothing like the intoxicated one they’d shared the night before. His mouth was tender against hers, wanting, and as he gathered her into his arms, she found herself wanting more than anything to be with him. She felt his weakness leaving his body, even as her knees began to knock against each other.

Rey poured all her love into the kiss, into him. When he’d revived enough to return it in kind, it was like nothing she’d ever felt before; somewhere between a light caress and a fathomless touch. Ben held her tightly to him, dispelling all of her pent up frustration. He crushed it, and it died in her stomach before she could breathe life into it.

Latent passion rose within them both like a flame. The kiss was kind, daring, and brave, nothing more or less than what it was: everything Rey had ever wanted but never knew she needed until that moment. She could taste how desperately he wanted her as his lips folded over and under hers, nipping at her bottom lip until it felt raw and chastened.

When they finally parted, gasping for breath, they looked at each other. The static in the air around them had dissipated. Eyes wide and cooled by desire, their fight won, they sensed that the war between them was over. For good this time. The sun shone through the raindrops on the window, reflecting on Rey’s face, replacing her dried tears.

Ben sighed. “Rey, I…”

She swiftly cut him off. “I swear, Ben Solo, if you say you’re sorry one more time, I  _ will _ stab you.”

He laughed, the light returning to his eyes. Pressing his forehead to hers, he whispered softly, “Forgive me.”

“I told you before,” Rey said, looking up into his eyes with a smile, “there’s nothing to forgive.”

“I shouldn’t have said…”

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

Ben looked at her. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

“Oh, I have a few things in mind,” Rey said, lacing her fingers through his thick, black hair. “First of all, you can make me lunch. I’m starving.”

Ben’s lips curled into a smile. “As you wish.”

“Then,” she continued, “you can finish moving the furniture while I take a shower. And while you’re at it, please do us both a favor and try not to talk.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve given me a kriffing headache, you idiot.” Her gaze was playful, lips dancing promisingly against his. “I swear, if you weren’t the other half of my soul and we weren’t stuck together in exile, I’d be well within my rights to leave you here to wallow in your self-pity.”

“You’re still within your rights.”

“No chance, Solo,” Rey said. “I made a promise, to you, to the Force, and to myself, that I would never leave you again, and I mean to keep it. I don’t care what you say, you’re not getting rid of me.”

“You think I’d ever want to?” Ben said, lazily lacing their fingers together.

“Just shut up and make me lunch you half-brained Naberrine wildebeest.”

After planting a kiss on his cheek, she shimmied from his grasp and walked outside, leaving him once again rooted to the floor and feeling like his entire body had ceased to function. When he finally snapped out of it, he charged into the kitchen and got to work preparing their food.

* * *

They didn’t speak as they sat at the cold, metal kitchen table, munching the stewed veal that Ben had made. For all the mouth-watering seasoning he’d coated their meal with, every flavor was dry in Ben’s mouth. He’d made so many mistakes, but the greatest one was letting his anger corrupt his connection with Rey. He never should have raised his voice to her, belittled her like that, even for one moment of blindness that he felt like he couldn’t control. Even if she ever came to forgive him, he knew that he wouldn’t. It was something that couldn’t be erased by a kiss, even one as tender as the one they had just shared.

At first, Rey wanted to forget the kiss, but the more she tried, the more it seared itself into her memory, as tangible and unbreakable as their bond. It couldn’t be washed away, she knew. And for the first time, she didn’t feel ashamed of wanting more.

With each passing day, Ben learned how to heal himself. He apologized to Rey in every way that he could without saying he was sorry; he knew she didn’t want to hear it, and he realized that he was sick of feeling it. As the skies became grayer and the days grew shorter, gradually, they healed, and the balance between them was restored. Rey knew that it wouldn’t always be like this. She also knew that he would never doubt her again. As they continued to talk, he opened up to her about his past, moving further and further beyond the darkness each time, mending his own hidden wounds with the light that had been stolen from him.

Rey knew that one day he would learn to forgive himself. Change simmered in the air, and as they grew closer to each other, their bond grew stronger. Something shifted in the spaces between them, impatient and eager to be let loose.

_ Soon _ , she thought, looking to the coming days with more hope than ever before.  _ Soon. _

* * *

_ He’d come to her in the night, a sprinkle of distant words falling over her eyes, lulling her into a place much deeper and darker than sleep; a voice that whispered beneath every layer of herself that she’d grown throughout her life. _

_ He’d come to her, moving through their bond like a mist of shadows pierced by shafts of light, sometimes firm and fierce like a lion, other times crawling and wounded. She wouldn’t let him in unless he promised her he’d forgive himself, unless he told her his story, again and again like it was their own ritual. _

_ They talked about things that wouldn’t have made sense to their waking selves, in languages that only their souls knew, at once drawing new blood and healing old scars. The secrets he revealed to her would have shattered him had he been forced to tell them to anyone else. In turn, she confided everything she felt to him. _

_ After Crait, he spent his days intoxicated, not by the darkness he surrounded himself with, but by the thoughts of those milling about so far beneath him he could have crushed them in an instant if he so wished. This wasn’t who he really was, he knew even then. This invasive hobby was all he had to distract himself from everything else, even though it always left him feeling more sick than satisfied. _

_ She felt angry all the time. Angry at him, angry at the Resistance, and, most of all, angry at herself. She didn’t want to feel the things she did, but the feelings came and she couldn’t stop them. They churned inside of her like a wild storm, flooding her mind in times of greatest weakness, his face she kept seeing everywhere she looked, his heart she could hear so clearly, it was as if it was beating inside her own chest. For nights on end, she couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t feel anything but anger and pain. The darkness was growing inside her, even as the light grew inside him. _

_ If he was honest with himself, which he rarely was, there was only one person in the whole galaxy who could make him feel at once strong enough to take on an army and weak enough to fall asleep while standing up. Her thoughts were the loudest, most potent of all, and they filled his mind and his body every day and every night since he last saw her. His unsteady heart beat so fast each time she unknowingly touched it that he feared it would burst, killing all of him. Whenever he felt weak enough to sleep, he clung to the fading image of the woman who, as far as he was concerned, was the last living light in his life. _

You haunted me,  _ she said. _

You never left,  _ he replied. _

_ This is how you fix a broken thing. You find it. You hold onto it. And then, you wait. _


	11. Connected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The residual heat from the kiss they had shared hadn’t even begun to dissipate. Nor would it, they both suspected. Even stronger than the pull they felt from the stones was the pull they felt towards each other. Amplified by their bond, something much deeper than mere physical attraction, although Rey hadn’t ruled that out as a factor either...Their relationship had always been something of a battlefield, scorched and charred, littered with shattered light and craters of shadow. But even from the beginning, in the darkest recesses of their bond, flowers grew from the scars they had cut into each other along the way. Whether predestined or purely accidental, war-torn or peaceful, their connection was and always would be a vital, thriving miracle, a work of art the Force had painted permanently into their lives."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting this one in to you guys kinda late, so apologies if my notes are a bit muddled. I just wanted to let you all know that you are my treasures and your comments and kudos mean the world to me. I hope you will keep reading and enjoying my little story for as long as I can keep it going. Peace, Love, and Reylo💜🦋

“I had a dream last night.” Rey was shuffling around the kitchen, preparing tea for them both. The soft morning light spilled in from the living room, sweet and pure. Birdsong dusted the dawn with unknown melodies, and the trees smelled fresh and springy, even as they prepared for the coming frosts of winter. “Do you want to hear about it?”

Ben smiled. “I already know what it was about. I had the same dream.”

“How…” She didn’t need to finish the question. She already knew, and she wasn’t surprised.

Ben sipped his tea with a precision not normally observed in the earliest hours of the day. “But I’d like to hear it from you. My dreams have always been a bit fuzzy.”

“I’m not sure my interpretation will be much better.” Rey set aside her mug and sat down next to him. She placed her hand on top of his, as though touching him might make her memories clearer. “Why does the Force allow us to share some dreams but not others? That’s a rhetorical question, by the way, you don’t have to answer.”

“Actually,” he put in, “I was going to say that the Force probably only allows us to share dreams that are important for both of us to see.”

She mused over this for several moments. The light pouring in from outside cast a halo around her face. Ben loved the way it went soft and firm whenever she was thinking about something.

These unknown workings of the Force, a power and an energy she still barely understood herself, were becoming more complex and mysterious all the time. The faint migraine that had been creeping into her head ever since the rain stopped wasn’t helping.

Ben frowned, sensing the slight twinge of pain at the back of her skull. “What’s wrong?”

Rey rubbed her temple. “I’m fine, just...exhausted.”

His brows furrowed. She knew that look all too well; he was worried. She didn’t like that, or maybe she simply wasn’t used to it. All the same, it didn’t feel right. “Don’t,” she said at last.

He silently vowed to do all the housework for the rest of the day.

After swallowing more tea, Rey said, “What do you remember?”

Exhaling slowly through his nose, Ben sifted through the fragments of images still left from the night before. “I only saw flickers, blurred colors and muffled sounds, but somehow I knew it was your dream spilling over into my mind. I’m afraid I can’t explain it any better than that.”

“Do you still want me to fill you in?” Rey asked, her golden eyes glowing.

Ben nodded, turning himself to face her. Rey smiled. Lacing her fingers with his, sensations she still had no name for tickled the bottom of her belly, like something waiting to be born. “It was incredibly vivid,” she began. “Even now, it feels like it was only moments ago. I can’t remember having had a dream like that since I was a child.” Goosebumps rose up along her arms. The feelings that had faded into the back of her mind were beginning to ease back into her body, surfacing on her skin. Ben could feel them as well. “I was lying at the bottom of the lake. There was this ball of light above, shining down through the water, which could have been the sun or the moon.”

Ben said nothing. His eyes wandered softly over her face, focusing on every movement of her mouth, every sound that her voice made, allowing his own memory of the dream to fill his mind. Rey continued, “I felt both weightless and weighted. Like I was floating through space, but still tied to the planet by a string. My entire body felt numb, and even if I’d had the strength to try, I wouldn’t have been able to pull myself up. Nor did I want to.”

“Anything is possible in dreams,” Ben said. He’d been running his thumb over her hand, a soothing touch. Rey looked down and smiled, noticing how small her hand was next to his.

“I don’t think I was dead, in the dream. I somehow felt fully alive, the same way that I felt when we first swam in the lake together. Do you remember how you felt?”

Ben’s face grew warm. It wasn’t something he would likely forget anytime soon; the memory of Rey, undressed and glowing in the sparkling water, guiding him deeper and deeper, pulling them both under, the two of them dancing together beneath the surface. Clearing his throat, he said, “I remember feeling wide awake.”

“That’s how it felt in my dream,” Rey said. “As though the water were opening up all of my senses. I could breathe. I could see everything around me with perfect clarity. As clear as I’m seeing you now.”

Ben watched the small movements of her intense eyes, memorizing their every subtle transformation. It had been a long time since eyes as beautiful as hers had seen him for who he really was, and for who he could be. He found himself once again fighting the urge to reach out and touch her face, painted soft by the early morning light. He ran his trembling fingers over her arm, easy and smooth despite the roughness of his skin.

She felt as though her stomach were filling with glowing butterflies, each one escaping from her body in short gasps of delight, of desire. At first he touched her tentatively, like he was afraid she might run off or bite him if he wasn’t careful. But Rey didn’t want him to be careful; she wanted him to be brave. Her eyes found his as she leaned into his touch, letting his hand wander slowly up her arm until it came to rest in the crook of her neck. There it stayed for many moments while unspoken words traveled between them.

“There was something else,” she said, barely above a whisper. “I wasn’t alone in the dream. There was someone with me at the bottom of the lake. Someone I could feel but couldn’t see.”

“Who?” Ben asked, as though he didn’t know, deep down.

“It was you,” Rey answered softly. “You were there with me. Our fingers were touching, like that night on Ahch-To. Somehow, I knew it was you.” She placed her hand on top of his again, and he savored the warmth that spread through him at her touch. “It was like...we were each other’s shadow.”

At last, Ben’s memory of the dream was becoming clear. His face deep and focused, he said, “I remember the feeling that my body was my own, but my senses, my breath, even my soul belonged to someone else.” His eyes changed as he looked at her, taking on a new light. Rey could see herself reflected in them.

“I had the same feeling,” she said. That didn’t surprise her either.

* * *

The remainder of that day was calm, but not all things within it had settled just yet. They both still felt that nagging pull coming from the forest, from the stones. At times the throbbing in Rey’s head was so powerful, all she could do was lie down and pull the covers over her head, shutting out any light. For Ben, the pain was not nearly as acute, but he still felt it, thanks in large part to their connection. There was a faint but definite tingling in his spine, like little shocks of electricity running up and down his body.

The residual heat from the kiss they had shared hadn’t even begun to dissipate. Nor would it, they both suspected. Even stronger than the pull they felt from the stones was the pull they felt towards each other. Amplified by their bond, something much deeper than mere physical attraction, although Rey hadn’t ruled that out as a factor either.

As she stood in the ‘fresher one morning, she muddled over these things, while the hot water stung her back and washed away the ache. Their relationship had always been something of a battlefield, scorched and charred, littered with shattered light and craters of shadow. But even from the beginning, in the darkest recesses of their bond, flowers grew from the scars they had cut into each other along the way. Whether predestined or purely accidental, war-torn or peaceful, their connection was and always would be a vital, thriving miracle, a work of art the Force had painted permanently into their lives.

* * *

Finn’s image flickered in the blue light of the hologram. He looked exhausted, but happy to see Rey, more or less the same way he’d looked when she saw him last.

“How are things in Paradise?” he asked with a smirk.

Rey grinned, pulling her blanket tighter around her. It was early, the sun was barely over the mountains, and she felt groggier than ever. She’d tied her hair into a messy bun and splashed her face with freezing water in an attempt to make herself look passably normal. “Things are...strange. A little awkward at times. But we’re managing. How about you guys, how are Rose and Poe doing?”

“Rose is good. She’s great, in fact.” Finn rubbed the back of his neck. “Poe’s not so good.”

Rey’s brows furrowed in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s just been under a lot of pressure. Ever since he took over for Leia, after you guys left, things haven’t been easy. He wouldn’t admit this, but he misses you. A lot more than he realizes.”

“Tell him I miss him too. I can’t wait to see you all again in a few weeks,” said Rey.

Finn smiled. “Me too.” Then his face changed as he looked her over. “You look...different.”

“I do?” Rey hastily adjusted her bun and rubbed the last bits of gook from her eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, “something’s definitely different about you. Did you change your hair?”

“Oh. Um,” she thought about what he could be referring to. “Well, I have been wearing it down a lot more. And we’ve been trying to keep ourselves busy. Ben has been doing most of the work around the house lately. He’s…” Rey wasn’t sure what she was about to say. Sweet? Charming? Endearingly awkward and surprisingly caring? Those weren’t traits that anyone would associate with the former Kylo Ren, and Finn would be the last person to understand. All she knew was that when she thought about him, about all the things he’d done for her since their last big blow out, her heart grew warm and her insides felt funny. She wouldn’t be telling Finn any of  _ that _ .

“What?” Finn asked.

“Nothing,” Rey said finally. “He’s doing better. We both are.”

“Oh.” He looked mildly confused. “Well, that’s...good.” He sighed, contemplating what to say next. “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”

Rey said, “Not really, I just...I miss you all so much.” She felt tears begin to rise in her throat and swallowed them back down.

“We miss you too.”

“Give Rose a big hug from me, alright?”

Finn smiled. “Will do.”

“And tell Poe to focus on what’s important.”

“You got it.”

“And tell Leia…” Rey paused, thinking of all the things she wanted to say to her. “Give her all our love. Ben misses her a lot, although he probably wouldn’t say that out loud.”

Finn’s jaw clenched ever so slightly. She could tell even from the holo that he still wasn’t used to thinking of Ben as a human being, as Leia’s son, not the monster Kylo Ren. It would take time, but he’d get there. “Sure thing,” he said. “Gotta take off now. Some rogue storm troopers have contacted us and they’re willing to help us take down the last remnants of the First Order. I’m sure I’ll have lots of stories to tell you when I see you again.”

Rey couldn’t feel the tear rolling down her cheek. She wished he would stay a little longer, tell her everything that had happened since she left. But she knew his call minutes were limited, and he must be busy enough as it is. After saying goodbye, she pressed the button to end the call, and Finn’s face vanished.

She covered her mouth to stifle her cries. She didn’t want to wake Ben. But he was already awake. When she felt his arms around her, she let out a heavy sigh of despair and relief. Pressing her face against his warm chest, she fell into his embrace, letting him hold her for as long as she needed him to.

* * *

That morning, they decided to go hunting. Although there wasn’t much to show for it, as many of the animals had already retreated to their cozy hiding places for hibernation, that wasn’t really why Rey wanted to get out of the bunker for a while. Ben too had been feeling extremely stifled in the musty metal box they called a home.

Rey stopped for a moment in the midst of the thick forest, breathing deeply the sweet smell of the trees and the mountains. Gentle breezes played with her hair, causing loose, brown strands to dance across her face. The trees that surrounded them seemed to carry on with their own private conversations, leafy whispers swept up by the breeze and dispersed over the canopies until they dissipated like mist in the heat of the sun.

“It’s beautiful here,” Ben said quietly beside her. Rey hummed in agreement. “You’re beautiful.”

Rey looked at him as if he’d said something insane. “I’m sorry?”

His face turned bright red, ears scalding hot underneath his hair. What he’d just said, no one had ever told her before in all her life. Not Poe, not Rose, not even Finn.  _ No one _ had ever told her she was beautiful before. Until now. It was the strangest thing, words she’d always thought about other people and things were now suddenly applied to her. She had no idea what to do with it, and Ben had no idea how to respond.

“It’s...I just...uh…”

“Stop that,” Rey said.

“Stop what?”

“Not saying things. Just...say it.”

A new breeze wove itself between them as they drew closer to one another. Their breaths and heartbeats aligned, and their bond became part of the living tapestry of transformations around them. Once again, they were truly alone in the universe.

His eyes had turned soft again, disarming as ever. Rey wasn’t sure what to do with herself at that moment.

Swallowing the last ounce of pride he had left, he said, “You are the most beautiful woman... _ person _ I’ve ever seen in real life.” Everything about this felt wrong. He shouldn’t be saying this now, something told him it was a mistake. But something else, softly begging for attention, had convinced him to let his guard down for a moment. He wasn’t sure  _ why _ he’d said it...except that it was the truth. She was, without a shadow of a doubt in his mind, the single most beautiful thing in his life. It felt unforgivably inappropriate, and yet, there it was.

Happiness fluttered through her heart, the kind of sweetness that is almost too perfect to be real. There it was again, that tingling feeling at the base of her spine, at the bottom of her empty stomach, chattering and echoing inside of her. The way that he made her feel… _ What do you want? _ she asked him through the bond. There came a rustling, a whisper through the trees. A deep knowing that resonated within them both. He moved closer to her, like before. She wondered why he wouldn’t just make the move, touch her,  _ take _ her. She realized she wanted him to, more than anything. She didn’t want to be frozen in place anymore. 

“Let’s go,” she said out loud, gathering her gear. She couldn’t think of anything else to say. His eyes were burrowing deep inside of her, unraveling her. She had to move before they burned her where she stood.

Something snapped in him. He quickly realized that it wasn’t anger or frustration, although he felt both of those things in abundance. No, it was something else. Something that Rey could feel as well. Her ears had popped and the hairs on her arms perked up. She felt as though she could see and hear everything around her for miles. It only took them a moment to realize they’d wandered dangerously close to the stones again, although Rey could’ve sworn they hadn’t been there before. As usual, they radiated a steady flow of energy, amplifying every sensation within them tenfold. The closer they got, the more they could see, hear, and feel. They were harmonizing with the stones, vibrating at the same frequency. Their bond hummed much louder than usual.

Ben looked at her and saw that she was panting like she’d just run a marathon. Sweat ran down her neck and her heart beat so hard he could feel it through her back when he put his hand there. She was hot to the touch. Rey’s entire body shivered as though she’d been swimming in ice-cold water, though she burned like she’d been struck by lightning. He was beginning to wonder if she’d contracted a violent disease when her legs gave out beneath her, and she crumbled to the ground. Ben flung everything aside to catch her before she fell. She was barely conscious, her body limp and slim in his arms, as though every ounce of strength had been sucked out of her. She was feeling fast, and her face, glowing with color only moments ago, had turned pale as death.

“Ben?” she spoke in a whisper that he could barely hear.

Fear sliced through him. Without a second thought, he took off running, cradling Rey in his arms. He ran so fast that she barely felt a thing, even though his feet pounded against the forest floor, vaulting over anything that lay in his path. He felt as though they both might expire if he didn’t get them out of the forest.

They reached the clearing in a matter of minutes. The second they got to the door to the bunker, Ben fell to his knees, still holding her tightly. He heaved like a dying animal, trying desperately to transfer some of his energy to her. But no matter what he did, her condition did not change. He couldn’t begin to understand what had happened to her in the forest, what the stones had done to her. Rey’s heartbeat had only increased since they left, and yet she looked as though she were dying. Ben Solo prayed to the Force, prayed for the strength to keep her awake, begging it not to take her from him again.

She’d been mumbling imperceptibly all the way home. He couldn’t understand what she was saying. He couldn’t focus on that right now; all he could think of was getting her to safety, out of range of those stones.

Everything had gone black inside Rey’s mind. Lights flashed before her eyes like laser blasts. She’d lost all control over her own body, and the knowledge of this scared her more than anything else. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t slow her breathing or steady her heartbeat. Everything around her was moving too fast and too slow at the same time. The feeling of being swept up in a vast, tumultuous ocean with no boat and no land in sight, only endlessness, a violent storm inside her body, running like lightning up and down her spine, spreading through her fingers and toes. Every now and then her muscles would spasm, eliciting a soft whimper from deep inside her throat, barely audible except to Ben, who held her close and wouldn’t let her go until it was all over, until she could feel herself again. The warmth of his body was the only thing that was real amongst the chaos flooding her mind, a tether she clung tightly to.

One moment everything blurred and spun around her. The next, everything became still and clear. As though it had never happened. As though it was all a dream. Her body ceased shivering, and color flooded back into her skin. Ben wiped away the tears that had begun to pool in his eyes, staring in amazement at her sudden recovery. When her eyes finally opened, he was shocked to see how different they looked. Rey’s wide, amber eyes screamed with colors that he’d never seen before, her pupils contracted to pinholes. The sight of them nearly made him jump up, but instead he held her even tighter.

Feeling returned gradually to her limbs, and she found herself startlingly calm. Looking up, she found Ben’s eyes, tender and soft as ever. She’d have smiled if she had any control over her facial features. All she could do was reach up to touch his face, feeling it change as relief washed over him.

Ben stroked her face lovingly, trembling with gratitude. Rey blinked when his gentle touch met her skin, and her eyes returned to their normal golden glow. A smile spread across his face, the purest thing she’d ever seen. Looking around, she saw that they were on the floor of the bunker. He was holding her like he’d done on Exegol, when her life had left her body, and he’d given his own to bring hers back. She felt much closer to him now than she ever had; the way that he held her, the way his hands felt on her body, safe, strong, cherishing. If she could feel much more she might have melted in his arms.

“Ben?” Her voice was cracked and thin, as though she’d been screaming for hours. “What happened?”

“It’s okay,” he said, caressing her face, looking deeply into her eyes, finding her deep inside. “You’re okay. I’m here.” He leaned down, touching his forehead to hers. Her entire body was on fire at this simple touch. She held onto him with all the strength she had left, like he was the only thing left in the universe. “I’m not gonna let you go,” he said, “not this time.”

“You’re...here with me,” she murmured into the space between them.

Ben nodded, unable to speak, his throat swelled shut with relief.

Rey’s eyes fluttered shut. “Kiss me,” she whispered.

And he did, without a second thought. Their bodies and souls blended perfectly, beautifully together. They reached through each other with everything they had, sifting and meshing like sand on a beach. Ben tugged at her shirt, his fingers hungry for her skin. His lips were soft and warm, exploring the tenderest places on her neck, the spot on her chest she had thought no one would ever touch. She realized how naked she felt without him, without his mouth against her skin, wet and wanting. Heat blossomed inside her, butterflies taking flight.

By the time they parted, panting softly together as one, she felt simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated. A different tingling had risen in her fingertips, much more pleasant this time. The only thing she knew how to do in that moment was to wrap her arms around him and let him hold her tight again.

They breathed softly and steadily into one another, foreheads touching tenderly, no thoughts crowding their minds except of each other. Rey’s fear had vanished in the warmth of his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anybody catch my little reference to a certain roll-out feature that we have all fallen in love with? If you did, DM me on Tumblr (@agir1ukn0w) and I will send you a sneak peak of the upcoming chapter😁🦋


	12. Ruin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ben had always been the one sure thing standing with her among all the chaos, the light guiding her through the darkest parts of herself. Now, even as she felt him growing stronger than ever in the Force, he was beginning to fade from her dreams, clinging to the fringes of her soul, nearly falling apart, holding on just long enough for her to wake, trembling and crying in her bed. What was wrong with her? He wasn’t gone, he was alive, and he was here with her. Yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was slipping away from her somehow. Or perhaps, she was the one slipping from his grasp. She told herself that she wouldn’t let anything like that happen, that she’d rather die than let their precious connection be threatened again. He was all she had, after all, the one thing in the entire universe she knew better than her own self. The only person she cared about, who she knew she’d die to protect. But what if it wasn’t her decision to make?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! This one took a LONG-ASS time to get finished but I finally did it! Thank you all so much for being patient, I know it's hard with everything that's been going on. Even though in the next couple weeks until school ends I may not be able to post as frequently as I'd like, know that I'm always working towards moving this story forward because I love these characters and I love you all. Stay strong my friends, and stay classy.
> 
> Peace, Love, and Reylo.

When he found his strength again, Ben scooped Rey up and carried her to her bedroom. Rey felt as though she were being held miles above the floor. She’d draped her arm over his shoulder, resting her hand against his chest, feeling his heart murmuring deep inside him. She quivered with energy, a diminishing, white-hot sensation that whirred through her whole body like a hyperdrive. She still couldn’t feel her legs except for a slight tingling in the soles of her feet. She somehow felt both lighter than air and a thousand pounds heavier. If Ben hadn’t been holding onto her, she might have floated away or sunk into the core of the planet.

Rey felt light in his arms. That was all she knew. He carried her like she was nothing, all while looking at her like she was the whole universe. She couldn’t stop staring at him, at his strange, beautiful face. Everything about him seemed unreal, and yet he was the only real thing in her world right now, the only thing keeping her afloat, keeping her alive, keeping her sane.  _ What a wonder you are _ , she thought to herself, unsure if he could hear her or not. There were many thoughts running through his mind, thoughts that echoed through her own mind. Most of them were about her. In fact, all of them were.

When they crossed the threshold to her room, she clung tighter to him, almost instinctively. She didn’t want to be put down. Now or ever.

“Ben?” she said, her voice still parched and weary. It was all she could do to keep from heaving from the lack of moisture in her throat.

Ben stopped at the foot of her bed and looked softly down at her. “Yes?”

Her mouth hung open as she scrambled for something to say. She was stalling; they both knew it. She didn’t care. She didn’t want him to let her go. “I feel funny.” It was stupid, but it was all she could think of at the moment. Her brain felt like mush, her skull throbbing worse than before. She could barely hear herself speak over the white noise in her head.

Ben was too drained to even laugh at the hopeless understatement. He could feel everything she felt through the bond, vibrating like the power core of a star destroyer. It had taken more out of him than he knew, but he refused to let Rey fall. If she wanted him to hold her for a few more minutes or for the rest of the night, he would do it. “You’ve had a hell of a time sweetheart,” he said, grinning.

Rey smiled, pulling herself up closer to him. She felt instantly lightheaded at the effort, her arms trembling terribly. “Take off my boots.”

Settling her gently down on the bed, Ben sat cross-legged at the other end, cradling her feet in his lap. He slipped her shoes off slowly, carefully, his rough hands warm against her cold toes. She could feel him touching her feet, but she still couldn’t move them. Rey could barely keep her eyes open, but she didn’t want to take her eyes off him. He was so tender, his long fingers carefully caressing the bare skin of her calves, eliciting that familiar quivering deep below her tummy, much deeper this time. She thought that if she’d had any control over her legs, she might have raised her feet to his lips. The thought made her shiver, and she wasn’t in the mood to shake it off. She wanted him to keep going, let his hands roam over the strong curves of her legs, finding their way to other places that she had never dared to dream of.

The bedroom was dark, and his eyes glowed softly in the fading light, dark and deep, tired and yet full of so much life. His muscles had begun to unwind beneath his shirt, and he’d taken on an aura of soft euphoria. She could feel his relief, his joy, radiating from his heart. She wondered what feelings he could sense in her. If he knew half the things she was feeling at that moment...her face went red, and she was thankful for the darkness.

Ben’s hands shook as he clumsily removed her wool boots, setting them down on the floor, and taking a moment to warm Rey’s feet. She looked so serene despite what she’d just gone through.  _ Like a queen _ , he thought to himself, rubbing the soles of her feet between his palms.

“How do you feel?” he asked her.

“I don’t know,” she replied, and it was the truth. A million different things zigzagged through her body, colliding and splitting and electrifying. She wondered if this was what a spice high felt like. She made a mental note to ask Poe about it the next time she saw him.

“I don’t know what the hell happened out there,” Ben said, “but something tells me that you’re lucky.”

“Huh,” Rey said. “Doesn’t feel like it.”

Ben’s hands ached, but he continued to rub her feet absentmindedly, as though he’d forgotten he was even doing it in the first place. “Ben,” Rey said.

“Should I stop?”

She shook her head. “No.” She wanted him closer, and she didn’t have the strength to take his hands and pull him closer to her. “I need help.”

“With what?”

“My shirt.”

To say that he was taken aback would have been an understatement. Looking at her, he saw that she was perfectly serious. Her arched eyebrows seemed to beckon him nearer. She had already begun to inch her shirt up over her stomach, but it was clear she wanted him to finish. Nervously, Ben crept closer to her and knelt by her side. She raised her arms above her head, and he slowly lifted the shirt up past her fingers. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. A slight shiver ran over her, goosebumps appearing on her exposed skin. Only the thin chest strap covered her breasts, and she was too exhausted to be embarrassed. “What is it?” she asked.

Ben looked somewhat petrified. He quickly shook it off, however. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

Her chest rose and fell evenly, steadily, though her heart beat furiously within. Pools of sweat had risen and subsided along her shoulders, glistening in the twilight sun that crept through the window. She looked so vulnerable, so weak, shivering in the sudden chill that ran across her flesh.

She felt ruined, unraveled. Everything inside of her had come apart, and the feeling didn’t improve at all with Ben sitting so close to her. She was the one who wanted him there, she reminded herself. She wanted him to undress her, while she could do nothing but watch him, let him. She didn’t want him to stop with her shirt.  _ Undo my breast band, _ she wanted to say.  _ Let me breathe. Slip your fingers through my hair. Wrap your hands around my waist, my throat. Pull me under. Undo me. _ Each thought that crossed her mind vanished as soon as it had come, almost too faint to notice.

Discarding her shirt on the floor where the rest of her clothes lay, Ben asked, “What’s next?”

“Hair, please.” He deftly released her hair from the tight bun she’d wound it into. It fell softly around her face, lightly brushing her cold shoulders. Ben’s hands lingered there a moment, delicately, as though he were afraid she might break.

Rey let out a shallow huff, grinning lazily at him. Her eyes were tired and dimmed, even though her smile still shone like the sun. “It’s okay, Ben.” She added, softly, “You can touch me.”

Frustratingly, he acted as though he hadn’t heard her, preparing to maneuver her under the covers. Rey caught his hand before he could begin to move her. Ben looked at her, hair falling thickly over his wavering eyes. If she could move her arms, she’d have reached up to tuck it away from his face, touch his cheek, his lips. “Not yet,” she said. Ben’s brows furrowed, his breath quickening in anticipation of her next request. Without saying anything, he knew what she wanted. Not taking his eyes off hers, he moved her so that she was lying on her back, and began carefully pulling her trousers off.

She was starting to see stars. Her head felt so empty that everything seemed to be echoing through her mind like whispers in a hollow cave. Despite being relieved of her stiff, cold pants, her legs felt like they were on fire. She wasn’t entirely sure if it was from what had happened to her in the woods, or from the feeling of his hands easing down the length of her legs. She trembled under his intense gaze, just like she had before. His eyes were so focused, veiled in the purpose of the task, but nothing he did could hide the secrets within him, not from her. She had already seen them; they were her secrets too.

Once her pants had been tossed aside, Ben wasted no time in gathering her up in his arms. Her legs were wrapped loosely around his torso, arms draped over his shoulders, her head rested in the crook of his neck. She could feel herself losing consciousness, but she wanted to stay awake as long as possible. Pushing the covers aside, Ben laid her down gently, tucking her under the thin blankets and adjusting the pillows beneath her head. Rey breathed silently, in and out, wishing she had the energy to tell him... _ what? _ That she didn’t want him to leave her for starters.

Before he could stand to leave, Rey croaked, “Ben...don’t... _ don’t go _ .”

He understood. He was relieved. Without another word, he climbed into bed beside her, pulling the covers up tightly around them and gathering her into his arms again. Rey rested her head against his chest, snuggling closer to him in incremental movements.

For the first time in her life, she felt safe, protected. Content to lie still in his arms as they breathed slowly together. All the tension that had gathered in his body sunk inside of him, drowning in the warmth they shared. The painful throbbing in her skull had subsided, and she could feel nothing but him. The energy from the stones continued to radiate from her, but with much less intensity. It fizzed effervescently around her, silent and subdued. Neither of them remembered falling into a deep, restless sleep.

* * *

Together, they slept through the next day and well into the night. Ben had gotten up quietly at sunset, but it was pitch dark outside by the time Rey opened her stiff, goopy eyes. Immediately, she felt that something was off, both inside and outside of her. Her hair was a tangled mess, but that wasn’t important. Her entire body ached from lying in a twisted position for so long, and her stomach growled ravenously. She knew she’d slept for longer than she intended to, because everything around her had shifted, the way that things do when another day has come and gone outside of your awareness.

Sitting up slowly in her bed, Rey turned her head and twisted her torso to stretch out her tightened muscles. She licked her lips pensively; her mouth felt even drier than before. The darkness that surrounded her was dizzying, and when she tried to remember what happened, it all seemed to have happened at once; the woods, the stones, Ben catching her as she fell, carrying her limp body back to the bunker as fast as the wind, the kiss they shared, settling her down in her bed, taking off her clothes, holding her in his arms, waking up. Everything came to her in a flash, and she suddenly felt sickeningly weightless, as though the ground were caving in beneath her. She had an overwhelming sense of being both inside and outside her body; seeing the dark room through her own eyes, then seeing herself through another’s.

It was then that she realized Ben had been standing in the doorway the whole time, waiting for her to wake up. Another, more distant memory flared in her mind; her arms and legs restrained by a cold metal chair, and a masked creature crouched before her, waiting. She shivered; a draft of cool air snuck through the cracks in the wall, dragging across her exposed skin.

Turning to look at him, Rey sought his energy in the Force. Finding it just as powerful and comforting as ever, she breathed a sigh of relief. Before she could say anything, he was at her side. He placed his hand against her forehead; she was burning up. His hand glistened with sweat when he removed it.

Rey swallowed with difficulty through the dryness in her throat. “Ben,” she whispered, barely able to make a sound. But he could hear her. He wrapped his hands around her frozen fingers, taking in every inch of her trembling form. Ben tried to sense where she felt any pain or discomfort, but it was as if a miasmic cloud had settled around her, one he couldn’t see through. Something was wrong.

Rey coughed in an attempt to clear her throat. “Ben,” her voice emerged in fragments.

“What is it?” Ben asked. “What do you need, Rey? What’s wrong?”

She looked at him, eyes wide, cheeks pale. “I don’t...my head...spinning...I need to…” The next instant, she had launched herself out of bed and bolted down the hallway to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. She soon began retching into the toilet until she felt there couldn’t possibly be anything left inside besides her guts, which quivered violently after each heave.

Ben listened at the door, wincing at each painful sound, feeling the sharp clench of her empty stomach in his own body.

When at last the vomiting subsided, Rey spent at least ten minutes washing out her dry mouth in the sink. After cleaning the last bit of sick from her gums, she straightened up and observed her hollowed-out reflection in the mirror. At the sight of the pale ghost looking back, another memory, this one more recent and far more painful, stabbed its way through her subconscious: another girl, exactly like her in every way, impossibly similar. Darkness cloaked her like a close-fitting shadow, a streak of red, crackling fire blazing in her black eyes.  _ Don’t be afraid _ , she’d said.  _ Don’t be afraid of who you are. _

_ Who am I? _ she asked her reflection.

The searing echo of her soul replied definitively,  _ NO ONE. _

Rey felt as though she might implode at any second. She must have stared at her reflection for nearly an hour, because when Ben’s rapid knock at the door finally yanked her from her thoughts, the sweet smell of morning had begun to creep through the bunker, and her hands were white from clutching the sink.

He’d knocked softly at first, then louder when she didn’t reply. It was as if she had tuned out the whole world, and as the darkness within and without the bunker began to subside, he’d grown increasingly concerned. Sharp stabs of fear pierced his gut, feelings he knew were coming from her. Once again, he thought about how, if it were in his power, he would shoulder every burden that weighed her down.

Rey tried to slow her breathing down, but her heart would not obey her commands. It hammered at her chest like it was trying to burst out of her. Clearing her voice, she called his name. “Ben?”

“Yes, Rey?” He sounded relieved to finally hear her voice.

“Could you come in here please?” Her voice shook as badly as her legs. She had to cough several times in order to clear out the phlegm that had cluttered her throat.

“I can’t,” said Ben.

“Why not?”

“You locked the door.”

Rey straightened up from the sink and pressed the unlocking button on the door console. Ben quietly entered, his large frame taking up most of the space in the tiny bathroom. His approach was soft and reassuring. Rey was no longer intimidated by his imposing size. Now, it was an immeasurable comfort, more so than any family she could have imagined on Jakku.

For a long time they said nothing. The stench of Rey’s sickness had retreated to the back of Ben’s mind at the sight of the pale, trembling woman in front of him. She was unconscionably beautiful, and yet her body overflowed with sadness, expelling energy in waves that swept over him. He wanted so desperately to hold her, but they were both held back by a barrier neither of them could see. Something was changing in her, changing in their connection. It was deeper than before, much more open, a chasm of endless possibility. A wound that must be healed.

Then, Rey said, “I wish I knew what the hell is happening to me.” She could feel the tears beginning to well up in her chest. Her eyes burned, framed by rims of red skin. Her growing fear and frustration were closing around her like a cocoon, and they both felt the bond begin to close. Panic spread through Ben’s body like wildfire, and for the first time in almost a year, he wanted to break things, to crush, mangle, and destroy. Blinding anger sparked at his fingertips, twitching desperately at his side, starving for the heat of his old weapon. He wanted to slash through every line that still separated them, burn a path straight to her heart, annihilate every last one of her fears.

As they stared at each other, the bathroom lights grew steadily brighter and hotter, whirring loudly with increasing energy. They didn’t seem to notice; nothing existed beyond the fraying line that held them tenuously together. Then, one by one, each of the bulbs above the sink cracked and exploded.

Shards of glass flew everywhere. They were startled from their furious trance by the sudden burst. Rey was cut on her shoulder and face, small, silent drops of blood joining the crystalline wreckage at their feet. Her head screamed with pain, as the world around them came rushing back into focus. She didn’t realize she’d been holding in her breath until that moment.

They both looked down, taking in the destruction on the floor around them. Rey stared bemusedly at her surroundings as though she’d been jolted from a deep sleep.

Ben was the first to break the silence. “Don’t move,” he said, “I’ll get something to clean this up.” Before he left her, he paused to stare briefly at the gashes on her face and shoulder, bright red against the white backdrop of her skin.

Once he was gone, Rey turned to look at herself in the mirror again. The longer she looked, watching lonely tears roll down her face, the more she wondered how much more of this she could take. The edges of her vision blurred and shook so fiercely, she thought she might throw up again. Distant sounds of splintering glass echoed in her mind. A fire had been lit inside her, fueled by the oxygen she rapidly inhaled. Cold and burning, flickering, fragmenting shadows creeping in from all corners of her brain.

_ Crack. Shatter. Burst. _ The mirror was the next thing to break.

* * *

Kylo had never been the one to clean up broken things, whether or not he’d been the one to break them. The droids always came and went and the smoldering shards would be gone, scattered remains of his anger swept away like the crumbling, ashen bodies he left in his wake.

Ben Solo would be the one to clean up this mess, made by whatever furious, frightened power Rey had inside of her. He would do it because he knew that she couldn’t do it on her own, not now. And because, more than anything else, he cared for her, much more deeply than he’d cared about anything in his life. By the time he returned with a filthy nettle duster and a grimy pail, the mirror had also been decimated, and she had already left.

Had he really expected her to just stand there because he told her to? The more he knew her, the more it became clear to him that she followed her own rules, and no one else’s, not even his. He’d learned that lesson the hard way the first time they’d spoken to one another, that she would never submit to anyone’s oppressive will. He wouldn’t be making that mistake again.

As he crouched down to begin sweeping up the broken glass, a fresh realization crept into his mind: not only did her tendency towards resistance excite him, it awoke something stronger in the heart of Ben Solo, making him want to stand for something, to stand for her as she had stood for him. He craved her defiance, he realized, that secret fire inside of her that gathered him closer to her every day. It had driven him to stay alive when they first met, and it urged him to stay awake now.

The bathroom was nearly clean by the time Rey crept back around the corner, silently as a child. She still quivered with remnants of the energy she’d absorbed from the stones. Dried tears streaked her face, which was beginning to regain some of its usual color. They stung like stiff pine needles dragged across cold flesh. She felt like drinking herself into a deep, dreamless sleep. She wanted to shatter every window and mirror in sight and set fire to the dusty old bunker that was their prison. She wanted to tear apart every piece of machinery she could get her hands on and then put it all back together. The urge to destroy and rebuild surged through her, stronger than a river that could cut straight through a mountain.

But more than anything else, more than ever, she wanted,  _ needed _ to be held by him again. This feeling above all others crushed her with the weight of its presence within her. She didn’t run to him. And he didn’t drop his tools and sweep her up into his arms. It wasn’t the right time for them, not yet. And neither of them could understand why. It was maddening, this waiting, this separation. This crumbling, hungry feeling inside both of them.

“Ben.” Rey’s voice echoed flatly in the dim hallway. He looked up at her from where he knelt in the bathroom doorway. She was truly beautiful, silhouetted against the growing light of day, a steady, whispering energy coursing through her veins. He could feel the lingering fragments of her inner chaos as strongly as if they were his own. And in a way, he supposed, they were.

“What is it?” he said, rising to stand before her. She wasn’t trembling as fiercely as before, but she couldn’t keep completely still. Shifting from foot to foot, fingers fidgeting, she couldn’t seem to keep her eyes on his for long. It was almost as though she felt ashamed. But she had nothing to be ashamed of. Not with him.

A moment later, she looked down at her shaking hands and said, “I don’t know.” Force only knew how badly she wanted him to kiss her then, standing in that dark, empty hallway with tiny shards of glass still strewn across the floor. She wanted him to take her and press her hard against the wall. She wanted everything to be okay for once. These thoughts flew through her mind faster than she could hold onto them, faster than he could hear them.

Ben’s eyes gravitated towards the still-open cuts on her face and shoulder. They stood in silence again for a fraction of an instant that seemed to draw itself out for miles in every direction.

He reached up to touch her face, his fingers lingering around the edges of the red gash that stretched from the edge of her cheekbone to the corner of her lip. They both flinched when he brushed over a spot where the sting of the cut was particularly keen.

“Sorry.” He quickly withdrew his hand.

Rey shook her head, a feeble smile softening her face.

“Come on, let’s get that fixed up.” The echo of a glimmer, the shadow of something more in his eyes was enough to numb Rey’s throat, leaving her speechless. She let him lead her into the kitchen, sitting her down at the table while he set about looking for disinfectants and a clean cloth. She could still feel his touch, glancing though it was, imprinted boldly on her skin, soothing the ragged wound. His tenderness had been enough to mock the turmoil within her, the lingering grasp of his eyes calming her inner storm. She couldn’t sit back or relax long enough for her knotted muscles to unwind. But the now-familiar sense of ease was beginning to wrap itself around her, cloaking the tightness in her stomach with a low, purring frequency that soothed her aching mind.

The smart of the cuts had begun to fade by the time Ben knelt in front of her, washcloth and bacta in hand. While he carefully applied the medicine to her cuts, Rey forced herself to breathe, clearing her mind, dwelling on nothing but the residual energy of his fingers and his eyes, sweeping silently over her, crystallizing in her skin.

Ben paused. Something had changed, he could sense it, a murmur just under her skin that signaled something shifting within her. He blinked once, disbelieving.  _ What is happening to you? _ he whispered through the bond.

She had stopped shaking, but her aura was disheveled, her face tight and red. Her cuts, which had been bright and bleeding mere minutes ago, had now all but vanished from the surface of her skin, slowly fading to scars.

“I’ve missed something, haven’t I?” Ben said, remembering how to speak.

Rey smiled, a sublime ache blooming in her face, spreading to her core as though she hadn’t done it in years. “What do you mean?”

“Your cuts. They’re healing.” He gestured to her face and shoulder.

Rey raised her hand to her cheek and realized he was right. Jumping up and sprinting to his bathroom, she looked at her reflection, and sure enough, her skin was almost completely clear. Only shallow, pink divots remained in her flesh where the gashes had been.

Ben was right behind her. Turning to look at him, she read his face for answers, conflicting thoughts lightin up her eyes. “I don’t understand,” she said, then paused. “Unless…”

The same conclusion dawned on Ben’s face. “Rey, when you stabbed me on the Death Star, I almost died. But then you...you saved me.”

Rey moved closer to him. “And you saved me. On Exegol.”

He looked confused. “But I thought we could only use the Force to heal others. You’re saying...we can heal  _ ourselves _ now?”

Rey blinked inquisitively, pushing out a breath that could have been a feeble attempt at laughter. She was beginning to feel dizzy again. “What do you think?”

“You already know that,” he said, tucking a stray brown hair delicately behind her ear. A little more heat rushed into her cheeks. “But I’ll tell you one thing I know for sure.”

“What’s that?”

Ben grinned. “We won’t be needing the bacta anymore.”

* * *

Over the next few weeks, the pain that vibrated through Rey’s body dwindled, but never fully left. She’d be woken in the middle of the night from her fragile sleep by a bone-crushing ache, drenched in sweat, teeth chattering, overthrown by waves of nausea that refused to subside. More than once, she had to drag herself to the bathroom to empty out her already feeble stomach, spitting and coughing until she couldn’t feel anything but the sickness of her throat.

Although he couldn’t feel these things as strongly as she, Ben knew full well what it was like for her. Each time he heard her making her way down the hallway to the bathroom, he felt his own stomach clench in anticipation. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could watch her go through this. It was meaningless, he could see no discernible reason for it. Why must she suffer like this just so the Force could have its way with her? Why must either of them have to endure such pain? Hadn’t they both had enough? He couldn’t understand, and that lack of understanding was what kept him awake.

The dreams they shared were still vivid, but increasingly muddled and often turbulent. Colors and sounds raced back and forth between their minds, voices known and unknown piping up from different corners of the darkness, saying things they could barely understand. In them, Rey felt the beating heart of Laris millions of miles beneath her. It pounded in her head as she crossed the threshold between sleep and consciousness, that same steady rhythm, throbbing like the muffled ticks of a time bomb. It leaned heavily against her throughout the day like shadow made body, and each time she felt its pressure a shiver would run up and down her spine.

Ben had always been the one sure thing standing with her among all the chaos, the light guiding her through the darkest parts of herself. Now, even as she felt him growing stronger than ever in the Force, he was beginning to fade from her dreams, clinging to the fringes of her soul, nearly falling apart, holding on just long enough for her to wake, trembling and crying in her bed. What was wrong with her? He wasn’t gone, he was alive, and he was here with her. Yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was slipping away from her somehow. Or perhaps, she was the one slipping from his grasp.

She told herself that she wouldn’t let anything like that happen, that she’d rather die than let their precious connection be threatened again. He was all she had, after all, the one thing in the entire universe she knew better than her own self. The only person she cared about, who she knew she’d die to protect.

* * *

But what if it wasn’t her decision to make?


	13. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *queue fanfare*🎉🎊🎉🎊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> It's finally here!!! So sorry you all had to wait so long, but I promise it will have been worth it. Now that it's the end of the semester, I should have a bit more time to continue this amazing fic that I am so, so proud of, and that I hope you all will continue to enjoy.
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy this latest installment in the story and, as always, don't hesitate to tell me all about what y'all think of it in the comments and leave kudos if you haven't already 😊❤️🦋
> 
> #ReyloForever  
> #BenSoloLives

Rey had been aware of a growing illness inside of her, as though she’d been carrying some heavy, unspeakably powerful, unknowably dangerous living thing that had yet to be born. Her body ached throughout the day and screamed through much of the night, bleeding tears from the stabbing pain that struck her countless times. The sensations blooming within her cried out half in agony, half in ecstasy, and Rey would have preferred a simple, uncomplicated pain to the hybrid stranger filling up her skin. It haunted her every movement like a shadow, inseparable from her, yet not quite a part of her.

Ben felt it as sharply as she; it struck him in rebound, a dim reflection of the strange power which had latched itself onto her. Every day she got stronger, better able to bear the constant discomfort; she was healing, though slowly. It infuriated him that he couldn’t bear it for her. He’d carried so much on his shoulders since his birth. Now he would suffer knowing that no matter what he did to help her cope, it would make little difference; only she could bear the pain. But she wouldn’t have to do it alone.

Little by little, they discovered that Rey’s sickness was not only the result of the mysterious force attached to the stones, but also their lifelong separation from one another. They’d been apart for so long, searching for but never truly finding the other half of their soul, a rift had been cut somewhere deep inside them, creating an imbalance within them both. Somehow, the power of the stones had exposed that imbalance for what it truly was. Rey knew, the longer they avoided one another, the worse it would get. Her longing for him was not just about attraction, wanting; it was also about survival.

Through the weeks that followed, while she continued to struggle, Ben remained close to her at all times, acting from an instinct to protect that which he held most dear. He felt stronger by her side, and he knew that she felt more at peace when he was with her, even when she insisted on being alone; he couldn’t stay more than six feet away from her without feeling all the energy drain from his body. Each time he got close to her, his heart would beat much faster, just as it had the very first time he laid eyes on her.

Even though she enjoyed, and often  _ needed _ his company, Rey wished he would stop fretting over her. She knew his closeness wasn’t because of the tight spaces of the bunker; she knew the signs of worry, she’d seen it before in her friends. 

But the way that his face would change whenever he looked at her, the look that saw straight through her skin, past the masks of Scavenger and Jedi she’d worn her whole life, to the truth concealed within her heart, also reminded her of his mother. Leia had seen her as more than just a scavenger from Jakku, more than the Jedi of the Resistance. She’d seen her as family.

Was that how Ben saw her? she wondered, a lightness she hadn’t felt in weeks filling up her stomach at the thought. His presence at her side became more constant, more familiar, as her sickness subsided. She’d almost gotten used to their bodies brushing absentmindedly against each other several times during the day; with every touch, she felt her own strength begin to return. He was at her bedside each night when she fell asleep, and he was there each morning with breakfast and tea. She could sense a new warmth growing inside of him, a lit flame that bloomed into a million stars when she looked into his eyes.

Something even stranger happened during this time. An unfamiliar tension had strung itself between them, a tight cord, drawing them even closer than before.

When he wasn’t out hunting for food or in the kitchen cooking, Ben was at her side, golden-brown eyes shimmering in the sunlight that spilled through her window. Even when he wasn’t with her, his energy lingered in the air around her, strong and comforting. She’d already memorized everything about him; every line, every movement of his face, each perfectly-coiffed strand of hair on his head, even the striking curves of his muscles, the way he walked and spoke softly to her, she knew it all by heart. These were treasures to her, things she’d keep forever in her soul. Far more precious than anything she’d ever been given.

It had been weeks since their last kiss, and Rey could still feel the memory of his lips against hers, each time she closed her eyes, the wonder of his arms holding her tightly to him, feeling her,  _ loving _ her. Even now, her mind reeled at the idea that what they felt for each other could be something so fantastical, so mythical. Those feelings couldn’t be put into words, which, she supposed, was just a lazy way of saying they had no idea what it was.

Through it all, the tension between them tightened and tangled. Until, finally, one morning at breakfast, it snapped.

* * *

Rey sat quietly at the kitchen table, barely touching her food. She’d been unable to eat much in the past few weeks. She’d grown thin, her cheeks and stomach hollow. Ben stood at the counter, his back to her; he didn’t have much of an appetite either.

The day was silent and frozen, all things falling into frost and shadow. The world was going to sleep. The whole bunker had gone cold, its walls leaning in closer, gathering around the warm life force of its inhabitants.

Ben held his mug of cold caf rigidly in one hand. He’d been staring at it for nearly an hour, while Rey attempted to eat her breakfast. All he could hear were the delicate sounds of her fork shuffling bits of food around her plate. Every sound she made echoed in his mind. His body shuddered, so lightly that she almost didn’t notice when she finally pushed her plate aside and looked up at him.

For a moment that felt like forever, neither of them moved. Their stillness was only broken when Ben’s mug suddenly shattered in his hand. Caf spilled over the counter and onto the floor.

Rey stood up so quickly that she knocked the bench over, running to his side. Ben seemed to have hardly noticed the mess; all he could feel was the pain. Rey stared at him for a moment, then her eyes drifted down to where Ben’s hand hung limp and trembling at his side, weeping blood into a small, red puddle on the floor.

Gently taking his wrist, she held it in front of her, examining the crimson gash on his palm. The cut was deep, much deeper than the ones she’d sustained weeks ago. Not nearly as deep as the ones she’d given him. Breathing deeply, she pressed her palm against his, eliciting a stifled wince from Ben.

Time slowed. Something that felt like a soft stream of electricity leapt up from deep inside her chest, danced across her collarbone, and shot down her arm to where their hands touched. Rey breathed slow and steady, easing her living Force into his wound through their connection. An otherworldly glow had illuminated her face. She wore the same expression of focus and serenity that she had that day on the crumbling, drowning ruins of the Empire’s greatest failure. It was not a day that Ben liked to remember. She had killed Kylo Ren that day. But she saved Ben Solo’s life. A simple touch heals all wounds. He’d realized then that she was his light, that he could never let her go, no matter how hard he tried.

It was over almost as quickly as it started. Rey opened her eyes. A rush of new breath entered her lungs and she stumbled backwards. Ben caught her before she fell.

The air around them cleared as though it had been gathered in a suffocating cloud before. The silence dispersed; they could hear the birds and other small creatures of the forest singing their ageless songs.

Rey blinked as though she’d woken from a dream. Daylight pierced the windows, flooding the room with light and warmth. Ben held her steady while she came to her senses. “Rey?” he said, a look of concern on his face. She hadn’t had this reaction before. “Are you…”

“I’m fine,” she said. She looked at him calmly. “A little...off. But I feel okay.”

Ben smiled softly. “Okay.”

Rey held his hand palm-up. The wound was gone, of course, leaving nothing but a fading scar in its place.

* * *

“I always meant to ask,” Ben said as they sat beside each other on the doorstep that afternoon, “how long have you been able to do that?”

Rey sat with her face cupped in her hands, leaning against him. Everything around them was coated in a fine layer of frost, and each breath she took came out thick and white as a ghost. Sighing, she said, “I don’t think I can answer that question accurately. There are things I don’t remember doing, but I must have done them before. There’s a part of me that remembers, like a second sight. It’s as easy as breathing to me.”

Ben watched the frozen trees intently, his hands hanging loosely over his knees, breathing slowly in and out. The rigidity in his body had begun to fade since that morning. It was as though he’d been pulled from a trance. Rey’s touch kept him calm. “You just breathe,” he said, letting the words linger in the cold air around them. His voice was deep and tired.

Rey rested her hand on top of his, easing him from his pensive state. Ben looked at her kindly, adoringly. He smiled.

Then he said, “I’m gonna kiss you now. And there’s nothing you can do about it, Jedi.” He lowered his face to hers, and his lips were soft and sweet like before. He smelled of old things, and new. Rey felt powerless and powerful all at once; she soaked up every minute of it, every movement, his breath on her face, the way his nose tickled her cheek and made her smile. Ben had turned his body to take in all of her, holding her face in his hands. Rey’s fingers snaked through his hair, pulling herself closer to him, feeling his heart beat faster against her chest.

The kiss was long and deep, making her feel very warm inside. And when he bit her bottom lip, she was surprised, but pleased; she wanted more. She needed more of him. He was so warm, even warmer than before. The kiss they shared now had been waiting, just like they had been waiting. Like this planet had been waiting for them. Waiting to heal.

When they finally parted, they remained close together, foreheads touching, mingling frozen breaths feeding the flame burning inside them.

“Took you long enough,” Rey said. Her eyes had begun to water, and she wasn’t sure if they were from the cold or if they were tears. She had missed his lips for longer than either of them could fathom.

“I know.”

She said nothing. She wanted to stay with him like this forever. “I love you,” she whispered. “I should have told you before. I’m sorry.”

Ben stroked her cheek reassuringly. “I know.” Then, after a moment, he said, “I love you, Rey.” He brushed his thumb against the perfect curve of her lips, eliciting a small gasp from somewhere deep inside her. Wherever he touched her, he left traces of himself that would never go away.

They had forgotten everything they planned to do that day. Instead, they sat together on the doorstep, sharing thoughts and touches, looking through the gaps in the tree line, much further than before. They smelled every leaf, each frozen dewdrop clinging tightly to the surface of everything that was still. In the air, they could taste the tiny particles of ice, floating like shimmering jewels hung from the sky. Digging their boots into the frozen ground, they soaked up the essence of Laris’ groaning, timber flesh, the immense strength of its roots reaching deep below and spiraling up into canopies of sighing branches in the sun-stained air above. Together, they listened, hearing the trees whispering amongst themselves, a symphony of emotions building up, growing thick within the planet beneath their feet.

Rey rested her head against his shoulder, more content than she’d felt in weeks.  _ Be with me _ , she spoke through the bond.  _ I want to feel everything with you. _

* * *

That night as they fell asleep together, Rey thought of the stones again, seeing them clearly in her mind, standing as cold and still as everything else in those woods. They seemed to be waiting for something, reaching out to them for some unknown reason.  _ How long have they been here? _ she wondered.  _ How long have they been waiting for us? _ These thoughts lulled her into a deep sleep, wrapped up in the steady, silent rhythm of Ben’s breathing.

The subtle glow of the bond stirred around them.

_ Rey found herself once again in the forest, a mirror image of the world inside her mind. She felt the cold ground beneath her feet. She walked forward, moving quicker with each step, the trees gathering her deeper and deeper into their heart. She knew where they were leading her. Before she knew it, the stones loomed heavily over her, blocking out all light, throwing long shadows over the ground. Rey held her breath as everything inside of her fell silent. Opening herself further to the Force, she listened. The world around her held answers, but they all spoke in a language she couldn’t understand. Voices emanating from the stones spoke her name in secretive, echoing whispers. She couldn’t discern how many there were; they all spoke at once, calling out her name:  _ Rey.

_ She answered softly, _ Yes?

_ The voices continued to call out to her, louder and fewer than before,  _ Rey.

What is it?  _ she said.  _ Who is calling me?

_ They repeated her name, over and over, until only one voice rose up to touch her, the only one she knew. _

Rey.

_ It was Ben’s voice, murmuring but as clear as if he’d spoken to her just then. _

Jolted from sleep, she sat up in bed, breathing fast. Feeling for Ben in the space beside her, all the heat left her body when she realized he wasn’t there. Stretching out her feelings through the Force, she searched for him. He was nowhere in the bunker. He was somewhere else, somewhere farther away.

A single, shuddering thought crossed her mind, and she let it fall away as she leapt out of bed, throwing on whatever clothes she could find, and sprinted outside into the still-dark morning.

She could still hear him calling her, soft but clear.  _ Rey. _

Finding the bright line of their bond, she followed it into the trees. She didn’t look back or look to see where she was; she already knew where she was going, where their bond was leading her. She could feel him, faintly, at the place where she knew he would be.

_ Wait _ , she said.  _ Please wait. I’m coming. _

* * *

“Ben!” Rey screamed into the stretching shadows. Her voice echoed through the trees, returning to her ears without an answer, without his voice.

She was breathing hard now, her heart pounding through her body, flashes of pain flaring up at the back of her skull. Rey shouted his name over and over until her voice was gone. She knew that all she could do was hold tight to the shimmering light of their bond and follow it. Without it, in her panic to find him, she might have been lost forever among the endless trees.

The closer she got to where he was, the brighter the bond shone through the darkness. His voice came through, still weak, but a little louder and clearer this time. Rey stopped for a moment to catch her breath, clinging desperately to the sound of his voice. She let it ring through her mind, fill her up, surround her, until his presence in the Force was all she could feel. Using her last ounce of strength to pry open the bond a little wider, she breathed her whole heart into their connection, reaching out to touch him with her inner voice.

_ Ben _ , she whispered,  _ hear me...Please. _

Like a candle in the dark, she felt the warmth of his life on her face, and in her belly.  _ Rey. _ He said her name, but he didn’t just speak it; he reached through the bond and touched her heart. A feeling of desperation and love that she’d never felt before overwhelmed her, bringing her to tears.

_ Rey! _

She opened her eyes and ran.

* * *

Ben Solo lay unconscious in the shadow of the stones. His chest rose and fell so rapidly, it almost looked as though he wasn’t breathing at all. At the sight of him, Rey’s heart froze; a terrible vision of the moment when his own heart stopped beating, when he gave his life to save hers, flashed before her eyes, vanishing before she could process it. She ran to him, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process. She had completely forgotten where they were; nothing else mattered.

“Ben... _ no _ .” Rey knelt over him, shaking him furiously, holding his face tenderly in her hands, opening his eyes with her fingers, doing everything she could think of to rouse him. Cradling his head in her lap, she brushed his damp, black hair from his eyes, feeling the all-too familiar pain burrowing into her chest. She said his name, over and over, barely breathing through the tears.

Just as the worst fear of all began to creep into her heart, Rey felt movement beneath her hands. “Hey, sweetheart.”

The air flew back into her lungs and all the blood rushed to her face. Looking down, she saw that Ben’s eyes were wide open, shimmering with the same adoration she always saw in them. But they were tinted with a strangeness that tickled her senses. In that moment, all she could think of was the relief sweeping through her like a wild wind. Pulling him up, Rey held him as tightly as she could, silently refusing to cry. She only allowed herself to take long, lingering breaths in an attempt to calm his pounding heart with her own.

It took him a moment to regain the strength to hold her in his shaking arms. In the silence that held them together, the unnatural static of a forest reeling from the shock of their reunion, their breaths slowly became one again. Rey clutched at the torn fabric of his shirt, running her fingers covetously through his frosted hair, knuckles white, palms sweating.

Ben’s hands inched along the edges of her shoulder blades, astonished at the reality that she was there with him, holding him, breathing with him. Hurting and healing with him.

After a while, Rey let go of her inhibitions and wept into the crook of his neck like a child. “Damn you!”

Ben chuckled weakly, wrapping his arms tighter around her. “Can you not go easy on me just this once?”

“You idiot.” Rey pulled away and stared at him with piercing eyes, sending an imperceptible shiver through his body. “I thought you were...I mean, I didn’t...you scared me to  _ death _ !”

“I know.”

The drumming of Rey’s heart increased, and Ben pulled her gently back into his embrace, rubbing her back comfortingly, letting her know that it was alright.

“I thought you were gone.”

“But I wasn’t.” Ben smiled, planting kisses of gratitude and hunger along her neck. “I’m right here. I never went anywhere.”

Rey sighed. “I know.” Looking at him again, she said, “But don’t ever do something that kriffing stupid again, okay?”

“I just went for a walk.”

“Ben,” Rey said, her eyes narrowing concernedly.

He placed his hands tenderly on either side of her neck, stroking the curve of her jaw and her lips, and said, “Okay.”

“Now let’s get out of this damn forest. And away from these kriffing rocks.”

* * *

Rey held a cool cloth against the bruise on Ben’s temple from where he’d fallen in the woods. It wasn’t as bad as it looked, but needless to say, she wasn’t going to let him out of her sight anytime soon. Her face was perturbed, but her eyes were concerned.

Ben, on the other hand, looked like he was high on death sticks; his face was blank and his eyes were clouded. All he did was stare at her, which wouldn’t have been so unnerving had she not found him unconscious in the forest an hour ago. His shirt was soaked through from the frost; Rey quickly discarded it the minute they reached the bunker. It didn’t do much to lessen his violent shaking, but it would prevent him from catching a cold. 

They sat silently together in the living room, only looking at each other. Ben smelled of Laris and the winter air. Although he seemed considerably weakened, the heat that radiated from him caused her to sweat lightly. Wiping the dampness from her brow, she said, “Why did you go without me?”

Ben looked ashamedly down at his hands. He could be like a little boy in trouble with his mother from time to time. Of course, it was harder for Rey to see him as such now; no shirt obscured his size, powerful muscles standing out against his hungry skin, glistening with sweat. He still shivered uncontrollably, though less so under her careful touch. “I don’t know,” he sighed. In all the time she’d known him, his voice had never sounded so parched and thin.

Swallowing the dry lump in her throat, Rey said, “I don’t think we should do anything alone from now on.”

“That’s a bit drastic,” Ben intoned.

“Shut up.” Rey pressed the cloth harder against his head. “You’ve been stuck to my side every day for the past several weeks. It’s only fair that I return the favor.” She smiled.

Ben tried to smile back, but his cheek muscles wouldn’t obey his commands. Rey understood, of course. She knew exactly what he was going through. “How do you feel?” she asked.

His eyes turned soft and cool. Saying nothing, he leaned forward and kissed her. Rey placed her fingers against his lips. “That’s not an answer.” A soft, exasperated groan escaped from his throat.

“Ben,” she said, combing his thawing hair with her fingers, “you’re not well. Any minute now you’re going to feel like throwing up, and I don’t think you want to be kissing me when that happens.”

He started to laugh, then keeled over in pain, holding his stomach.

“Stars above, you’re such a baby!”

“I thought you were supposed to be nice to me.”

Without saying another word, Rey stood and pulled Ben to his feet, draping his arm over her shoulder and helping him stagger back to his room. His shattered strength mirrored her own; legs that could barely hold him up, a heart that refused to be still, and a mind that wouldn’t stop consuming the spiraling world around him. The tremors that ran through his body left a wreckage of nerves that struggled to heal each time.

The sun had barely begun to kiss the horizon, and they were both more exhausted than they’d ever been in their lives. Going to bed was as inevitable as the sleeplessness they would find there. Rey’s eyelids screamed with the heaviness they carried, and they both knew that, as much as their bodies longed for it, the promise of rest was no longer welcome in their restless minds.

Ben kept looking at her while she helped him into bed. Thankfully, she didn’t need to remove his boots for him; he’d left the bunker that morning without putting them on, and his feet were scarred and frozen. He couldn’t stop himself from trying to touch her hand, or hold onto strands of her hair, each time she got close enough. His childlike behavior made her smile, even though she knew it was partly from delirium. She eventually had to hold his hands still until he calmed down. Sighing, she pushed the covers aside and climbed into bed beside him. Moving so that his head rested on her chest, she thoughtlessly ran her fingers through his impossibly soft hair until she felt his body begin to stop shaking.

He was like a ginormous loth cat, curled up beside her, nestling in the warmth of her body. Rey could tell that it had been a long time since he’d allowed himself to feel this safe. She couldn’t say that she blamed him. She’d never been the one to hold or be held by anyone. But all that had changed in less than a year, for both of them. Two years ago, alone and starving on Jakku, Rey could never have imagined that she would find someone who, besides being the other half of her soul, understood her completely. Understood and... _ loved _ her.

The entire universe had shifted. Everything was out of place, and neither of them knew why or how. The bond flowed silently between them, unraveling the bone-deep layers of concrete that the years had built around them. Breathing together, they felt the essence of the planet gathering around them like a vast, green blanket. Nothing was certain, but things were beginning to make sense. As long as they stayed together, Rey thought, they would be able to figure it out. Whatever  _ it _ was.

* * *

Ben had always been good at handling pain. Or at least, he thought he was. But the sensations swirling around his head and his body were unlike anything he’d ever felt. He could never figure out where the pain was coming from, or where it would hit him. Each time he shut his eyes, a million blinding colors exploded before him, colliding and ripping him apart from inside.

Only being with Rey, being held in her arms, was enough to quell his agony. He buried his pain in her steady heartbeat, the soothing rise and fall of her chest, her life force flowing through him, healing him. He could feel all of her with his eyes closed, every inch and curve, everything he wanted in the whole world. She was a wonder, his oldest, strangest dream made flesh and blood. When they first met, it had never occurred to him that he could ever have her this way. Or that she would ever want him.  _ The Force moves in mysterious ways _ , he thought.  _ Sometimes it can surprise you _ .

It was hard now to think of everything he’d left behind; all the chaos and despair that followed him, the darkness he ran to when he thought he didn’t belong anywhere else, to find the sense of purpose and acceptance he’d been denied his whole life. With hollowing clarity, he understood now that the greatest pain he’d ever felt wasn’t abandonment; it was being without  _ her _ for so long. And knowing that the pain he now felt was the same pain that Rey,  _ his _ Rey, had had to bear.

At the same time, he realized that his greatest suffering, this feeling of being torn apart and put back together from the inside out, was also the greatest relief he’d ever known. And he thanked the stars that he didn’t have to feel it alone. Not anymore.

* * *

The next night, they slept apart. Neither of them could keep their eyes closed for long. Everything around them felt heavy and churning like an ocean pressing in on them from all sides.

Ben wanted to talk, but he barely had the strength to turn over in his bed, let alone get up and go to her. Without thinking, he opened up the bond connecting them through a thin wall and called to her. The Force received his voice gladly, sending it straight to Rey. He could see her in his mind, lying face-down in her own bed, silently begging for the sweet release of sleep. He felt the itch of the musty blankets against her skin as she shifted from one position to another, finding no comfort whichever way she turned.

The second the bond clicked open, she became still, letting it fill her up and consume her, infinitely grateful for a reprieve from the madding sensations battling beneath her skin. She let him in.

_ How are you? _ she asked.

_ I miss you _ , he said.

Rey smiled.  _ Yeah, me too. _

_ Do you still feel sick? _

_ A little _ , Rey said,  _ but I reckon I feel a hell of a lot better than you do right now. _

Ben sighed, rolling over onto his back, careful not to disturb her, as though she were still in his bed.  _ I wish it were over. _

Rey put her hand over the spot in the bed where he was. Ben held her fingers lightly, lacing them between his own. Rey turned to look at him, but he wasn’t there.  _ I’m still not used to this _ , she said.

_ Same here. _

Rey blinked suddenly. Currents of unfamiliar sensations threaded through her body, sparking at her fingertips where they touched.  _ I...I can feel  _ everything _ you’ve ever done. Good and bad. _

Ben turned and almost caught a glimpse of her eyes shining in the dark.  _ How does it feel...to know all that? _

_ Hard to say. _ She could practically taste the smoke and feel the flames raging through her chest. The violence and the pain, the triumph and the loneliness. Adrenaline rushing through her veins, sweat and furious tears stinging her eyes, blurring every moment, blending together the shadows and the light. Turning these images over in her mind, she said,  _ You were so fierce. Frightening. But you fought with such...nobility. Always. At least you knew who you were. _

_ No, _ Ben said, holding Rey’s imaginary fingers to his lips.  _ I didn’t. Until I knew you, I had no idea who I really was. Who I was meant to be. I thought I knew. But I was wrong, at every turn. _

Rey inched her body closer to him, the warmth of his essence gathering quietly around her.  _ I think we both have a better idea of who we are now. My parents were nobodies. Yours were heroes. And that’s okay. _ Breathing softly, she rolled over and stared at the unmoving ceiling.  _ I’m done trying to define myself by who they were. I don’t care anymore. _

_ Really? _

Turning her head slightly, she could almost make out the faint outline of the man sleeping in the other room. She nodded.  _ As long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter. Because _ … she paused before continuing. She was no longer in doubt.

_ What? _

_ Because you’re my family. _ She could’ve sworn she saw a single, shimmering tear roll down the cheek of the specter beside her. Rey’s heart bloomed with warmth and complete love.  _ How do you feel now? _

_ Better _ , Ben said, his voice deep and trembling.

Rey smiled again.  _ Good. _ Twisting her body contentedly, she finally let her eyelids close, shutting out the waking world.  _ Night, Ben. _

_ Is it morning already? _ he wondered.

_ Not sure. How long have we been talking? _

She didn’t hear his answer, because the next instant, she finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Ben had only begun to fall asleep when he felt a gentle rise in the bond, the faintest undulation in the ocean of empty space surrounding his bed. Rey had found the strength to stir from her bed, awakening anew the pulsation of their sonorous connection. Breathlessly crossing the dark hallway, she stood motionless at his door for several seconds, thinking of him alone in his bed, waiting for her, always waiting.

Endless nights compressed into a single memory lit up in her mind, all those nights they’d been apart, when all she could feel was their shared loneliness and longing for each other. When she couldn’t bear to eat or sleep or talk to anyone for the crumbling emptiness inside her.

Pressing her palm to the door console, she waited for it to yield to her silent urges. The cold metal soon gave way to a womb-like warmth as she entered his room, consumed by the quiet of the night and the low hum of their bond swaying between them.

Rey crossed the room and knelt by the bed. He was still awake, but barely; when her face came into focus, gazing at him with eyes ignited by moonlight, he felt a trembling in his stomach that wasn’t sickness, but something far more pleasant and strange. She was like a dream, almost unreal. Yet he could never have imagined her this way, this beautiful.

Ben’s face glowed in the soft shadows that curled around him. When he opened his eyes and saw her, she was rendered breathless, and her heart fluttered inside her; she didn’t think anyone had ever looked at her like that.

Propping himself up on a shaking arm, his eyes held her for a moment, lips parted, wordlessly begging her not to disappear. To reassure him, Rey climbed into bed and nuzzled herself against him. He wrapped his arms around her like she was the only thing in the world he had to lose. Their hearts sighed in relief as the pain inside them flickered and then extinguished. Rey let her heavy head collide with his warm chest, wrapping her arms around his broad torso, tangling her legs with his, as natural as anything they’d ever done.

The bond embraced them as they breathed slowly and silently together. Something was about to happen, it seemed to whisper. Something  _ had _ happened, and would happen again. But not now, not tonight. Tonight, for the first time in their lives, they belonged to no one but each other. And no power in the universe could pull them apart now.

They are one.

* * *

They let the night slip through them, reviving their fractured souls, healing all the parts of them that had fallen away like dead skin.

Pressing his lips to her forehead, Ben ran his hands through the potent brown of Rey’s hair, dreaming of her eyes, falling asleep to the murmur of her breath.

Although the thick fabric of his shirt separated her cheek maddeningly from his chest, it couldn’t mask the beating of his heart, a deep rhythm that echoed her own.

* * *

The morning woke with them, seeping calmly through the texture of the dream they’d shared. Rey’s eyes opened softly onto Ben’s face, so wonderfully close to her own. Warmth flooded her body, and she reached up to move a delicate black hair away from his eyelid, sighing at his softness in sleep.

A moment later, Ben’s eyes opened, achingly beautiful, their intensity sculpted into something unrecognizable by sleep, tickling a tender place deep inside her. For a while, his dark eyes filled her vision, and she let herself get lost in them.

“Are you awake?” she asked.

He smiled. “I am now.”


	14. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ben was so kind, and gentler than anyone could ever know. When he looked at her the fierceness in his eyes faded and turned to warmth and infinite possibility. This beautiful, hidden side of him was a secret that Rey wished she could share with the whole galaxy. At the same time though, she was glad it was something the two of them could keep for themselves, at least for now. The truth was that he was her hero, her friend, her family. He was hers and she was his, and they would never belong to anyone else for as long as they lived. Maybe even longer."

Rey sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes against the blinding beam of morning light streaming through her window, taking stock of how long she’d been asleep. As she stretched out her body, the warm smells of breakfast wafted into the bedroom, putting a smile on her face. Ben had gotten better at cooking for the both of them, having fallen into the routine of waking up an hour before her to prepare their morning meal.

Sliding lazily out of bed, Rey padded down the hallway to the kitchen, yawning and stretching as she went. She stopped on the threshold to watch Ben as he hunched over the ancient stove, his powerful back muscles tensed slightly under the black sweater he always wore. She could watch him forever, she thought, lost in the details of how he moved around the room, the little sounds of consternation that escaped his throat as he worked, the way that he seemed too big for anything in this tiny room, yet he was always in his element when it came to caring for her.

“Good morning,” Ben said without looking up, sensing her. His voice was deep and delicious, and bore the cadence of something entirely different from what Rey was used to hearing.

“Morning.” She stifled another yawn as she slid into her seat at the table. The metallic surface was cold beneath her skin, and she shivered in the early morning chill. Before she could say anything, Ben was ready with a blanket, quickly draping it around her shoulders before returning to the stove. Rey could tell that it was from his bed because it smelled strongly of him. She surreptitiously brought it to her face, breathing him in deeply.

Their bond hummed gladly through the floor beneath them, tickling the soles of her feet while she waited for him to bring the food. As soon as it was ready and Ben had taken his seat at the table, they both eagerly began snarfing it down. Inside, they felt so hollow from the time they spent recuperating from the effects of the stones, anything they could get their hands on that was edible was good enough for both of them.

Through mouthfuls, Rey said, “What should we do today?” Sitting up, she looked around her as though she were seeing the kitchen for the first time ever. Things seemed so much brighter somehow, though the world outside was getting darker and shorter by the day.

“Not sure.” Ben swallowed his last bite then sat back in his seat. “Do you want to go back to bed?”

“Definitely not!” Rey said exasperatedly, trying to cover up the glow that crept into her cheeks at the suggestion. They silently agreed that they had both had enough sleep for a lifetime.

Another moment of contemplation passed between them. There was something different about Ben that Rey couldn’t quite place. Rubbing her eyes, she noticed a soft glow around him that hadn’t been there before, like he’d been thoroughly cleaned and polished.

“You look…” she trailed off, unsure of what to say.

Ben nervously raised his hand to his hair. “What?”

Rey tried to swallow her amusement, finding it almost too difficult this early in the morning. “I don’t know. You’re just different.”

“Good different? Or…”

“You look fine if that’s what you’re wondering,” she cut him off, smiling. “There’s just something about you that’s...new, somehow.”

Ben lowered his hand, embarrassed. “Oh.”

Now that she mentioned it, something had changed about  _ her _ , something in her eyes and in her smile. The way she brushed her fingers against his. He found himself staring at her for longer than he usually did, unable to put his finger on whatever it was.

Rey hummed, the soft intonation of her voice touching his senses like a sprinkling of spring rain. Standing up slowly from the table, she said, “I’m going to take a shower.” But she lingered a little too long, just long enough for it to seem as though she wanted him to follow.

* * *

The water was warm against her skin, pouring down her back like a waterfall and rising up around her feet in thick veils of steam. Though she tried to guide her thoughts to other things, they always wandered back to him, pulled like magnets, as inevitably as the water flowing clockwise down the ‘fresher drain.

With a deftness that would have shocked her if she weren’t so tired of being ashamed, she found the part of herself that made her feel like melting inside, made her feel like a lake of pure, warm water, soft ripples on the surface as the wind blows gently against it. She’d done this before, only once or twice, in a place that was hot, sweaty and dry, and utterly devoid of life or comfort. The first time she tried it, she remembered feeling strange. She’d had no idea why she felt that way, only that it took her from herself, to a place she wished she would never return from. It lifted her from her dusty mattress in the fallen, abandoned AT-AT, taking her far away from that dark, lonely place. Now, as she discovered herself anew in the shower on Laris, with him so close by, it felt like an entirely fresh experience, something she’d never done before. She wasn’t lonely anymore, wasn’t afraid of herself or anything else. He was there, and that was all it took.

She covered her mouth so he wouldn’t hear the sounds she was making, though she knew it wouldn’t help much. Because of their connection, he could see and feel nearly everything that she did. And a part of her, a particularly strong and hungry part,  _ really _ wanted him to feel all that. She knew that he could, and would. But for now at least, he would respect her privacy, no matter how desperately that part whimpered inside her.

_ He’s too good for you _ , whispered a sickly-sweet voice. Another rasped.  _ He’s a killer. He’s dangerous. Do you really want him to see all the things you’ve been thinking of? _

_ Yes! _ her heart cried out, more certain than ever. Through the curtain of steam, she imagined him coming to her, coming to touch her, to hold her, to feel every inch of her. She never used to think this way about anyone. Not Finn, not Poe, not Rose. On Jakku, there was no one and nothing to desire, other than water, food, and freedom. With the Resistance, she was too busy fighting a war to feel anything but fear and urgency. She had thought that there would be a sense of belonging, of truth, when she joined their cause. There was truth to it, no doubt about that, and she did care. But no matter how hard she fought, how long she stayed, the belonging never came and the emptiness she had always felt on Jakku never completely left her body. She’d since realized that it wasn’t because of her longing for her parents, but her longing for someone else.

Switching off the water, Rey stepped out of the ‘fresher and wrapped herself in one of the itchy towels that had been there since the last galactic war. She could sense Ben’s presence outside the door before she heard him clear his throat to speak. He always cleared his throat when he was nervous about something, as if he was worried his voice might be too deep or threatening.

“It’s okay Ben, you can come in. I don’t mind.”

Ben looked surprisingly sheepish as he entered the steamy bathroom, looming over her despite himself. Rey shimmered in the afterglow of the shower, glowing with the heat and sheen of water still clinging to her skin. She looked fearlessly at him, her eyes full of love and acceptance so pure it nearly brought tears to his eyes.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said, gazing over her shimmering shoulders, her long, muscular arms glistening in the dew of the morning. He moved closer, and Rey felt for a moment as though her heart might drop from her body and straight through the floor, as though their closeness weren’t a daily occurrence, like it was the first time all over again. He raised a trembling hand, and she braced herself for the planet-shattering impact of his touch. They’d had too many moments like this, and not enough; always alone together, always this close, one heart, one soul ripped apart into two bodies. The touch always lingered long afterwards, so long they could both still feel it well into the next day. Rey felt her skin tremble as Ben’s fingers grazed lightly over her collarbone, a deep, echoing sigh escaping from her lungs. Relief. Salvation. Release. Not enough.

Moving into the touch, she held his hand tighter against her chest, as if to say,  _ Don’t leave. Not this time. _

His hair had begun to adhere to his face as the rising steam froze in place around them. Rey’s eyes shone in the reflection of the bathroom lights, growing wider as she guided his hand up her neck and to her lips.

“Rey, I…” Ben’s face grew warmer as Rey began to nibble softly on his fingertips, never once taking her eyes off him. “I should tell you…”

“I know, Ben.”

“Well I’m going to say it anyway.” He swallowed the dryness in his throat before continuing. “From the first moment I saw you...I’ve wanted you. A part of me has always wanted you.”

A gentle grin spread across her face. “And a part of me wishes you’d told me that earlier on. But then I probably would have thought you were crazy.”

“I  _ was _ crazy.” His palms were moist with sweat despite the cool air flowing into the room. Rey couldn’t have cared less, holding his hand firmly against her cheek. “But I’m better now.”

Rey hummed again, her voice purring softly against his hand. “ _ Much _ better.”

* * *

Something had changed, something that they could both feel, as strong and clear as a gust of frozen mountain wind charging through their bodies, a promise of new things to come. Rey wondered if people always felt this way in wintertime.

The world outside the bunker grew colder and more delicate, while their bond became more vibrant and harmonious with each passing day. It had been so long now since the last time they’d actually fought, the memory of the scars they’d given each other had faded like clouds after a storm. Rey couldn’t remember ever being so happy in her entire life, despite the fact that they were both in exile, which she supposed said quite a bit about what their lives had been like up to this point. She still missed her friends terribly, but there were things about her that they could never fully understand.

Every night they sat up together and talked about everything, wading into the long hours and the early dawn with their shared thoughts. They talked as if they’d known each other their entire lives. The rift that had existed between them for so long stitched itself closed and began to heal. Rey realized that she had been waiting her whole life for her family to find her, to remember her and come back for her. Yet she had always known somehow that she was never going to see them again. Her parents weren’t noble or special, good or bad. They were just people whom she had never met and would never know. If she had been alone when she realized this, she might have gone insane. But Ben was there to help her hold her grief, to bear it as long as it lived in her heart. She understood that she’d been searching for them in the stars, waiting for them to come out of the blue and save her from the dust and death of Jakku. But all along they’d been beneath her feet, buried and forgotten by anyone who might have known their names. Maz was right: they were never coming back. But there was someone who  _ would _ come back for her, over and over again, always. Someone who knew her as well as she knew herself. The silhouette behind her reflection in the mirror cave on Ahch-To. The one who answered her call when she was lonely and desperate, who shared all of her fears and pain, who  _ stayed _ . Against all odds, Ben Solo stayed, and stayed, and stayed. What a wondrous, unbelievable thing.

Even more unbelievable was the fact that Rey had always believed that people got stronger the more they hid themselves away. She believed she could be stronger for her friends and for herself if she buried everything deep inside her, deeper than her parents or the roots of the trees. But in every step she took, she felt all the things she kept concealed scratching at the surface, digging away at her skin, trying to grow through hardened soil, begging to be set free. All that time, she had only made herself weaker by not acknowledging her connection with Ben, by refusing him when he tried to reach out to her, by not confiding in him when it was all her heart wanted, and she knew that he would listen and understand. Rey now knew that by laying all her burdens in the hands of the one person strong enough to help her carry them, she was more sure of herself than she’d ever been. Letting him see her true self wasn't a weakness. Letting him touch her in more ways than she thought possible wasn’t a weakness. Letting him carry her when she didn’t have the strength to stand on her own was not a weakness. And falling in love with him, day by day, was not weakness. It was  _ wisdom _ .

Ben was so kind, and gentler than anyone could ever know. When he looked at her the fierceness in his eyes faded and turned to warmth and infinite possibility. This beautiful, hidden side of him was a secret that Rey wished she could share with the whole galaxy. At the same time though, she was glad it was something the two of them could keep for themselves, at least for now. The truth was that he was her hero, her friend, her  _ family _ . He was hers and she was his, and they would never belong to anyone else for as long as they lived. Maybe even longer.

* * *

“Ben!” Rey was shaking him furiously until he woke with a soft grumble, eyes puffy and raw from sleep.

“What is it?” Rey’s amber eyes were aflame with excitement, her dark brown hair done up messily in its familiar three buns with erratic whisps sticking out at all angles. She was crouched by his bedside, her glowing face only a few inches from his. “Are you okay?” Ben asked groggily. “You look like you’ve been up for hours. Have you eaten anything yet?”

“I’m fine,” she said, an additional strand of hair springing free from its ties and dancing aimlessly above her head like a blade of grass. “Ben --- it’s snowing. Come see!”

“Rey, I know what snow looks like.”

She only dignified the remark with an exasperated expression. Taking his hand and tugging on his arm, she said hurriedly, “So do I, just get your arse out of bed and come look.” At last she managed to pull him from the bed and into the living room. He could barely keep his eyes open, and he let her lead him outside.

The snow fell in droves, completely erasing the world beyond the tree line at the edge of the clearing. The mountains which before had cut so starkly into the sky were gone as though they were never there. Ben forced his eyes open a little wider to take in the scene. A frozen gust of wind swept through his clothes as easily as water, and he shivered.

Rey on the other hand didn’t seem the least bit affected by the cold; her joy and wonder were enough to sustain her long enough to marvel at the beauty of the new world they found themselves in. Her face lit up as she tried to count each massive dancing snowflake falling from the sky. “I’ve never seen anything so... _ beautiful _ .” The word seemed inadequate, but her voice was just as quickly swallowed by the silence billowing around them.

Meanwhile, Ben held tightly to her hand. He couldn’t see anything past his own nose, and he worried that she might go bounding into the snow and never come back. But had had nothing to be afraid of, because she held on just as tightly.

In the wind that whistled high and low around them, a voice seemed to whisper softly in his mind,  _ I will never let go. _

* * *

Rey sat in the middle of the living room floor, inhaling the hot tea Ben made for her as it wafted up into her face in thin, gray threads of steam. It smelled of sweet spring flowers and its warmth enveloped her, though she hadn’t so much as sipped it yet.

She was thinking; being forced to stay inside for days on end had that effect on her. Rey longed to run outside and dance with the endless falling snow, lose herself in its soft, fathomless drifts, embraced by the cold and the crystalline air. But neither of them had been given proper winter clothes. Her boots were too thin and none of her jackets were heavy enough to keep her warm for more than a few minutes. Ben only had a few black shirts and a sweater, and his leather pants and boots might have been enough to protect her if they weren’t several sizes too big. She made a mental note to contact Finn and ask him to bring plenty of warm clothing when they came to visit in a few weeks. He and the others would need them.

Her thoughts turned to Ben. She thought about him every single day, far more often now that they were together than when they were apart. She knew him like the back of her own hand, and yet there were still pieces of him that remained a mystery to her, a quiet curiosity that she had grown increasingly determined to understand. Her life leading up to the moment she met him was like a torn page in a book; lost, nothing. It hadn’t really begun until the end. A small part of her wished that she could go back, keep waiting.  _ For what? _ Nothing. Her parents were dead. And that part of herself, she knew now, had died with them. She would no longer wait for them or for anyone else to come rescue her from her own life. That part of her story was torn away, gone. The rest was still unwritten. And now, she had someone who would help her to write it the way it was always meant to be written.

Ben returned with his second cup of tea and sat down slowly beside her. Crossing his legs and huddling over his cup, he looked out the window with her. Rey thought aloud, “I hope it never stops snowing.”

“It has to stop sometime,” Ben said with gray rain clouds in his voice. “It can’t snow forever.”

“I know.” She sighed again. Ben felt the depth of her thoughts in that moment like a silver river running between them. The endlessness of her thoughts, the melodies they made in her mind, put him in a momentary trance. After taking a sip of his tea and setting it aside, he looked at her and waited for her to go on. Finally, she said, “But what if it did? What if it kept snowing and snowing forever until it completely covered the entire bunker and buried us inside? And no one found us until years and years later when we were both dead or too old to care or remember anything?”

Ben moved closer to her until his knee brushed against hers. Rey turned to meet his eyes. “Would you want that?” he asked.  _ To be stuck here with me for the rest of your life, no one else? Not even your friends? _ In truth, he had no idea what she would say. It was something that had always been on his mind, but it was never the right time to ask. Now that he heard the words aloud, they filled him with an overwhelming sense of guilt that he could ever ask such a thing of her.

Meanwhile Rey was looking so deeply into his eyes that it seemed she might dive straight into him. Because that same question had also been on her mind. And the first time in her life, she didn’t feel hindered by what other people wanted from her. She was actually starting to think about what  _ she _ wanted, and about  _ who _ she wanted more than anything else.

_ Are you sure? _ whispered the voice in her ear.  _ Is this really what you want? _

“Yes,” she said. Taking his hands in hers, she continued, “I would rather stay here with you in this tiny bunker for the rest of my life than face the entire universe on my own. If they couldn’t keep us apart for five years, I’d rather not be anywhere without you for a day.”

Ben looked stunned, despite the fact that he could feel the truth of her words through her skin. Cradled in his hands, hers were steady and unflinching. A small vibration passed from her hands to his, sharing a little of her life with him. It tickled the nerves in his arm and spread all throughout his body, reawakening him.

Rey said, “They gave me the choice, remember? I could’ve stayed behind with the others, with the Resistance. But I chose you, because I swore that as long as we’re alive, I wouldn’t lose another moment of being with you. And if I were free, right now, I’d still choose you. Because…”

“You’re my life.” Ben brought his hand to her cheek and held it tenderly, gratefully.

Rey nodded, smiling. “My heart.” She reached out to touch his face, in the place where his scar used to be. She could still feel the shadow of it, lingering, healing.

“ _ You _ are my life Ben,” she said, rising to her knees to take in all of him, her tea discarded and forgotten. His hand found her waist like it was destined to be there. “Without you, I’m --- I’m…”

“Don’t!” Ben said, holding her tightly. “Don’t say that, Rey. Don’t even think it.” His dark eyes filled up with shimmering tears as her hands came to rest on his shoulders. “Please. I was so wrong Rey, that day in Snoke’s throne room. You’re not nothing. You were  _ never _ nothing.”

“I know,” she whispered, touching her forehead to his, gathering herself into him bit by bit. “When you told me that day, I knew you weren’t lying. You never lied to me.”

“So you know I’m not lying now when I tell you that you are  _ everything _ . My whole world, my story. My  _ life _ . I would have died for you a thousand times than go on without you. And I’d do it all over again right now if I had to, if I could. Because without you, there’s nothing.”

Tears rolled off her cheeks and splashed against his. Ben wrapped his arms around her waist and they held each other like that for a long moment, weeping silently together. Their chests heaved softly against each other, as though their hearts were trying to become one. Just as his arms were beginning to feel numb, Ben said, “I know that sounded stupid, but I’m…”

Before he could say another word, Rey silenced him with a kiss, throwing her arms around his shoulders and weaving her fingers delicately through his hair. The kiss overflowed with everything she wanted him to know, how deeply thankful she was that he was there to hold her when the heaviest emotions threatened to crush her. On his face and on his tongue, she could taste everywhere he’d ever been and everything he’d ever done. She wanted it all, every part of him, even the parts she didn’t know about yet. She’d uncover them soon enough, because now there was no way in Hell she was ever letting him go. She loved him so much it hurt, and the more she thought about it, the harder the tears came, flowing freely between them, draining all the pain and sorrow from their bodies. There was nothing stopping them now, nothing holding them back. She let it all go, in the safety of his arms.

When they finally parted, Ben asked, “What are we going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said truthfully. She looked at him, realizing the tears had all but gone, as though the floodgates in her heart had been shut, the abyss of sadness inside her now filled with blissful emptiness.  _ Butterflies _ , she thought without knowing why.

* * *

There are things that people say, like,  _ Stay here. I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise. _ And then there are things that people do. Rey had told Ben that he was everything to her, that she would never leave him, and she meant it with every ounce of truth in her soul. And he trusted her. But they were only words. If she could do something to  _ show _ him that everything she said, everything she felt, was real…

Only one thing came to mind in that moment, in the living room of the bunker, silver strips of sunlight slowly giving way to fleeting shadows of dark gray snowflakes flying past the window. It was one of many things she had thought about ever since the day he came to her aid on Exegol, from the moment when he stood before her in that dark place, torn up and beaten, but stronger than ever, looking at her like she was the only thing in the universe that mattered to him. The final proof she needed that all this wasn’t just another dream, that this feeling in her body and her soul was real.

It was something she’d never done before, with anyone, and so she had no idea  _ how _ they would do it. But that had never stopped her before.

Standing up, she held out her hand to him. “Come with me,” she said, and he let her lead him to her bedroom. He could feel her trembling more and more the closer they got to the room.

Rey closed the door behind them with a soft hiss and stood before him, visibly shivering now. Her eyes were wide and practically glowed in the gathering darkness. She looked at once like a little girl and a grown woman. That she could possess such startling duality within herself was utterly wondrous to him.

“What are we doing?” Ben asked, his eyes wandering over her face. She was glowing all over now, like an ember waiting to be blown into a flame. So beautiful. So... _ ready _ .

“Rey…” Her name had barely left his lips when she silenced him with another kiss, grasping his broad shoulders and pulling him in. His mouth tasted like tea, essence of sweet spring flowers, blooming against her tongue. 

The smell of her came over him like a salty ocean wave breaking against the stones of a distant shore. He felt the fullness of her power and breathless purity in her lips, in the way they consumed him, fed him, tore through him. When they finally pulled apart, her eyes shone like twin stars in a clear night sky, almost unnaturally bright against the shadows cast by the dim light that threw itself coldly through the window, seeking refuge from the storm.

“Rey.” The sound of her name resonating in the space between them sent shocks through her veins. Ben asked her again, “What are we doing?”

Raising herself up on tiptoe, Rey whispered in his ear, “Making up for lost time.” Ben could already feel the ecstasy welling up like a song in his body at the softness and warmth of her voice against his cheek. She laced her fingers with his, simple and easy as ever, and he knew that she felt exactly the same.  _ We belong here. _

Rey barely knew what she was doing as she began to kiss his chin, his throat, her hands wandering frantically over his chest, trying to find her way in the dark. “Help me,” she said, her voice low and breathless with desire.

Stirring under whatever spell she’d put on him, Ben helped her pull his shirt over his head, then waited, gasping, as she explored him, eyes hungry and burning. Something had been awoken in her, a deep, starving part of herself that craved and scratched under her skin. He could feel the heat of her desire even before her fingers returned to his skin, snaking deliciously over his chest and shoulders and down his arms, sharing quiet shocks of pleasure with his bones. Her hands vibrated with nervous excitement as they felt every inch of him. He was stunned, possessed by her power, and almost unwilling to believe that this was actually happening.

Rey could hardly believe it herself. The voices that had whispered doubts in her mind since she was young gradually faded, leaving only a timid murmuring that trailed off into nothingness.

Ben Solo had woken from his trance and leaned in to kiss her, catching her waist tightly in his hands and tugging her closer. It was her turn to be stunned, frozen by the aggression in his fingertips as they dug hungrily into her flesh. She’d lost her breath somewhere between his lips and his teeth, no longer master of her own body. She didn’t want to be in control anymore; her own body had surrendered itself before her mind could comprehend what was happening. Rey barely had time to realize this when Ben put his hand on the back of her neck, holding her completely still, helpless and wanting. Before he lowered his mouth to her throat, she saw the darkness in his eyes, just as stupefying and intoxicating as they’d been the first time she saw them. As he dragged his teeth delicately over her skin Rey felt the numbness in her body spread from her fingertips down into her core. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and let her head loll back, holding onto him for dear life as he devoured her. The muscles in his back drew together beneath her hands like the coat of a wild animal bristling at the scent of adrenaline.

Rey could do nothing. She would do nothing, only mustering the strength to bury her face in the crook of his neck, feeling his blood boiling under his skin, heated by the fire of her touch. He was so warm that her hair was already beginning to stick to her face, the air gathering closer and closer around them.

Looking back on that first night, Rey could remember every single detail. In the moment, however, there was a blindspot during which his hand found its way under her shirt and to her breast. Realizing she still had her breast strap on, she quickly removed her shirt and let him fumble with it himself. Once he finally managed to unravel it, Rey pulled him in for another kiss. Guiding his hand back to where it was before, she gasped at the roughness of his palm against her exposed skin. This was a part of her that had never been touched by anyone. Now, with his hands on her, she couldn’t help feeling that this was how it was always meant to be.

When they parted again, Rey looked at him and then glanced at the small bed, waiting for them in a pool of moonlight. Ben knew exactly what she wanted of course, deftly scooping her off her feet and carrying her to the bed. He gently laid her down and spent several seconds only gazing into her eyes, in awe at the blessing of her love for him, flowing freely from her eyes into his soul. Cradling her beautiful face in his hands, he leaned in and kissed her fully, soaking up the flavor of her lips like they were the last drops of water in an endless desert.

“Say my name,” she said while his hands wandered aimlessly over her body.

“Rey.” Ben could feel the scorching heat of her past in the breath that her name took out of him, her young body cracking under the weight of loss and desperation. But on his lips he tasted the sunlight and strength in her name, and he said it again, and again, and again.

Rey laughed, her warm breath gliding kindly over his face. “You have no idea what it does to me,” she said.

“Oh, but I do,” he said. Smiling voraciously, he cupped her face in his hand and leaned in close to her ear. She could feel the coarse hairs beginning to grow around his lips and on his chin against her cheek, and it made it harder for her not to giggle uncontrollably. His body swelled heavily against hers, forcing the breath from her lungs and causing her heart to kick into high speed. There were no words to describe how desperately she wanted him, how the weight of his body on top of hers, and the way his breath caressed her ear, thrilled her beyond measure. Something danced from her stomach to her throat, a feeling she had been holding in for so long and could no longer contain. What he said next was nearly enough to finish her off. “I can taste it all over you.”

Before the pleasure inside her could rise any further, she felt the familiar nervousness and doubt return to her heart for a fraction of a second. That was all it took. “Wait, Ben,” she said, putting her hands on his shoulders and gently pushing him off of her, already feeling the emptiness in her stomach when his body left hers. Ben looked at her, extreme nervousness written all over his own flustered face.

“I’m sorry,” he said, afraid he’d already done something wrong. Was he being too much? Going too fast or too slow?

“It’s not you, Ben,” Rey said, pushing herself up on her elbows.

“Are you sure?” he said, his voice deep and unsteady.

Grasping his face in her hands, she kissed him, softly and surely, wiping out all traces of doubt from his mind. “I want this. You have no idea how much I want this, with you.”

“Actually…”

“Shut up,” Rey said, shutting his mouth with her hand. Lightly chastened, Ben let her continue. “The thing is...I’ve never actually done  _ this _ before. With anyone. Ever.”

“Neither have I,” said Ben. Rey looked at him, amused, and a bit surprised.

“You’re serious?” she said. She began tracing the edge of his collarbone with her finger like she was sketching him into being, as though she could somehow lose the memory of his skin if she stopped touching him for even a second. “I mean, obviously I  _ know _ you’re serious. But…” 

Rey’s quiet disbelief tickled at the base of his spine, and he couldn’t help but smile at the incredulous look on her face. “You’ve never...been in love?” she wondered.

“I have loved before,” said Ben. “But until I met you, I never believed I could ever be capable of loving anyone this much.”

Rey held his fingers to her lips, kissing each of them tenderly. “I don’t know what kind of person you thought you were,” she said, “but that wasn’t you. I know that now.”

Ben placed his hand in the crook of her neck, and she let herself fall into his touch. His hand felt smoother than before, as though all his rough edges had been sanded away by the wind or by time. “You’re right,” he said softly.

Rey looked at him, gentle surprise in her eyes.

“You showed me that,” he continued. “You prove it to me every day.” Outside, the wind had picked up, tossing flurries of snow against the window, spinning in mini intricate swirls before plummeting to the ground to join the growing heaps of frost. It moaned sorrowfully through the cracks in the walls.

Rey put her hand against his chest, feeling his heart beating soft and steady and warm against her palm. “We exist because of love. It’s brought us both back from the darkness, back to life. Now,” she said, moving closer to him, “we get to find out how it makes us feel. Together.”

“Rey,” Ben said, leaning forward until his nose brushed against hers, “I don’t know how.”

She smiled and her eyes lit up like a candle flame, forcing the shadows back again. “That makes two of us. But we can learn. If we go slowly.”

Ben looked at her. All he wanted was to hold her close and give her everything, to breathe her in and feel her as one with him. To know what it felt like to be truly inside her. “Do you want that?”

In answer, Rey inclined her head and kissed him again. The kiss was soft, but full of promise and barely contained desire. “I’m cold,” she murmured against his lips. “Make me warm.” Lying back against the pillows, Rey gathered him into her, spreading her legs to let his body fit with hers. “Be with me.” Her hands slid down to his waist while he nuzzled against her neck with shuddering breaths. She could feel his scars, hidden beneath the smooth surface, the ones that had healed but never fully gone away. Tugging on his trousers, Rey gasped against his shoulder, “Show me.”

Ben could feel himself tightening against her, a quickening something building inside him. The edges of his vision blurred until all he could see was her. Glowing, perfect, waiting for him to come to her. His heart beat as though he were running at top speed toward something he could barely see, something unidentifiable that he’d wanted for longer than he could remember.

“Rey, I…”

“Shh.” Rey closed her eyes, moving so sublimely against him. Wanting him. Needing him. “No more talking.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you,” she whispered, weaving her fingers through his hair, “to take off your pants.”

With some help from Rey, he was able to maneuver himself out of his tightly-fitting trousers and knelt before her, naked and completely free. For a while, Rey gazed at him, her eyes gliding over all of him, every curve and detail, standing out in perfect contrast against the shadow gathering around him, shivering in the cold. She put her hands on him, and he became still, unafraid. Sure. “Be with me,” she said, taking his hand and leading him over her again. He was not content to simply lie on top of her. Neither was she content for him to simply kiss her. She wanted him to enter her fully, guiding him with her hands where she wanted him to be. Everywhere.

Before she could say anything, he began pulling her own trousers down, the way he had all those nights ago: slowly, cherishing every inch of her skin along the way, until he reached her feet. Though they were as calloused and rough as his hands were, he treated them with the same tenderness he’d given to the rest of her. Rey sighed as he lifted her leg, letting his hands glide down the length of her ankle, her calve, and past her knee. His eyes, darker than ever, were fixed to hers, burrowing deep inside of her. Through a delicate push and pull, he lowered himself back down to her, nudging closer and closer to where she waited to welcome him in. Softly, silently, he found his way in the dark, letting her body lead him to where he needed to be.

She let him inside, and the entire planet shuddered to a halt around them. The feeling of him inside her split every atom in her body in two. Fire, the sparking at her fingertips, along the skin of her ribs and inside her mind, annihilating, breathing, crying, screaming. Everything burning.

“Ben,” she rasped against his ear.

Ben grunted softly, moving himself deftly to a new position that made her wince. Tears came to her eyes, not from any pain or discomfort, but from the overwhelming sensations taking her over, enveloping and flowing through them both in that moment. They were a shared body, they were one.

“Rey,” he said, planting kisses along her collarbones.

Rey smiled, the pleasure inside her bubbling up and spilling over.

“Ach! Rey,” Ben winced. In her excitement, Rey had been pulling a bit too hard on his hair.

“Sorry,” she said. Ben laughed, pressing his forehead to hers, moving easily with her and within her now. He felt as if nothing in the world could hurt them now, and she felt the same; a different kind of power surged through them both, like a shield, impenetrable. With startling agility, Rey flipped him over so that he was pinned beneath her, their connection unbroken. It was her turn to hold him captive.

A thousand words passed between them, unspoken. The hidden language of their skin that only they knew. Tracing secret lines over his chest, Rey’s heart leapt at each new discovery she made along the way, the smallest marks, places that made him gasp, astonished that she could still find ways of touching him so deeply he felt it in his bones. Lacing their fingers together, she began to sway against him, feeling the fire building in his belly and in hers. She soaked up every ounce of him while she performed this dance that she seemed to know so well, despite never having done it before.

“How are you doing this?” Ben said between gasps of breath that flew from his chest like birds from a cage.

“I have no idea,” Rey answered, barely breathing herself. Then, “Are you...feeling what I’m feeling?”

He nodded. Rey swallowed back the cry that jumped suddenly to her throat, holding back everything inside her until she could no longer contain it. They both felt the energy rushing through them, ravaging their blood and leaving them shivering as it passed in a fraction of a second. In the final moment, Rey threw her head back, squeezing her eyes shut, tears and sweat streaming down her face. The breath was there, and it would not leave until she was finished. She heard Ben growl through his final ascent, his voice distant as though he were in another room. She could feel herself falling deeper into him, pulling herself closer to the edge of everything. The moment seemed to last forever. Then, like a wave passing over them both, it was over.

Rey slid off his torso, quivering from the aftershock of pleasure. She lay down beside him and silently stared through the ceiling that whirled like a dying storm above them. They both were out of breath, bodies coated in each others’ sweat and heat, barely strong enough to move, feeling and seeing only what they had just done, replaying it in their minds over and over again. In the dark, Rey found his hand, and they held tightly to each other like that until they could finally breathe again.

Ben cleared his throat before speaking. “Did we just…”

“Yeah.” Rey pressed her hand to her forehead, hardly daring to believe it. The voices were gone, and she could hear everything around them with perfect clarity. The world came alive around them once more, each snowflake flung by the wind against the window like tiny glass fingers stroking the pane.

They looked at each other, and knew without speaking. And even when their bodies fell asleep soon after, their souls were wide awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What?! A new chapter!! HOLY HELL that was a long wait! A thousand apologies to my readers for making you all wait so long for an update, but this summer has been so incredibly busy and emotionally all-over-the-place for me (and for everyone, let's be honest). I'm twenty years old now and it's the start of a new chapter for me, and I'd like to think, for all of us. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I really poured my heart and soul into it because, as you all know, I love this star-crossed galactic pair so much. If it gives you a little reprieve for whatever is distressing you right now, then it will have done its job. I love you all, and as always, keep on hoping, keep on loving, and keep on shipping my friends😊❤️🦋✨


End file.
